Mastering the Mindset
Mastering the Mindset
Transforming Triggers into Personal Empowerment
Ever wonder why certain situations trigger you while others have little to no effect? Let's talk about the art of mastering your mindset and taking control of your emotional responses. It's time to change the idea of being "triggered" by shifting our focus to personal responsibility for our reactions. Owning our emotional states can empower us to tackle life's challenges head-on. This one gets deep. Let's talk!
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What's up everybody and thank you for listening to Mastering the Mindset. My name is Darius Dodge and I'm an actor, hip-hop artist and fitness and life coach, and I'm here to personally help you train and improve your mindset so that you can, one, become the best version of yourself mentally and, two, gain focus and motivation to be able to take action and achieve the success in life that you want and deserve. Before we get started, please like and subscribe to my channel and at the end of this episode, if you liked it, please share it with a friend or a loved one or someone who would benefit from hearing this message. I'm so glad you're here and I'm ready to go on this journey with you, and that journey begins now. All right, and welcome back to another episode. Thank you so much for being here. I always say if you are on YouTube, please go ahead and like and subscribe to the channel. If you are on a podcast platform, leave a review. Also, there is a new way to support me. You can become a monthly subscriber, meaning you can donate a reoccurring amount each month, and that amount can be either three, five, eight or ten dollars, and there is a link in the description that will tell you how to become a supporter and, of course, in advance, I thank you so much. Your donations truly help me keep this thing going.
Speaker 1:But let's go ahead and jump in. Today we're going to talk about why you get triggered and how to stop being triggered, and I'm just jump right in, and so the thing we usually say, or how we normally phrase it, is I'm feeling triggered, this person is triggering me, this situation is triggering me. Have you ever said that, before I'm being triggered, this person is triggering me? Have you ever said that before I'm being triggered, this person is triggering me? And if you just look at it grammatically, by saying that that this person is triggering me this is making me the victim of the situation. Basically, what we're saying is I am a victim of my circumstances and there's a shift that we need to make, and it's real small, just a small shift in the way we say it. So, instead of saying this person is triggering me or the situation has me triggered, what we should be saying is I'm allowing myself to be triggered or I'm triggering myself, and you can see the difference. Right, you put in way. You put in the way you feel and the way you respond to the situation in your own hands. By saying this person is triggering me, you give that person all the power in that situation. But if you say I'm allowing myself to be triggered, it's putting all the control in your own hands. And of course, the shift is a small one grammatically, but way more nuanced and deliberate in the way you actually go about shifting those feelings right. It's all easier said than done, of course, but it really is a necessary shift that we all need to make in our life.
Speaker 1:And the reality that we need to accept is that if you're triggered by somebody, it's your fault. It is and you might feel some resistance to that statement, but we're going to get into that some more. But let me say it again If you're triggered by somebody, that's your fault, that's on you, you allowing yourself to be triggered and you have to come to the realization that you're the one that's in control of that. And the quote I use on here a lot, the quote is from Eleanor Roosevelt, and they say that nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. You're consenting to feel inferior, you are the person in charge, and I'm saying this so many different times, in different ways, to drive my point home by saying that, basically, what we're saying is that there's something in my environment that's not what I want. So now I'm feeling this way. This is happening to me. So now I'm feeling this way, there's something in my environment that's happening a different way than I wanted to. And now I'm feeling like this, and just as long as everything in the world is happening exactly the way I want it to, then I won't be triggered. That's what it comes down to, right, and hearing it like that that's crazy, right? Because we all know and I say it so much we can't always change our circumstances, right?
Speaker 1:So what we need to do is learn how to control our emotions, and the perfect example I can think of in my own life is sports, and I've been playing sports all my life. I play sports. Right now I'm in a softball league, a kickball league and a rollerball league, and if you don't, if you don't know what rollerball is, let me just tell you it's fun as hell. It's like a combination of basketball, lacrosse and hockey in bumper cars. Sounds crazy, but it's really fun as hell. So YouTube roller Ball if you want to see what I'm talking about, and Rolly is spelled W-H-I-R-L-Y Rolly Ball, anyway.
