Mastering the Mindset
Mastering the Mindset
Don't Die With Regret
Too often we get caught up in shaping ourselves to fit the expectations of society. We wear a masks in hopes of acceptance. Can you imagine reaching the end of your life only to realize you've lived it according to someone else's script? The number 1 regret people have when they reach the end of life?—the regret of not being true to ourselves. Let's talk about it.
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What's up everybody and thank you for listening to Mastering the Mindset. My name is Darius Dodge and I'm an actor, hip-hop artist and fitness and life coach, and I'm here to personally help you train and improve your mindset so that you can, one, become the best version of yourself mentally and, two, gain focus and motivation to be able to take action and achieve the success in life that you want and deserve. Before we get started, please like and subscribe to my channel and at the end of this episode, if you liked it, please share it with a friend or a loved one or someone who would benefit from hearing this message. I'm so glad you're here and I'm ready to go on this journey with you, and that journey begins now. All right, welcome back to another episode. Thank you all for being here. If you are listening and watching on YouTube, please go ahead and subscribe to my channel.
Speaker 1:If you are listening to me on a podcast platform, please leave a review. Also, there is a new way to support me. You can become a monthly supporter and you can make a monthly donation of either three, five, eight or ten dollars, and you can decide to stop donating donating at any time. That would be greatly appreciated. Um, all donations help me keep this thing going and I left links in the description for you to be able to click on and become a supporter, and I thank you in advance. Thank you so much. All right, let's jump in. Today I got another quick one for you to be able to click on and become a supporter, and I thank you in advance. Thank you so much. All right, let's jump in today.
Speaker 1:I got another quick one for you today, again, kind of a little pep talk, but the topic is a little grim. Well, not grim, but a real look in the mirror moment, or look at who we are and are becoming and what we need to change to prevent that. One thing none of us want dying with regret. Let's talk about it, let's go there and I hate that word, but let's talk about it, because dying with regret should be one of your biggest fears. I know, it's damn sure one of mine, but I want to talk about dying with regret so we don't have to. The last thing I want for you to do, and me, is to get to the end of life and have all these regrets and hopefully, since you've been listening to me, you've been striving for a change, trying to make sure you go after your goals and you take action towards living the kind of life you want to live, towards becoming the kind of person you want to become. And as we do that, we obviously are going to lessen the amount of opportunities or areas of regret when we get to the end of the road.
Speaker 1:But the number one regret that folks have when they do get to the end is I wish I would have lived a life that was true to myself, true to myself and not the life that other people expected of me, and that actually came from a book called the Five Regrets of the Dying. And in this book, in this book, the number one regret they found of people on a deathbed was that particular one they wished they lived a life that was true to themselves and not one that they were expected to live. And I'm going to break that down into two areas. So first one the way, a path that can lead to this specific regret is people's need for acceptance. People's need for acceptance. Now, this is one of the things that will make you regret when you get to the end of your life.
Speaker 1:It'll make you regret that you didn't do the things that were true to yourself and from a young age we have this personality Right, and if you break down the word, the root word in Greek persona, the persona, was the mask. Back then when folks were wearing on stage like theater Shout out to my little theater reference but they would put on or perform a persona. And your personality, from where you started grooming it at an early age until now, is really this character that you made yourself into, and a lot of times, different layers of that character, different elements of that character, are what your parents wanted you to be, what society wanted you to be, to be somebody that people will love. If you're attracted to women, to be the kind of person who women are attracted to. If you're attracted to men, to be the kind of person men are attracted to, to be the kind of person that's outgoing or tells funny jokes or who has great hair or whatever the things that we think people want us to be and what that can lead to is us losing ourselves who we truly are. And it really starts at an early age when we start to become who we're going to become, and, of course, it ain't all bad things or things that make you not your true self. But for the most part, everybody does want to be accepted and we do things that society says will make us the kind of person who is accepted.
Speaker 1:And the thing is, a big reason why some folks have this midlife crisis is because of this. They did the things that society told them they should do and then one day they realized they lost themselves along the way that this ain't it. They need life to be different. They need who they are to be different. Like whose life is this? Who am I? I didn't want this career, I didn't want to be living here. I didn't want to get that degree, I didn't want to go to that college, I didn't want to marry that person. And people wake up like who am I? This ain't who I am. This is a fake life and a personal example, and definitely not a serious one or deep one.
