Mastering the Mindset
Mastering the Mindset
Silencing the Noise of Your Mental Chatter
We all have it. The mental chatter. It's a constant stream through your mind. These thoughts can be positive, but a lot of the time they are the exact opposite. Negative mental chatter negatively impacts the way we pursue our dreams and goals. If we're not careful, it can have lasting effects on our lives that we'd rather not have to live with. It' impossible to manage self talk. Instead, we have to learn how to manage it and make it work in your favor. Let's dive in.
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What's up everybody and thank you for listening to Mastering the Mindset. My name is Darius Dodge and I'm an actor, hip-hop artist and fitness and life coach. I'm here to personally help you train and improve your mindset so that you can 1. Become the best version of yourself mentally and 2. Gain focus and motivation to be able to take action and achieve the success in life that you want and deserve. Before we get started, please like and subscribe to my channel and at the end of this episode, if you liked it, please share it with a friend or a loved one or someone who would benefit from hearing this message. I'm so glad you're here and I'm ready to go on this journey with you, and that journey begins now. All right, and welcome back to another episode. Thank y'all so much for being here. If you are watching on YouTube, please be sure to like and subscribe to my channel, and if you're on a podcast platform, please leave me a review. Both of those help me out greatly and I would always appreciate if you can donate. This is a donation driven podcast and your donations are greatly appreciated.
Speaker 1:Let's go ahead and dive on up in this thing real quick. So today let's talk about the cause of our mental suffering. Most of the time, we can point a finger at this very thing and even though we know this is good to exercise, it's a good exercise to think about this on a conscious level, to really deliberately get a grasp of it that from the moment we wake up to the moment we go to sleep, our brains are constantly chattering, buzzing all day long, and the big part of that is mental chatter chatter in the form of stories we tell ourselves, talking to ourselves, creating stories about ourselves and who we are and how other people see us or perceive us. Are we good or are we bad? Is the world good or is the world bad? Your boss, your coworker, what they think of you, what you think of them, and it's going on all day in your head, whether you take a moment to be aware of it or not. And even if you're conscious of it, you better believe. These little thoughts shape the way you feel, the way you move in life. Thoughts create feelings in your body, like if you have a thought that's something you say it might offend somebody, where your brain is going to send signals to your body. You're going to feel anxious, your heart rate is going to change, your breathing is going to change, then stress and anxiety hormones will kick in and send that back up to your brain. And now you just created a cycle.
Speaker 1:Thoughts create feelings and we really need to be aware of this and take inventory from time to time, because feelings dictate the actions we take. Because, let's be honest, when you don't feel good, it's hard to take action, it's hard to create the life you want. When you feel anxious, or when you feel stressed, when you feel sad, mad, and eventually, if that goes on long enough, it's going to dictate what our reality ends up being. So being aware of what's going on in your brain is so important. It truly is. Our brain makes the world the way we're perceived, the way we perceive ourselves, where we fit in this thing we call life. All of that is perceived through these stories that go on in our heads. It's how our brain makes sense of things, and these stories come from a bunch of different places, right From past experiences, from the people we hang around, from what we see on social media, from the way we're raised, past relationships, the music we listen to, the TV shows we watch, and a lot of times. All these things create what's called cognitive distortion, and cognitive distortion, which is a tongue twister for me, as you can see, that's an irrational thought pattern that leads to negative thinking, and we'll dive deeper into that just in just a little bit.
Speaker 1:But first let me give you a quick example. So, if you haven't heard yet, I made the announcement on here a few episodes ago that I'm going to be performing my music up at St Cloud as part of their Juneteenth celebration, and this is going to be my fourth year going up there, and this time they asked me to not only perform but to be the headliner. And when I tell you my anxiety, my anxiety, my anxiety, y'all you probably wondering like, what are you talking about? Why you have performed it before? You literally did it three times already. And yeah, if you just look at it from a black and white perspective, from a black and white angle, and just state the facts, literally all I'm doing is performing songs that I wrote, music that everybody tells me is good, in front of who, for three years in a row, have told me is good. So what the hell am I tripping about? Right? It's the story I'm telling myself, or was telling myself, that I'm not ready to be a headliner. What if I don't know what to say between songs? How will I ever be able to keep people's attention for that long? I might be boring. I don't have any new music out blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:Another good example is public speaking. A lot of folks are terrified of public speaking and again, what happens is we play out in our head this story of what could happen, how we could fall flat on our face, how we could look awkward, how the audience could hate everything about us. And that thought can and will, if you don't check it, affect how you feel and act during that public speaking or, in my case, my performance, which is going to reinforce your anxiety and keep you right where you are stuck, having anxiety about public speaking. Other examples you send a text to somebody and you see those three dots pop up and they sit there for like five seconds. Then they go away and you know OK, did I? Did I offend them? Are they mad? Did I say something wrong? Should I not have said it the way I said? It? Did that? Did they take that the wrong way? Right, we can all admit we've been there, done that. Or if somebody says we need to talk. My God, the we need to talk line.