Speaker 1:And I also played college football and that's really. That's really where I had to learn to not let things trigger me. Because back then what would get me triggered is if people talked trash and by talking trash I don't mean just regular noise talking, I mean like calling you out of your name, threatening you all up in your face all game long. Right, and before I will let it get under my skin, I will let it get under my skin. I really did. And when I tell you, they used to have me hot and the funny part about that is it was in practice. It wasn't even the game, it was my true freshman year and I was reassuring, meaning the coaches thought I needed to sit out my first year to develop and get ready for the next level after high school, which one is a common thing. And two, I'm so glad I did because, when I tell you, at the next level after high school, dumb boys are big Dumb dudes was huge and I got to that first team meeting like God damn, these boys is huge. Anyway, the people talking trash to me like that was my own teammates, upperclassmen at that, and they had me hot Right Because they boy, let me tell you, they found the right one in me. I was not backing down, even though he was a senior and bigger than me. We was getting in some shoving matches. Punches almost got thrown and you know I had to learn how to not let that kind of thing get to me, because what was happening was it was affecting the way I played. I was playing too angry and reckless and getting beat in other areas on defense because I was so pissed off at him.
Speaker 1:Fast forward to now. Trash talking is the last thing that bothers me. It really is. I don't give a damn now, say what you're going to say. Most of the times I'm too focused and I literally don't even hear it. And if I do, it doesn't really really even register to me because I'm so locked into the game. And that's for all of them. That includes college football, kickball, rollerball, all that. As long as you don't try to cheat, talk all you want, right?
Speaker 1:I had to learn to not let that trigger me. I could literally feel a shift in my body, and you know what I mean. I could feel the tightness, I could feel the anger in my body, I could feel me tensing up and your pattern or the things that trigger you might look different. You might get angry and blow up, maybe you get sad and you cry, maybe you freeze, maybe your breath changes your breathing, but you can feel those emotions that shift. And the important thing to know here is one of the best things to do is give it time before you allow yourself to react, let some time go by, and it's important also to breathe. It's important for your body. It's important because when you feel that emotion, when something has you triggered, two things are affected it's your heart rate and your breath rate, and we all know the way you shift your heart rate is to shift the way you breathe. That's the quickest way to get your heart rate down by taking deep breaths.
Speaker 1:And the reason we need to do this and this phrase kind of became kind of cliche because we hear it so much and this phrase kind of became kind of cliche because we hear it so much but when emotions are high, your logic is low. When emotions are high, logic is low, and that is literally true, because what happens is when you get triggered, your body sends less blood to the prefrontal cortex of your brain, which is the decision making and executive functioning part of your brain. So, literally, when emotions are high, you don't think it's clear. It's why some folks get in heated arguments and they say things ugly, hurtful things that they don't really mean. Or why certain folks, in certain situations, will result to violence when, logically, a simple conversation could solve it all, and why, like 20 minutes later, you're like I shouldn't have said that, I shouldn't have done that, I could have handled that differently, right, and so next we're going to talk about the different levels of you being triggered.
Speaker 1:The levels of awareness is levels to this. You feel me. Anyway, we're going to talk about the five different levels and we're going to get a little deep. So first, you have the awareness. I have an anger issue. That's the first level. That's very much on the surface, right? That's what you need to have before you go any further. Something happened, I'm mad. I have this anger that I need to address.
Speaker 1:Level one. Level two is I am aware that I'm about to be triggered. I can feel it in my body. I'm noticing the changes happening. I feel the tenseness I can feel I want to yell, I can feel I'm on the cusp and what do you do you breathe through it. You take those deep breaths, you let those emotions go. You ain't going to throw them around at people and throw them around you, you're going to change your heart rate and your breath. So that's level two. And level three is you can actually notice, before your body starts to shift. You can start to see things around you, the pattern that you recognize right, the situations, things around you, the pattern that you recognize right, the situations. You know it's going to happen before it does. That's level three. You can hear the storm coming before it gets to you. You hear that thunder. You know if you stay outside in this environment you're going to get rained on. You notice your body is about to shift. That's three.
