Mastering the Mindset
The Cycles of Change
Ever wondered why change can feel so impossibly tough? It can be a complex but rewarding journey. Let's dissect the emotional cycle of change and uncover practical strategies to transform your mindset and actions. Whether you're just starting with uninformed optimism or stuck in the dreaded valley of despair, I'll provide you with the insights and tools you need to persist and succeed.
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Ever wondered why change can feel so impossibly tough? It can be a complex but rewarding journey. Let's dissect the emotional cycle of change and uncover practical strategies to transform your mindset and actions. Whether you're just starting with uninformed optimism or stuck in the dreaded valley of despair, I'll provide you with the insights and tools you need to persist and succeed.
This podcast is 100% donation driven. If you like the content I provide I would truly appreciate any donation you have to offer.
Listen To My Music!
Here's how you can donate:
VENMO
PAYPAL
CASH APP
Need other options? Email me at:
dariusdotch@gmail.com
What's up everybody and thank you for listening to Mastering the Mindset. My name is Darius Dodge and I'm an actor, hip-hop artist and fitness and life coach. I'm here to personally help you train and improve your mindset so that you can, one, become the best version of yourself mentally and, two, gain focus and motivation to be able to take action and achieve the success in life that you want and deserve. Before we get started, please like and subscribe to my channel. And at the success in life that you want and deserve. Before we get started, please like and subscribe to my channel. And at the end of this episode, if you liked it, please share it with a friend or a loved one or someone who would benefit from hearing this message. I'm so glad you're here and I'm ready to go on this journey with you, and that journey begins now. Hey, and welcome back to another episode. Man, man, thank y'all so much for being here. If you are on youtube, please like and subscribe to my channel. If you're listening on a podcast platform, please leave me a review. Also, leave me a donation. Those really help me keep this thing going, uh, and they are much appreciated. But let's go ahead and jump in.
Speaker 1:Today is going to be a good episode for y'all. Let's talk about why change is so hard and I'm going to give you a few ways on how to make it easier for you. Because the thing is, in order for you to create a life you want, in order for you to see different results in your life, you're going to have to do different things and you're going to have to change. You already know that. That's why you listen to a podcast like this one. There's just no way around it. In order for your life to change, you have to change. You don't change your life, then your life will stay exactly the same, and that's a mistake so many people make in life. They want their life to change, but they just sit and wait for it to happen and don't really do anything about it. They want for their life to change versus physically going out there and doing things to make the change happen. The definition of insanity right Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. And there's a psychological cycle that your brain goes through whenever you experience change almost any change you go through and I was looking up this topic and I read about the psychologist Dan Kelly and Daryl Connor, who created this model that specifically deals with the emotional aspects of change, and in this model they break down all the different stages you go through when dealing with change the way you feel emotionally as you're in these different stages of the change you're going through, especially when the change is a change you have to make in order to reach a goal or be successful at something.
Speaker 1:It applies to all types of changes, really, but it's especially helpful when you put it in this context and if we can understand these concepts and know that where we're at in our own cycle of change, while we're experiencing that change, it'll make it easier to be able to push through it and not give up, which is what a lot of folks do. Right, that's what they end up doing. We see it all the time. We've done it all multiple times in life. You start something, whether it's a fitness journey, a fitness journey, a business idea, a side hustle, a goal. We want to reach that dream life we want to build. Whatever it may be. We started. Then we realized somewhere along the road that it's not going as we planned or how we saw it in our head, and eventually it gets hard and we end up giving up on it. We look up and we say we realize that, damn, I ain't even work on that thing no more. It's been a few months since I even looked at it. Right, we've all been there and I can guarantee you, you went through this cycle of change and the actual name of this cycle is called the emotional cycle of change, the emotional cycle of change, and in a cycle, there are five different stages that you have to go through, and I'm going to take you through the graph of this cycle, and what this is going to do is it's going to help you realize and understand yourself and anticipate what's going to come as you start to experience change, which is so important, as you start to take actions to make your life different.
Speaker 1:This is going to be so important, so let's go ahead and jump right in. So the graph I'm looking at right now is shaped like a U. So if you imagine since you can't see me that we are at the top left of this graph of the you Again, the emotional cycle of change, top left. And if you think, if you think in terms of the shape of the you, the top is how you feel right now, and we're going to travel from left to right in terms of our timeline of this shape.