Speaker 1:Them four words have caused so much stress and anxiety in the world, and not just from a husband, wife, partner, but from your boss, a family member, the doctor. If the doctor call you and say, yeah, we got your test results, give us a call back so we can talk about them, you know your heart gonna drop Again. Been there, done that I'll never forget. I went to the clinic to get my STD test and every time I go they ask you do you want them to call you to results? And if you do, they won't give you the negative results over the phone. So basically they say wait a week or two weeks, whatever it back then and if we don't call you, that's good news, that if they don't have any bad news, you'll get an email in a few weeks down the road. Otherwise, if they have bad, if they do have bad news, they'll call you and tell me why.
Speaker 1:These fools called me, said this is messages for darius dodge at such and such clinic. Your test results came back. Give us a call. My soul left my body, I literally died for six seconds and my brain went crazy. All these stories you can imagine I'm like, oh my God, do I have AIDS? Do I have chlamydia? Will I be able to have kids? Ain't nobody going to want a man with herpes. It's over, I'm be single forever. And I called him just for them to say so, good news. Everything came back negative.
Speaker 1:And here I am, did all that worrying for nothing, and we do this in several areas of our lives. Right, something happens, and then we just leave reality behind and make up all these stories in our head. And it happens so much. It happens every day, and unfortunately we allow it to change our emotions. We do, and if those emotions end up being good ones, then good. It's way easier to take action when we need to create the life we want. But if they don't feel good, it's going to be harder to take that action.
Speaker 1:So let's talk about some techniques and let's figure out how to identify what those negative thoughts and thought patterns are, what the stories are that we're telling ourselves, and then to challenge the validity of those stories, to see how it lies to us, how we mislead ourselves, and then take those negative thoughts and replace them with thoughts that are going to serve you better. And the goal of this all is to change your emotional behavior, to get you to be able to take action that you need to create the life you want, and also for more happiness, to be more satisfied in your life. So let's dive in, and the first thing we're going to talk about is something called cognitive restructuring. Cognitive restructuring, and this involves identifying specific negative thoughts you have and to challenge the validity of them, the accuracy, like if you say I'm awkward, I'm bad with words, I'm ugly, I have terrible handwriting, I'm stupid, I'm a bad driver Maybe not that one. A lot of y'all can't drive. That's a whole nother episode to talk about.
Speaker 1:But anyway, testing that validity, actually asking yourself questions, and when you question it, I highly recommend you don't just do it in your head, that you do it out loud, say it so you can not only think it but hear it too. So, for example, let's say you make a mistake on something and you say, damn, I always mess up, I always mess up. So, instead of saying that, a better phrase would be I messed up this time, but I'm learning from it, or I messed up and I'm getting better at it, right? So identify the negative statement, replace it with a more valid and positive statement Because think about it. Place it with a more valid and positive statement, because think about it.
Speaker 1:If you're using words like always and never, I always mess up, I never get this right, I'm always saying stupid stuff. One is not true. You don't always do anything. Always is 100 percent, never is zero percent. You can't say I always say the wrong thing at the wrong time, because that literally ain't true. You have conversations every day, all day long. You ain't just speaking a completely different language or saying random gibberish or cussing somebody out every sentence. You have way more conversations where you do say the right thing, probably 99 percent of the time. But by putting this phrase of absoluteness on it, it makes your brain feel like you're messing up way more than you actually are, and this holds you back from seeing other possibilities that you can experience. And it's funny because the ironic part about that is always and never Right. It almost never happens. Almost and never. For the most part, rarely ever happen.