Speaker 1:Level four is what is the conversation that's happening in my head? What am I saying? What's going on inside my head that's making me feel this way and a lot of times, the things going on in our mind, the things that we're saying to ourselves and how we're navigating our external circumstances, before we actually feel our body start to shift right. Right before that, there's a thought that happens. Right before that shift in your body, there's a thought that happens and that's actually harder to catch Right, but what is that thing in my head just before those feelings started? Because that's the thing that can truly save you from that trigger. Because, like I always say, you can't always control your first thought, but you can control your second thought, and in this case, that second thought is extremely important. So that's awareness.
Speaker 1:Level four and level five is where did it actually come from? And this one is probably the most complicated one. So first, first of all, only five percent of our thoughts are conscious, and that's science. Neuroscientists conducted studies that show that only 5% of our cognitive activities, which are decisions, emotions, actions, behaviors right, only 5% of them are conscious to us and the other 95% are not. So, with that being said, you can imagine how we can feel a certain way, be triggered in some kind of way, and don't even know where it came from. We notice how we feel, but not where it came from, not all the time. And I'll give you an example.
Speaker 1:So when I was younger and dumber and going out, clubbing and all that, I was drunk and acting a straight fool. It was after the bars let out back, when downtown Minneapolis was actually really busy, and let out hours and let out hours. The cops had to block off certain streets to keep traffic from getting too jammed up. And at the intersection was like six cones these, these orange cones lined up, blocking off the street. And my dumb ass. We walking and I'm hopping over these cones with my legs open and I'm doing a humping motion, a hip thrust before I jump over them. I would hump and jump over, hump and jump over. Then I got to the last one and I humped it and I knocked it over with my thrust. I laughed at it and I kept walking. Well, I didn't see this cop car across the street and over the loudspeaker I hear pick the cone up, just like that. No aggression Didn't yell at me, just pick the cone up.
Speaker 1:And just hearing that cop's voice over the speaker triggered me and I yelled out yes, sir. And my heart rate skyrocketed literally for a split second. I was scared for my life. I didn't even know. I didn't even know. I was scared for my life because it happened all so quick in my body and it came over me so quick. I lost my breath and everything and my friends and me too. We was dying laughing. I don't think they ever heard me yell like that before and I didn't know it before. But what happened that triggered me, right, hearing that voice over the loudspeaker. And the trigger was from something I didn't even know I had in me. Now I see it was from police brutality when I was a kid and hearing the horrific stories from my elders about racist cops when they were younger, growing up in rural Louisiana, and they don't know this. But some of those stories really scarred me, hearing how the cops would beat somebody continuously, how they were afraid to do anything and just had to watch. Right, I know I'm getting dark right here, but now I know what. I know where that came from. Now and again dark.
Speaker 1:But let's use a lighter example. Let's say you get triggered because somebody says you can't dress and you don't have fashion and that pisses you off. You feel offended that they would say this to you. Well, like Eleanor Roosevelt says, nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. So more than likely you might, deep down, not be confident in your sense of fashion. And, yeah, service level. Yes, that comment is really rude. It is rude, but if you let it affect you, then there is something there, because because if they told you that your voice is ugly and you sound like Kermit the Frog and you know for a fact you don't sound like Kermit the Frog then I won't trigger you.
Speaker 1:So when you get triggered, it's really a gift. We should borderline be thankful, excuse me, that this person showed you where you need work Because, like over the years that I realized, ok, I need to work on my fear of the police, of being approached by cops, that, as long as I stay calm and don't do anything to make the situation worse, that in theory I should be able to walk away. Right, and I say should be able to, because we all know the history behind police and black men. But just like I learned that trigger, you can learn that trigger of somebody talking about the way you dress and then address it, no pun intended. You can say, hey, ok, so what is this? How do I fix this? How can I feel more confident in my sense of fashion or whatever that trigger might be?