Speaker 1:But for me, I hate opening night toasts, specifically for those big theaters. That's going to have a bunch of people in the lobby for the toast and a whole bunch of folks that I don't know and I ain't talking about the cast or the folks involved in the production of the play. I'm talking about all the people that I don't know, the ones who all said the same thing to you you were amazing, you did such a good job and that part is fine, thank you. I appreciate you. Thank you, but it's the conversation immediately after, like man, when I tell you that some people it can be awkward they ask the same dumb questions. They a lot of times mistake me for another black man they saw in a different show, a different theater, like you were so great in wine in the wilderness at penumbra. Uh, yeah, I, I, I wasn't in that, ma'am. Oh, you weren't. No, no, ma'am, I I wasn't in that. That was a different actor in town. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was you. You have no idea how much that happens to me. That and them just having bad jokes or just being awkward, awkward interactions.
Speaker 1:And I probably should have led with the fact that I'm kind of an introvert, so that stuff literally drains me. It does. I can feel my meter going down and I get closer and closer to just want to take my ass home. And the best of them are the actors, man, they are so good in these situations. They can do the thing the chit chat, the small talk. They can be entertaining and super funny and hold the crowd and all that, and I am good, I'm cool on that. Leave me alone Again. I don't mind people saying good job, congratulations and keeping it moving. That's fine.
Speaker 1:It's the other part, and for the longest, longest, for years, I would try and just suffer through it. I would try and force myself to be somebody. I'm not like I said, I'm introvert. I have a tight, small circle of folks that I'm close with, but some of them other actors, I see them and they be making these strangers feel like they, really like them, and then the next day or later tonight they be like man. You heard that dumb ass question that old lady asked me. But the whole time, from my viewpoint, I'm like man. How do you do it anyway? Long story short, I accepted that I'm not that person and I'm okay with it. Now I damn near hire from folks and I go find that one person in the cast that I'm real close with and we be like all right, you stay by me, I'm gonna stay by you. We got each other back, ok, and the whole time we just sit there and people watch and talk trash about people and I don't tell about. I said that, but actors do that. We'd be talking all kind of stuff about folks opening night ceremonies. Ok, I digress, but don't let society trick you into pretending that you are somebody you're not.
Speaker 1:And Jim Carrey has this great quote that I love. He says your need for acceptance will make you invisible in this world. And there's a lot of truth in that. Your need for acceptance will make you invisible. You weren't born to be the same as everybody else. And we get it right. We feel like we low key, need to be, we need to be accepted to a certain extent.
Speaker 1:Who want to be an outsider? Who want to be the person that nobody relates to? Because sometimes that's what it feel like if we start acting different and we don't try and be accepted. Right, and of course we don't have to be. We don't have to be accepted. It ain't a life or death thing. And of course we want to be around people. We want people to like us. But you have to ask yourself am I changing myself? Am I changing myself for other people?
Speaker 1:And like Rick Rubin says he's a producer and founder of Def Jam Records I like this quote from him. He said I don't need you to like me, I want you to like me, but I'm not going to change who I am, for you to like me and everybody, everybody should apply those three sentences in their lives. We really should, because we do want people to like us, we do want to be loved, we do want to be accepted. But hey, if I ain't out here hurting folks or breaking the law or being a horrible person, then why should I have to change who I am? Just to feel like you, like me, just to fit in some box?
Speaker 1:And we're taught this from a young age that we need to fit in Right, how to act, how to talk to adults, how to behave in school, what's appropriate to say. But now, as adults, we've got to get to a point where we realize that we got some aspects about ourselves that we love and some aspects and things that we need to change. We got to wake up one day and ask ourselves okay, what makes me happy and what do I want to do Right? So that's the first reason why folks are not living the life they want, a life that's true to them. They feel like they need to be accepted. And the second reason why, which is really important, is that people don't know who they truly are. And because they don't know who they truly are. They don't know what they truly want.