Speaker 1:So test that validity of those statements. Do you always break things? Do you always make the wrong decision? Do you never get it right? No, not always Right.
Speaker 1:And the next thing you should do is to test the beliefs that you tell yourself. So, for example, if you think that if you speak up about something, the conversation is going to go south and it's going to be a bad experience and you'll be so uncomfortable that you're going to die inside and the person is going to hate you, test that so you know what this is, what I feel like is going to happen. Let me test this and do it. Speak up about that thing and just see. And what happened is you're going to prove that story wrong. You're going to start to poke holes in the story that you have in your head, right? A story I used to tell myself was about my music Before I got my studio. Hell, even after I got it. I still do this to this day and have to poke holes in my own story, and I've been doing it with y'all. Actually, and y'all didn't even know. I've been using y'all to poke holes in this narrative that I tend to get in my head. And let me tell you what I mean.
Speaker 1:So, before I got my at-home studio equipment, the first time I ever recorded myself was on a laptop that I borrowed. I didn't have no equipment. All I had was the built-in microphone on the laptop. And the whole time I'm telling myself man, this don't sound professional, right? People are not going to really listen to it for real, because they're going to hear it for the first five seconds and then get uninterested because, let's be honest, we done all been there, done that. We've all heard some bs, somebody who think they can rap probably a friend or a family member and they put their music out and not only is the quality bad, but they don't have talent and you end up not needing to hear it, right? You're just ready to turn it off. That was my irrational, irrational fear, but I decided to put it out anyway and, lo and behold, it was good. Professional sounding, no, but everybody who heard it loved it.
Speaker 1:Fast forward to now with the new music I've been sharing with y'all. It's not that I don't think it sounds good, but I'm not doing it myself. I'm sending it off to engineers and letting them mix and master it for me, and they're not me. So the way they do it, it ain't how I do it, and so I was equating different with incorrect, and so I would like send feedback to the engineer, and I'm sure he's looking at me crazy, like what is it? What does this dude talking about. I don't hear all these things. He want to get changed right. They sound just fine on my end and, even though it might not be the way I would do it, I share with y'all anyway. And first let me say I think it's all good. All the music and what the engineers are doing is good. But, like I said, I was used to the sound that I produce and so I've been sharing it with y'all over these past few episodes.
Speaker 1:And what happens? Several of y'all have told me that y'all are loving the music and nobody was like, yeah, the song is cool, but you don't sound the same. I had to poke holes and test the validity of the story I was telling myself and so, lo and behold, that story was BS. The music is fine, people love it. And then, like I mentioned before, the next thing, the most important thing, is to change around that narrative thing. The most important thing is to change around that narrative. You change that phrase, you replace it. So instead of saying people won't like my music, I replace that phrase and say my music sounds different, it's still good, it's still going to be received the way it's always been received, instead of saying I never get the timing right. Say I didn't get the timing right this time, but I'm working on it. Or I'm challenging myself to get my timing down. Instead of saying I always mess stuff up, say I messed up this time. Next time I'm going to make an effort not to do this.
Speaker 1:Take those negative thoughts and change them. Transform them into a narrative that's going to serve you better, that's going to empower you. Allow yourself to have more of those thoughts that are going to actually support you in becoming the person you actually want to become. And to do this, you need to first become aware of it. Aware of it outside the moment and in the moment. In the moment is right now, when it happens. Outside the moment. Is you keeping track of it? You take an inventory of these negative thoughts. I suggest you write them down, notice which ones are the most reoccurring. So, first, it's awareness. Become aware.
Speaker 1:Second thing is to evaluate it. Take that step back. Are these things based in facts or am I distorting truths? Is my brain making me feel this way? And you're going to find out that nine times out of 10 is not fact. It's not true.
Speaker 1:And the third thing you do is you challenge those narratives. You challenge them with evidence. Do I always say the wrong thing? Well, no, I don't always say the wrong thing. Today, I did, in one moment of hundreds of moments in the day I had. Today, I said the wrong thing. But no, that ain't true. And the fourth thing is you restructure those thoughts, you rewrite them and what you do is you focus on what you're doing well, on how you want it to be, how you want it to go. So, instead of saying I'm awkward when I meet new people, what you say is I'm working on improving my social skills when talking to people for the first time, I'm improving my social skills, I'm getting better at this.
