Mastering the Mindset
Mastering the Mindset
How To Not Die With Regret
What would you regret most if today was your last day? The number one regret of people on their deathbed is not living a life true to themselves, but rather the life others expected of them. Our human need for acceptance shapes us from childhood, creating a "persona" (literally "mask" in Greek) that can shy away from who we are authentically. Society pressures us to maintain facades that drain our energy and disconnect us from our true nature.
Losing myself and finding my strength, came to the conclusion that I want it all, feeling that pressure of trying to do better. I wanna reach heights, but too scared to fall, too scared to fail. You're way more scared of feeling regret. I'm not even trying. That's terrifying. I understand that. Chasing my goals are burying my clocks because it take time. I gotta go. I already know if I wanna grow, you breathe what you sow. That be the case, planting my seeds and water my base. Yeah, I made mistakes. Yeah, I know you grow in your garden, but watch for the snakes, the people that act like you crazy but trying to stay far away. They don't think it's possible. I think it's possible. That is just hate if they hate themselves because they on the shelf While you create a life that you love, a life that you love Loving the fact you're improving yourself.
Speaker 1:Decided that you would not settle, decided that you got the drive to do what the road got. Bumping your foot on the pedal. You go up a level, you turn up whenever it's time for you to go. Put in that work. I know my worth. I know it ain't gonna be easy. Yeah, I know it hurt my fingers for, yeah, I know it hurt. One thing is for sure yeah, until they put me in this earth, before I ride in that hearse, I'm chasing my goals. I'm chasing my goals. Yeah, loving the fact you improving yourself, decided that you would not settle. Decided that you got the drive to do it, to go, got pump and good foot in the gutter. I'm chasing my goals.
Speaker 1:All right, and welcome back to another episode. Thank y'all so much for being here. Um, if you are watching me on a on the youtube on the youtube, if you're watching me on youtube, go ahead and like and subscribe to my channel. If you're listening to me on the podcast platform, please leave me a review. Also, become a monthly supporter. You can choose the amount. It can be three, five, eight or ten dollars. You get to choose the amount and you can also cancel at any time or, if you want to, you can make a one-time donation. I left links in the description of this podcast, but let's go ahead and dive in.
Speaker 1:I got a quick one for y'all today, kind of a a little pep talk, and the topic is a little grim. Well, not grim, but a real look in the mirror right, a look at who we are and who we're becoming and what we have to change to prevent that one thing that none of us want dying with regret. Let's talk about it, let's go there and I hate that word, but let's talk about it, because dying with regret should be one of your biggest fears I know, it's damn sure one of mine, but I want to talk about dying with regret so we don't have to. The last thing I want for you to do, and me, is to get to the end of the road, to get to the end of life and have all these regrets. And hopefully, since you've been listening to me, you've been striving for a change, trying to make sure you go after your goals and you take action towards living the kind of life you want to live, towards becoming the kind of person you want to become. And as we do that, we obviously are going to lessen the amount of opportunities for regret when we get to the end of the road. But the number one regret that people have when they get to the end is I wish I would have lived a life that was true to myself, true to myself and not the life that other people expected of me and we're going to dive into that one a little more specifically and that comes from this book called the Five Regrets of the Dying, and in that book the number one regret they found in people on a deathbed was that particular regret they wished they lived the life that was true to themselves and not one they were expected to live. And we will break down that into two areas. And the first one the way or the path that can lead to this specific regret, is people's need for acceptance. People's need for acceptance. This is one of the things that will make you have regret when you get to the end of your life. It'll make you regret that you didn't do things that was really true to yourself.
Speaker 1:And from a young age we've had a personality right. And if we break down that word, the root word in Greek, persona, like, like the mask, way back when back at theater, like they were on stage, they would put on or perform a persona Right. And your personality, from when you started grooming it at a very young age until now, is really this character that you made yourself into. And a lot of times different layers of that character, different elements of that character, are what your parents wanted you to be. Some of it is what society wants you to be. To be somebody that people will love, right, if you like women, the kind of person that women are attracted to. If you like men, the kind of person that men are attracted to. To be the kind of person that's outgoing, that tells funny jokes or has great hair.
Speaker 1:Whatever it is the things we think people want us to be and that can lead to us losing ourselves who we truly are. And it really starts at an early age, right when we first started to become who we're going to become. And, of course, it ain't all bad things. It ain't all things that make you not true to yourself, but, for the most part, everybody wants to be accepted and we do things that society says will make us be the kind of person who is accepted.