Speaker 1:So top left is a start. You're feeling optimistic and motivated and amazing. Top left is a start. You're feeling optimistic and motivated and amazing, and the bottom of the you is the pessimism and doubt. So, top left of the graph Right the top left is called, which is stage one, uninformed optimism. Uninformed optimism and in this stage, you're really excited about change. Right, and we all been there, right. We first start something. We're excited, motivation is easy to come by, and the reason is because we're unaware of all the difficulties that are going to come ahead. We're uninformed about what it really means to do this thing. So many folks start something and they're excited about it and then they go through the next stage of change and then they give up. Right, a lot of times we can be real good at starting something right, real good at starting, but not always good at sticking with it and actually finishing it Again.
Speaker 1:I myself used to be this way. We all have. Or, let me say I got a lot better at it, right, because I still find myself doing it from time to time, but I do this with music, with music, so YouTube is basically an unlimited amount of instrumentals, right? They have so many instrumentals for beats for rap music. That's literally where I find all the instrumentals for my music, right, every song you've heard. I found that instrument on youtube and what used to happen, um, what I used to do a lot is I'll hear a beat, the beat, it's dope, I'm grooving to it, not in my head, I got it on repeat and I start making a song to it. I start forming my flow in my head, right, no words yet, just how I want to attack it rhythmically and phonically, I guess, and I vibe out for probably I don't know 10, 15, half hour before I actually start writing. Right.
Speaker 1:Then I start writing and for me, the hardest part of a song is the beginning and the end. Starting and ending a song always the biggest challenge for me, anyway. I would start creating, going through my process, and never finish the song. I would end up spending like an hour writing, get like halfway through the song. Then I would either get distracted or would have to go do something else or be somewhere, have a responsibility I had to go do, and oftentimes also, I would just stumble across another beat that was dope and I would repeat that same process with that one. Next thing I know months have gone by and I got all these half written songs Again. I have been working on it, but we've all been there, started something, not follow through, anyway.
Speaker 1:But the reason why you're excited is because you're in stage one uninformed optimism. And one of the things they write about that they say you should do is, when you're feeling this optimism, make a list of all the benefits you want to achieve, the things that are going to positively change in your life when you complete this thing, because at some point you are going to have those feelings of giving up or that is too hard or you're going to feel that doubt Right, and when you think about quitting, remember why you started. Make that list of all the benefits, all the reasons why you're excited about taking this journey and making this change. Also, make sure you have a strong enough why and I talk about that a lot on here, but I want to mention it again your why, the reason deep down to your core that you're going after this. And it has to be strong. It can't just be about money, it can't just be about accolades. You have to have a strong enough reason that will keep you going, accolades. You have to have a strong enough reason that will keep you going.
Speaker 1:And the reason why this stage is called uninformed optimism is because you're looking at all the benefits from making the change, but what you didn't look at is any of the costs, the costs of that change. And you better believe there is a cost in change. And we like this first stage right Boy, do we like this first stage. But the problem is that it eventually fades, and a lot of times we don't stay there long at all actually and we start to move to the next stage, which is about halfway down on the left side of this you. And that's when we experience what's called informed pessimism, and that's stage two, informed pessimism. So we move from uninformed optimism to informed pessimism. So we move from uninformed optimism to informed pessimism. And now you know what you didn't know before. And because you know more, you start to feel some of that pessimism.
Speaker 1:As change progresses, you start to see some of the difficulties pop up, the hurdles, all those benefits you got excited about, they don't seem as reachable. And at this point you can start to only see the costs. You see the costs more than you see the benefits, the cost of what you have to do, all the things you got to complete, how things will have to change, things you need to change, how your life is going to have to change. And this stage is going to be full of frustration and anger and anxiety. And this is when you first start to want to quit. You have that creeping doubt in the back of your brain, like maybe I can't do this, this ain't what I thought it was going to be Right. Those positive emotions you had start to turn into pessimism. Those benefits seem less real, they seem less possible, maybe not even as important. They may not seem worth all the effort you've been putting in.
Speaker 1:So that's stage two, informed pessimism. And you might be thinking OK, informed pessimism, that has to be the worst stage. And once you get past that, then it gets easier. Nope, it gets harder and it drops to the bottom of the U, right in the middle of the bottom of that U. And that's stage three, which is called the valley of despair. And the valley of despair is the lowest part of the cycle, mentally and emotionally. And at this stage you start to see the pain of change. Let me say that one again. You start to see the pain of change. What do I mean by that? All the reasons you had in step one for starting Right, those take work, it takes effort, time and you start seeing that it ain't all sunshine and rainbows and it ain't a breeze of walking the park and you realize, oh damn, I've been working at this thing and I don't see no progress. I've been putting in all this time and I ain't seeing no benefits from this and the benefits seem way too far away and they seem unimportant.