Speaker 1:And the last part of it is practice. You have to have some repetition in this thing. You have to get those reps in and you have to step outside your comfort zone. You do, otherwise, how will it ever change? It won't, it just won't. And the reason you do this is you have to change the narrative by showing yourself that what your thoughts are, what you thought was going to happen, it actually didn't happen. And if it didn't happen, then it's false. And if it's false, get rid of it. This is something we have to be very intentional with the stories you tell yourself are shaping your life. It affects how you feel, how you interact with people, the actions you take or don't take, how you see yourself, and once you start to change those thought patterns, you'll be way more successful at changing your life. But it starts within, with your mindset and, like I always say, this is a journey. It ain't going to happen right away. I hope you never leave one of my episodes with that belief. Right, this is something you have to practice, something you have to do over and over again, but keep on keeping on. I'm right here on this journey with you. So that's what I got for you today no new music today, but I am leaving you with some more unreleased music that I played before.
Speaker 1:The name of this one is I Am From. If you are listening on YouTube, on my YouTube page, please like and subscribe. If you are on a podcast platform, please leave a review. Those greatly help me out and, like I always say, this is a donation driven podcast. Any donations are greatly appreciated. Thank you so much and let's ride out.
Speaker 1:I am from. I am from looking in the mirror and wanting to see more and talking to myself sometime. I am from waiting on me to be great and step up to the plate like an umpire. I am from working on patience and practicing my frustrations. I know I ain't perfect. I am from progress. I am from Louisiana 70812, baton Rouge. I am from polishing my shoes from the summer to get ready for the first day of school. I am from jumping like catfish collard greens, fried chicken, shrimp, etouffee, crawfish and gumbo. Don't act like you don't know. Yeah, I am from wearing my heart on my sleeve like a loco. I am from yo. I am from getting it jumping like po-po. Yeah, I can't be moving in slow-mo. I promise I'm through with the po-po. Yeah, I let that bear to me. Public defender was trash. Convinced me to take the plea Cause I was too scared of a felony. I am from doing it just like I better be. I am from knowing that this is my season. Everything happens for a reason. I am from keeping keeping a hundred and never pretend to be something I couldn't believe. And I am from yeah, I am from. I am from. Yeah, I am from.
Speaker 1:I am from thinking. I am from thinking too much. I am from drinking too much. I am from knowing that I am not sleeping enough Got me wondering how am I keeping this up lately? I am from reaching all the way down to the pit of my spirit. That way, when you hear it, you know that it's real, ain't no disguise. I'm stripping off my sheep's clothing. I am from streaking. I am from grinding like my father. I am from grinding like my father. I am from grieving over my mother. Want to be just like my big brothers, because family matters to a fresh prince and the good times make a different world. I am from black culture. I am from living in color.
Speaker 1:I am from hip-hop and R&B, football and baseball and Sega, nintendo and Bus Bunny, scooby-doo, freeze, tag Hot and Gautique Seeking my goals and reaching my peaks. He's seeking missile on anybody instrumental, if they really bringing that heat Fats on my feet. I ain't from running from that big ass dog that lived down the street when I was 13, sheesh, sheesh. But now I'm from running this shit with my dogs and we off the chain and we off the beach. I ain't from waking up early on Sundays. I had no choice in church every week, kinda ironic cause. I ain't from making them praise dance when I preach on reason, preach, preach. I ain't from knowing they. I preach on reason. I am from no one. They follow me Up in the grocery store, liquor store, home improvement store, the mall and Dollar Tree. Yeah, they probably think I'm a thief. Yeah, it's obvious, they don't know me.
Speaker 1:Only thing I'm taking is three. Take three. I am from dreams. I roll up my sleeves and I did my thing, and I am a king. I am from me. That's all I can be. I am a king. I am for me. That's all I can be. I am from. Yeah, I am from dreams. I roll up my sleeves and I did my thing, and I am a king. I am for me. That's all I can be. I am from dreams. I roll up my sleeves and I did my thing. Now I am the king. I am the me. That's all I can be. I am from. Thanks for watching.