Mastering the Mindset
Mastering the Mindset
Some Things You Just Can't Change
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Sometimes things happen that are out of our control. Things that are difficult to navigate. There are times when it's important to recognize that resistance to things we can't change is holding us back from overcoming. Sometimes it's best to accept the problems we can't prevent. We have to understand that there is power in accepting and pushing through accordingly. There is greatness on the other side. Let's dive in.
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Mastering the Mindset
Speaker 1What's up everybody , and thank you for listening to Mastering the Mindset . My name is Darius Dutch and I'm an actor , hip hop artist and fitness and life coach . I'm here to personally help you train and improve your mindset so that you can , one , become the best version of yourself mentally and , two , gain focus and motivation to be able to take action and achieve the success in life that you want and deserve . Before we get started , please like and subscribe to my channel at the end of this episode . If you liked it , please share it with a friend or a loved one or someone who would benefit from hearing this message . I'm so glad you're here and I'm ready to go on this journey with you , and that journey begins now . Alright , and welcome back to another episode . Thank you all so much for being here . If you're watching me on YouTube , please hit that subscribe button . If you're listening to me on a podcast platform , please leave a review for me . Both of those do great things for me . I would greatly appreciate that .
Speaker 1Let's go ahead and dive in today . Let's talk about how to be more calm , more peaceful and more loving when it's hitting the fan and you know what I mean when I say it . Let's talk about how to let go of those things that were negative in your past . Also talk about the things that are currently happening to you in your life , right now , in the present moment . So if you want to be more calm , more at ease in life , this is the episode for you , and the phrase I think we should all adapt and lean into is can't change it . Can't change it Even in the most frustrating moments . Let's say you just bought a brand new car and you've been busting your ass , saving up and working on your credit to be able to afford this car and on the way home from the dealership you crash it and total it . Would that be devastating ? Yes , god , yes , my lord , that would be devastating . But can you change it ? No , of course , I know it's not that simple , but there literally is no way you can make that car be uncrashed Now , unless you have a time machine . That car is uncrashed . You can't change it .
Speaker 1When I lost my job because I got fired when I was in jail , I had to miss work for the weekend because I had a DWI and it was the best job I had ever had at that point in my career , in my life , money wise still couldn't change it . I couldn't turn back time and not drive that night . I could have let that completely derail me and make me lose my motivation and drive and feel like I was a failure , with no job , that I wasn't using my theater degree , working temp labor , jobs . I could have let that steal away my ambition and my strive to get another job . But again , I didn't . I couldn't change what happened , so I had a decision to make . I couldn't change the fact that I didn't have a job . What I could change was the way I felt , how I felt in those moments . And I'll be honest , there were a lot of days when I was down I mean really down and eventually I had to come to the realization that , hey , sitting here feeling sorry for yourself isn't going to make anything better . I was in the middle of the situation and the only thing I could do was control my reaction to it .
Speaker 1And one of my favorite quotes I'm starting to use a lot is from Victor Frankel , and you may have heard me use this before , but he says between stimulus and response there's a space , and in that space lies our power to choose a response , and in our response lies our growth and our freedom , the stimulus your laptop crashing in the middle of a deadline , you crashing your car , your house getting broken into , you losing your job Any response Freak out , scream , cry , panic . You can definitely do all those or focus on how you can calm your body down and try to remain as calm as possible and see the next best steps to take . Like I always say , you can't always control your first thought , but you can control your second thought . So even when you do freak out or cry or panic , that next thought is actually the most important one . We are in full control of how we feel in those moments . And this is the true path of personal development . Right , and I'm pretty sure all of you know this already , but I'm going to say it , I'm going to say it again for the people in the back Personal development ain't about making more money .
Speaker 1It ain't about having better relationships . It ain't about being more intellectual , not about being a better business owner . Now , it can affect all of those things . It can be the reason that you become a better parent , but what personal development really is is self mastery Mastery , your responses to everything you do , to the way you think and recognize how to progressively change , so you're not limiting yourself and how to limit the time .
Speaker 1A certain event , a certain stimulus like Victor Franco says a certain thing that happens to you , limiting the time that this negatively affects you . And maybe at first that thing will have you pissed off or in a bad mood for a week , a whole week , and then you're working yourself and then that same thing will have you pissed off for only a few days Better , but still you are voluntarily waking up and getting pissed about something that happened to you 72 hours ago and you keep working on yourself and you keep working on yourself until one day it only turns into a day right , then a half a day , and then it only makes you mad for a few minutes . And , like I've said before , this work takes time . You're not going to work on yourself for a few weeks and all of a sudden see a difference . No , no , this is going to take way more consistency than that .