Speaker 1:We rarely ask ourselves what do I want? What is it that will make me happy? Ask ourselves what do I want? What is it that will make me happy? What do you want? What do you want from your life? A lot of times we don't know what we want because we don't take the time to sincerely and honestly ask ourselves what we want. But you better believe we know what we don't want. We know exactly what it is we don't want. We have those fears, the worst case scenarios in our brains, the comfort zones. We don't want to step outside of the failures, the regret. And maybe you're a person who does know what they want. You truly know deep down. You've looked inward, you had the conversation with yourself. Maybe you even went to therapy and your therapist helped you discover some things, and you know exactly who you are and what you want.
Speaker 1:The next step that most of us don't take is actually doing something about the things they do want. We can know what it is we want and we still can sit back and not go for it. What are we doing? Don't let any external factors keep you from going and doing what you want, from going for and doing what you want. Embrace what it is you want, follow it.
Speaker 1:So many folks out there that lost touch with their true selves and they forget about their passions. They forget about the things that truly interest them. And if you don't know what that thing is that you want or that will truly make you happy, what you truly want, then search for it. Take some time to figure it out, because what's the alternative? You continuing to not live the life that's true to who you are, and then one day you won't be here.
Speaker 1:We only have so much time, so it's time. It's time to figure out what we want, what makes us happy, to stop letting society dictate who we should be and what we should do with our lives. Stop paying attention to what other people think about us and whether they like us or not. You don't have to live with that person every day for the rest of your life, but you have to live with yourself. So let's make self happy. Huh.
Speaker 1:The number one regret is people getting to the end of their life and wishing they would live the life true to them and not what other people expected of them. So let go of that need for acceptance and figure out who you are and what you want, because it's a journey, but it's also one that's worth it. So that's what I got for you today. Like I said, nice and quick, I would truly appreciate it if you became a monthly supporter. Said nice and quick, I would truly appreciate it if you became a monthly supporter. Like I said, you get to choose the amount three, five, eight or ten dollars a month and you can stop whenever you want. To thank you again. Let's go ahead and get to this music.
Speaker 1:The song of the day is going to be it all makes sense. Let's ride out. Uh, you ain't got a touch to know I'm real. Close your eyes. You can hear. I tasted too many tears. That got me thinking If you really feel me, that all makes sense. I feel like, like this song really touching me. I can feel the rush in me. Oh, what a feeling. That all makes sense. Me hope you felt that and I've been trying to touch a million. I want to touch the finer things, want to touch all kind of things. Take me to the cemetery. Let me touch my mama grave, thinking about my past, I just seen all kind of things. 2020 hindsight probably shouldn't try some things.
Speaker 1:Okay, I see now, yeah, I see now. Look me in my eye, nigga, tell me what you see. Huh, I see progress. I see prosper. I can see the treetops. I swear I hear the birds and that's music to my ears and I taste one of my tears, thinking how I persevered. But you ain't gotta touch to know I'm real. Close your eyes. You can hear I tasted too many tears.
Speaker 1:It got me thinking, if you really feel me, that all makes sense. You ain't gotta touch to know I'm real. Close your eyes. You can hear I tasted too many tears. It got me thinking, if you really feel me, uh, that all makes sense. I feel like you, niggas' feelings never matter to me. I feel like Urkel. Family matters to me, feel me or not. I feel for George Floyd's family. His life matters to me. I feel like I can feel the damage in me, feel me or not, but I feel like I'm one of the realest rappers I see.
Speaker 1:I look around and look the same. As far as that, I can see. You see it. You see my three fingers. You see me. Let them linger. I made my own lane. Won't ever see a blinker Once saw myself as a failure. Let me tell you the victory never tastes sweeter and keep my name out your mouth. I hope it tastes like ether. I want to taste her deepest thoughts and desires. Do what it requires to keep her coming. I make sure she arrives.
Speaker 1:I watch the news. What a divide. I got us thinking different. And donald trump got white people out here thinking ignorant, thinking like some bigots, and think how that make me feel. But you ain't got a touch. Yeah, you see, I can't speak for nobody else but me. But believe me when I tell you All I want for you to do is feel me. You feel me. You ain't gotta touch to know I'm real. Close your eyes, you can hear. I tasted too many tears. It got me thinking. And I'm not looking for no handouts or no pats on the back or no favors. I just want you to feel me. You ain't gotta touch to know I'm real. Close your eyes, you can hear. I tasted too many tears. It got me thinking. If you really feel me, it all makes sense.