Speaker 1:And the easiest thing to do in the valley of despair is quit. And this is why change is so hard. This is where the majority of folks who give up on a goal. This is when they give up. Right here, they start something, they get here and they quit and they start another thing and they get to the valley of despair and they give up. It's easy to want to quit and go back to the old ways of doing things. This is where you gave up in the past and if you give up here, you're eventually going to start something new. And no matter how long it is before you start something new a month, a week, three months, a year, six years, whenever you're going to start that exact same emotional cycle of change. The exact same thing. This is the reason the grass looks green on the other side when you're in the valley of despair. Down in that valley the grass ain't green, no, no, no, it ain't green at all. But up on the top of that hill, way over there, you see that green grass. You get the shiny object syndrome and you don't realize that green grass, that green grass way over there on top of that hill, that ain't nothing but a patch of uninformed optimism. It's the grass of stage one, and when you get to that stage you're going to eventually end up back in the valley. It's inevitable.
Speaker 1:With anything new, you start, you hit stage two and then you get to stage three. But when you think about quitting, you got to remember why you started. It's the reason why you made that list in stage one, why you made that list and why you make sure you have a strong enough. Why? So when you get to your lowest of lows, you can look back and say that's right, that's why and the good thing about being at the bottom, like I said, it is the lowest. It's only up from here and moving on to the next step. Like I said, it is the lowest. It's only up from here and moving on to the next step. Once you get past the valley of despair, you make your way up to the other side of the you, halfway up on the other side. Now we're on the right side of that, you, and this stage is called informed optimism.
Speaker 1:Informed optimism At this stage, the probability of success increases, and the reason is you'll be able to actually see the road and the path you're on. You'll be able to see what that path actually looks like. Actually looks like. What do I mean? Well, by this point, you understand all the obstacles, right. You know that. You know what you didn't know before. You have a better understanding of not only how hard and difficult things can be, but you know exactly what you need to do to get past it. You've had the experiences the bad ones, you learned things, you figured out what works, and this is where the optimism starts to come back to you. Success starts to seem more possible. You didn't messed up and you didn't gotten better, and now you start to see some of the benefits of your actions.
Speaker 1:And I'll give another example of my music. So, after I first got serious with my music and really started to try and take my craft to the next level, whatever that level is or was. I felt great. I was getting all the feedback. People love my music.
Speaker 1:I was in the uninformed optimism stage stage one. Then I dropped down to informed pessimism. I knew I needed to upgrade my sound. I knew it didn't sound professional yet and I couldn't afford studio time. So I was trying to learn how to do it myself and it was hard and frustrating, but I was still getting it done. Then I hit that damn valley of despair and I was putting out music. And not only was I not finding these quote unquote success I thought I would have found, but I hit a point where I wasn't getting streams and views that I thought I should be getting, which I still don't that's another story for another podcast and I was down about it. No, I didn't think I should quit because I know my talent is there. But in this stage I damn sure figured out that it ain't always about talent, that actually most of the time it ain't about talent at all. Get out that it ain't always about talent, that actually most of the time it ain't about talent at all. So I was there in the valley, frustrated and down, and then I transitioned to the next stage.
Speaker 1:This stage informed optimism and I ended up winning a grant for my music. I was able to upgrade my home studio with that money. Now my sound is sounding way better. It's still hard work, but I understand it. Now. I understand that. Yep, it's going to be hard, but you'll see the benefits. Right, it might not be the success you envisioned in your head, but look, you want a grant. You're getting paid to perform, getting paid to make music. You had your music featured in a play that you were in at the Guthrie, which is amazing. You perform every year as part of a city's Juneteenth celebration, which you also get paid for, and you were the headlining performer this year and made even more money.
Speaker 1:Right, I understand the cost of the change now that all the things I was doing got me here right now, and I know I ain't where I want to be ultimately. But I can see beyond the trees now, and this stage, in my opinion, is the most important one. You can see the cost now and the cost actually starts to seem worth it. You start to see some of the fruits of your labor and you start to see some of the breadcrumbs of that success. And now life is starting to say here you go, here's a little bit of that success you wanted. Here are some of those results you started out wanting to get. And you go okay, you know what, maybe I can do this, maybe this is possible, I'm actually making progress and that is a great place to be in.