Speaker 1And over the years of working on yourself , the goal , or one of them , is to get to a point where something happens to you that would normally really make you mad or get you upset . Normally you would be upset for a while , for days , for a week , and it happens and there's no response . That old response that used to be there is completely gone Self mastery , being able to fully control who you are and how you show up in every situation because we can't control the majority of what's happening around us . Hell , we can barely control ourselves . Literally .
Speaker 1So many people . They say they want to make a change , they want to better themselves , they want to be successful , they want to make the opportunities for other people in their lives , make a change in other people's lives . They want to be able to do all of these things and yet they can't even control their urge to buy some stuff that they don't even need on Amazon . Am I talking about you ? Don't get offended , but no , it's not realistic if you don't work on yourself and I think it's safe to say that about 99.9% of things happen around us are out of our control .
Speaker 1There's so much stress , so much anxiety , so much anger , so much hopelessness , and a lot of it comes down to people just resisting the things that they can't change , resisting the things that you literally can't change . That will have you stressed out . It'll have you depressed , full of anxiety , all because we can't just accept the things that we can't change . Sometimes we just got to have the mentality to just throw our shoulders up and say , can't change it , can't change it , and not to bring up a dark time for everybody or for most of us . But during the lockdown , it was a dark place for a lot of people , especially me .
Speaker 1At first I was angry , I was stressed , then depressed and my anxiety was so high it still can be , as a matter of fact . As a matter of fact , when I think about it , I think that's how it all started for me , having anxiety . I never used to have anxiety . I developed this feeling , that feeling of I needed to do something , I needed to be somewhere . There was this responsibility that I was neglecting to do and I felt it in my chest . I feel like I should be doing something , like if I had , let's say , a huge assignment due tomorrow and it's midnight and I'm procrastinating . I didn't even start . I had that in my chest , that kind of anxiety , and it would literally wake me up out of my sleep .
Speaker 1So dealing with that . And I started to gain weight . I started to lose muscle mass . You may not believe that , but it's true . I got smaller muscle wise and I gained weight . I started to see the weight gain in my face . Right gyms were closed and I was slacking hard on doing anything at home . I was drinking way too much and the moment that made me really wake up when it came to my fitness at least , I was bringing my Aintia case of water from Costco and she saw me and she said you gain a weight .
Speaker 1And I'm like , ah no , no , no , nope , my poor little pride was hurt , but all that right . I was dealing with all that and I know everybody went through their own stuff during that time period too , and I think we still are . And the thing is , we could have sat there and been worried about it and be stressed about it all , be frustrated , but in reality , the only thing we could change was how we showed up , and when I started this podcast , it was for my workout clients and to help them focus on the way they showed up and what they can control . We couldn't control the fact that there was a lockdown , that there was this virus , that there were , that we were stuck at home Couldn't change any of that . But what we could control is the way we showed up in those moments , and a lot of folks had horrible things happen to them during that shutdown . They lost so much and , on the flip side , a lot of folks found some benefit in it . For me , the biggest benefit I found was personal development , and it's helped me accomplish so much and I'm so in love with this .
Speaker 1And I started to focus on what I could control , and the perfect example of this one and I use this one , often too , is traffic . Traffic is the perfect example , and we all have been in some bad traffic and we all cuss somebody out and probably been cussed out too . You might be in traffic right now . You could get pissed off and stressed about it , about being late right , and grip the steering wheel with extra hard and cuss and yell and put your body through all that stress the whole drive . Or you could put on your favorite song , put on a podcast , enjoy your coffee , whatever it is , whatever way you can just sit and find something to enjoy in that moment , knowing that , no matter how much or how bad you want traffic to be better , there is literally nothing you can do about that . You're going to get to work at the time that you're going to get to work regardless and I know easier said than done and for some of you , road rage runs deep in your veins , so maybe you ain't even trying to hear nothing I'm talking about right now . I feel you believe me . I feel you Right . I need a lot of work on this
Letting Go of Past Stress
Speaker 1one too . But which one would you rather ? Would you rather be stressed out the whole way and cussing and be mad at how horrible all these drivers here are Because , my God , they are bad , or just remain calm with the understanding that your body will be happier without the unneeded stress about something you can't even control . Something you can't even control , you can't control it . And how do you think you'll show up to work when you eventually do make it in ? In both scenarios , which one do you think would be better for you at work ? Which one do you think is going to lead to a better start of your work day ?