Speaker 1:Maybe you have a childhood trigger about something, about people yelling at you, and as a kid you went through that. Whatever it may be, figure out what it is and be able to work on it and address it, to heal from it. Again, it's a gift, this person who triggered you showed you where you're not free. And, like I said before, don't make the mistake of being mad at the snake for biting you. If you out in the wild on a hike or on a and you camping right, if a poisonous snake bites you, would it make sense to sit there and be mad at the snake and be ready to fight the snake and kill the snake and yell at the snake? Or would it make more sense to try and get that venom out of your body as fast as you can, because the reality of it is the snake ain't what kills you. The snake is not what kills you, it's the venom. And that's what you should focus on Getting that venom out of you, working on what's going on in your body, in your brain, and focus on addressing it so you can live, so you can move on with life. That's the most important thing.
Speaker 1:So, again, remember that 95 percent of our thoughts are not conscious. There will be some feelings that pop up that you don't even realize are happening or where they come from. So, level one be aware of your triggers, that you already have to notice, if you can, where you are about to be triggered. Three, recognize the patterns that cause you to be triggered, for try to figure out the conversation that's going on in your head and be ready to change that. Second thought. And five, do the work to figure out where it actually came from. And, of course, this topic is really complicated and nuanced and it can get really deep, but I think it's definitely worth the dive right for your own mental well-being. So, although it might not seem like it, but being triggered especially if you didn't know you had that trigger is a good thing, because now you can work on it to get that venom out of your body. So that's what I got for you today, man.
Speaker 1:Hopefully y'all enjoyed this one again. Um, please become a subscriber and you can choose the amount that you want to donate. Again, those amounts are three, five, eight and ten, and those occur monthly and you can cancel at any time. Thank y'all. I appreciate y'all being here. Let's get to it. I'm going to give you another unreleased song that you've heard before, and that is king kong. Let's get in.
Speaker 1:Just got dressed, I got fresh. All you text. Let me check. I confess I've been a mess. Do I get stressed? Nigga? Yes, it's.
Speaker 1:When you chase success, inside effects Don't always connect and I talk to myself Like, okay, bet, like they forgot who the fuck I am. I should flex. Don't make me beat my chest. King Kong in the flesh, I'll see you next time. Rest only checks. Blood, tears and sweat determine what you get. I'm determined to get success. I'm trying what you expect. It's got you kick on in the flesh cause they know I'm a beast, not a pet, more like a vet. Write my checks and please don't get to bugging me. Please don't be a pest. I'm too focused. I've been've been hungry like I'm from budapest.
Speaker 1:Corona came and it was so ugly for the whole country. I searched for myself and I made a discovery. I've been living on skull island this whole time. I'm blessed. Uh, king kong in the flesh, because they know I'm a beast, not a pet. Don't try to pet. I'm at your mix. I'm coming to you, it's big. Uh, king Kong in the flesh. Don't make me have to flex, beat my chest. Okay, bet, say less. I'm coming to you, it's big, I'm not in the nest, I'm too fly. I left.
Speaker 1:This ain't music. This shit is love to me. It's like a drug to me. If you really feel it, let me know you fuck with me. Keep it above with me, walk to my cell. I know she was a plug to me. Now people look up to me. First time I heard it it really stuck to me Like I'm under a desk and I don't see no test. With this pen and this pad, everything I'm writing be correct. They can say whatever they want, but they it get me upset. I don't care if you talk down, go ahead, get it off of your chest. Hope you hate. I just treat it like the plus one. Be my guest. Y'all gonna make me drop my nuts and really start talking my shit. Everything I touch on fire and you, acting like I ain't lit, set the bars towards the empire. Stay better before I slip. If they gotta shoot me down, well, they better bring the whole clip and Outro Music. I'm out. Outro Music.