Speaker 1:And then the next day so that was stage uh four, which is informed optimism stage five, the next stage, all the way to the top right. We made it to the way to the top Right. We made it to the top, to the right side of that, you and we all wish we can go from stage one to stage five. Right, but we can't. And stage five is success and fulfillment. Success and fulfillment, that's stage five, the final stage of the emotional cycle of change, when all those benefits come to life. This is that reflection stage. You look back at all the costs you had, all the costs that challenge you, and you feel proud of yourself and you say, man, I'm glad I pushed through that. I'm so glad I did it, because back then it didn't seem worth it, but now that you cross that finish line it feels so damn good. And now those actions that seem so hard back then, now those actions are routine. They don't seem nowhere near as hard Now. These are habits that you have built into yourself and it all seems worth it. And, like I always say, we think we want happiness all the time, but that doesn't serve us. We wish we can go from stage one straight over to stage five, but we just can't. We can't do that. We got to go through stage two, we got to go through stage three. We just got to go to stage four and then to five.
Speaker 1:It's part of the journey, and the number one thing I want you to take away from this episode is when you get to stage two and three, when you start to feel like it ain't going to work, the most important thing, the most important thing for you to do, is take action every day towards your goal. You have to take action. Keep taking action, even when it's hard, even if it's only the barest of minimums. I'm talking about the barest of bare minimums. If that's all you can do, do that. You have to keep taking action, regardless of how it feels. You have to know a lot of the time, most of the time you ain't going to be motivated. You have to know that doubt and pessimism is going to come, but you keep taking action, and I'm serious about the barest of minimums of action. Some days are just going to be like that.
Speaker 1:Now I'm not saying that, hey, if you want to do the minimum, that this is the secret to success and reaching your goals. No, what I mean is, when you get into that valley, it's going to be hard to do anything because you're full of pessimism, you're full of doubt. It's hard, right. Stay in that habit of taking action, because if you do, eventually you're going to have better days. Some days are going to be better than others, right. And if you take action and not just meaningless action, you'll still be getting closer to your goal. Even if it's slower, it's still taking you in the right direction.
Speaker 1:And at this point, down in the valley of despair, direction is more important than speed. Let me say it again Direction is more important than speed. When you get in that valley, direction is more important to speed. So keep it going. Small action is better than no action. Don't focus on being motivated. Focus on being consistent, waking up, doing what needs to be done, regardless of how you feel and this is the blueprint. That's that's the blueprint. As you start to see progress, you start to feel better about yourself and, because you built up this habit of consistency down in the valley on the days you actually feel good you're going to go way past and beyond the bare minimum, because that's what you've been doing Right and now you can't do more. And this is going to help you get to that next stage and then eventually to the top. And those are the steps. These are the stages of change One uninformed optimism to informed pessimism. Three, the value of despair for informed optimism. And five success and fulfillment. Yes, change is hard, but have an understanding of the stages, be able to recognize where you are and know how to push through. So that's what I got for you today. Please like and subscribe. If you're watching on YouTube, please leave a review on my podcast platforms and also please donate.
Speaker 1:I'm going to leave y'all with another song of my EP that I just released, and this one is called Lakeside. And let's ride out. And it take time. Couldn't walk a mile in my shoes. They probably couldn't even lace mine. Game face. I'm suited up throwing threes up when it's game time. Wide awake. I ain't tired. I won't sleep till I'm gray side. It's cool if they hate mine Long as to keep it on they side. All the fake and all the snake yeah, please keep it on they side. Now they want to come rock the boat Can Spreading lies about who I slept with?
Speaker 1:Ha ha yeah, they lie Heard about it through the grapevine. I stayed classy and made wine and if I ever made a mistake I'm a man about it I claim mine. Skeletons came out the closet and I ain't talking about gay pride. You need style, but don't take mine Like saying black lives matter. They want to talk about their lives. They don't want to talk about killing us, treating us like canines. Yeah, top killers keep piling up like four, six, seven, eight, nine.
Speaker 1:But who the hell said break time? It's take three, we don't take five. Go ahead and make your point. Please hurry up. We don't waste time. She mad, cause I'm busy, said if I really cared I would make time. She want to have eight time, like margaritas on the lakeside. They can't make her wet.
Speaker 1:I can feel that I'm lakeside. They say life is a beach. Tell me about it. I'm lakeside. Don't be fish of a compliment Setting thirst traps On my lakeside and we been through All kind of shit. Now it's time to sip On this lakeside. So pass my cup. Look, finna, get lit right now. Take another sip. Right now I'm feeling bougie by the lakeside, we drinking top shelf liquor. It's mixed good. I don't taste mine. Surprised, somebody took shots at me. Okay, fine, won't take mine, but I'ma take every one of these and I bet I still walk a straight line. I bet I still walk it way better than I talk it. That's why lately I ain't been talking. We'll be right back. I can feel it. I'm lakeside. They say life is a beach. Tell me about it. I'm lakeside. Don't be fish of a compliment Setting dirt traps on my lakeside and we been through all kind of shit. Now it's time to step on this lakeside. So pass my cup. Lakeside, yeah.