Speaker 1Changing the way you think about your present moment , especially the things that happened in the past , can help you enjoy life better in your future . And time travel has not been a winner yet . So you can't go backwards in time and change the damn thing that happened . It don't matter how mad , how depressed about it , how much you judge yourself , how much shame you feel , it doesn't matter . It's not going to change the past .
Speaker 1And I use a line from a play I was in at the Guthrie last summer , from a play called Sweat by Len Nottich , and my character , evan , says and we can keep talking , but what you're going to do about where you're at right now ? Now , that was the character's best line in the whole play and , like I said at the beginning of this episode , you can't change it . Don't put yourself through unnecessary stress . You can't change it . You have to move on .
Speaker 1All your fear and anxiety and depression , all those negative emotions you feel , are in a direct relation to how much you are stressing about the way the world is , the way your life has unfolded in the past .
Speaker 1Think about that . The more you're feeling fear , the more you're feeling anxiety , worry . It is all in relation to how much you are resisting the way that the world is , how much you resist the way things just are , that you just can't change . Too many people are ruining a beautiful present moment , worrying about thinking about being down , about a moment that they 100% cannot change . Ask yourself this question In this moment , am I safe ? In this moment , am I okay ? And then , at 9.9% of the time you are Now , do you have a lot of stuff to get done today , tomorrow , this week ? Yes , you do , but right now , wherever you are , you're okay , you're safe . You don't have worry and anxiety about things in the future and the past when , in this moment , right here , right now , you're safe . So let's work on controlling what we can control and don't let the thing that you can't control negatively , control you .
Speaker 2Yeah , yeah , oh , is it you Sausage ?
Speaker 1Ah , you know , we all make mistakes from time to time .
Speaker 2But I ain't proud of that , but life goes on .
Speaker 1All my resume should be heartbreak . No , I ain't proud of it , but honestly I'm tired of partying . Man , I might have to call y'all later . I put my haters on call waiting Cause I'm tryna eat . You think it's sweet . No wonder why . A n***a throwing salt like a salt shaker Heartbreak in my heart . Race like look at that's what you tried to do . Looking in the mirror like you're a real it . Would your mama be proud of you ? Damn , thatma kinda hurt right now . What's in my mind right now ? Makeup on my shirt right now , same on it .
Speaker 1But since day one you always keep it real with me . If I need the vent , you would still listen . It's been years and you still miss me . But yeah , tell you happy birthday on your Facebook and I feel different , like real tippin' some fake ones . You , a real one , shot the real with me . I said I'm scared of commitment . You was like tell me who isn't Like , who in the hell is you getting ? All you do is show love . I guess I was scared of the feeling . Huh , I got history with a few women who missing me and it's messing with them mentally like it's they fault , when it was really me Cause I didn't deserve you .
Speaker 2Yeah , I ain't proud of that , but life goes on . Yeah , I ain't proud of that , but life goes on .
Speaker 1I guess we just friends now , cause that's better , right , these days we hard to speak .
Reflections on Mistakes and Moving Forward
Speaker 1I been grinding all week and when I got time I tell my n***a this shot time , cause I done , finally got free . Tell them shots on me . So call back n***a . I feel like a dog at n***a , damn . Sometimes I feel like a dog at n***a Cause she was saying plus , I was tryna go and get brain , tryna get these moves . A D , I feel like a dumb a** . Yeah , I feel that class hell . No , I did not pass . She wanna be the one , but I could not add . Never been good at math , like god damn . I did a subtract that when I went back track . I'll be embarrassed if you see my snapchat . Hopefully that won't leak . That's has mad . Hopefully , hopefully she will get over me . Hopefully the next man she meet will express emotions openly , physically and vocally , cause I got history With a few women who missing me and it's messing with them mentally like it stay far when it was really me , cause I didn't deserve you .
Speaker 2Yeah , I ain't proud of that , but life goes on . Yeah , I ain't proud of that , but life goes on .
Speaker 1You know I could sit here and wish I could turn back the hands of time , but honestly , honestly , I believe that everything happens for a reason .
Speaker 2And what matter , never make a mistake , but life goes on and even though I may not be proud , of everything I did .
Speaker 1I know I damn sure what made perfect .
Speaker 2Yeah , and that's real , but life goes on . But life goes on .