Speaker 1:And this is a big reason why people have a midlife crisis. Right, they did all the things that society told them they should do and one day they realized they lost themselves along the way that this ain't it. They need life to be different. They need who they are to be different. Like who is whose? Life is this? Who am I? I didn't want this life, I didn't want this career. I don't want to be living here. I don't want to get this degree, I don't want to go to that college, I don't want to marry that person. And they wake up like who am I? This ain't who. I am right, this is a fake life and a personal example is definitely not a serious one or deep, but for me, I hate opening night toasts, like the celebration in the lobby after the show, specifically for bigger theaters.
Speaker 1:That got a lot of people in the lobby for the show, specifically for bigger theaters. That got that got a lot of people in the lobby for the toast right. A whole bunch of folks I don't know, and I ain't talking about the cast or the folks that, um, that are involved in the production of the play. I'm talking about all the people that I don't know, the ones who all say the same thing to you you are so amazing, you did such a good job right, and that part is fine, is fine, thank you. I appreciate you, thank you, but it's a conversation immediately after that man. When I tell you some people it can be awkward. Most of them ask the same questions.
Speaker 1:A lot of times they mistake me for another actor, another black man, right, either in this show that I'm in, or a show they saw at a different theater that I wasn't even in. You were in Wine in the Wilderness at Penumbra Theater, right? Yeah, no, no, ma'am, I wasn't in that show. Oh, you weren't. Oh, oh, oh, I thought that was you. No, ma'am, that was a different actor in town. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was you. Yeah, you have no idea how much that happens to me. People always mistake me for another black actor in town, right, that. And maybe these folks have bad jokes or just awkward interactions in general.
Speaker 1:And I probably should leave with the fact that I'm kind of an introvert, right. So that stuff really drains me these nights around all these folks. It drains me, it does, and I can feel my meter going down slower and slower and slower, the closer and closer I get to the end and I just want to take my ass home. And the best of the actors, the best ones, man, they are so good in these situations. They can do that thing, they can chit, chat the small talk, they can be entertaining and super funny and hold a crowd and all that good stuff. And me, I'm good, I'm good, leave me alone. Again, I don't mind you saying good job or congratulations, right, but keep it moving. That's fine, right, it's the other part Right, and for the longest, for years, I would try and suffer through that. I would try and force myself to be somebody. I'm not Like I said, I could be introverted.
Speaker 1:I have a tight, small circle of folks that I'm close with and the other actors in my cast, my cast mates. I see them and they be making these strangers feel like they really like them, like they're best friends, and then the next day or later on in the night, they'd be like man, you heard that dumb ass thing. That person said to me that dumb ass question that lady asked me. But the whole time, from my viewpoint, look like y'all really enjoying this, right, and on the inside I'm like man, how do you do it? I wish I had that. Anyway, long story short, I accepted that I just ain't that person and I'm okay with it.
Speaker 1:Now, yeah, I damn near hide from folks. I go find that person in the cast I'm closest with and we'd be like all right, you stay by me, I'm gonna stay by you. We got each other back, do not leave me alone, right, and the whole time we'd be like all right, you stay by me, I'm gonna stay by you. We got each other back. Do not leave me alone, right? And the whole time we'd be in there talking trash about folks people watching and having fun making jokes, right, and believe me, actors, we do this, right. Every opening night ceremony we do that. We be talking all kind of stuff about folks behind their back. I digress, don't tell nobody. I said that.
Speaker 1:Anyway, don't let society trick you into pretending to be somebody you're not. And Jim Carrey has this great quote. He said your need for acceptance will make you invisible in this world. Your need for acceptance will make you invisible in this world, and there is so much truth in that. Your need for acceptance will make you invisible. You weren't born to be the same as everybody else. And we get it right.
Speaker 1:We feel like we low-key, need to be, who want to be the outsider, who want to be the person that nobody likes, because that's what it can feel like it's happening if we act different or we don't try and be accepted. And of course we don't have to be, we don't have to be accepted. It's not a life or death thing, but of course we want to be around people, we want people to like us. But you have to ask yourself am I changing myself? Am I changing myself for other people? And like Rick Rubin says, he's a producer and the founder of Def Jam Records I love this quote from him.
Speaker 1:He said I don't need you to like me, I want you to like me, but I'm not going to change who I am for you to like me. And everybody should apply those three sentences in life. We really should say I don't need you to like me, I want you to like me, but I'm not going to change who I am for you to like me. Because we do want folks to like us, we do want to be loved, we do want to be accepted. But hey, if I'm not out here hurting people or breaking the law or being a horrible person, then why should I have to change who I am just to feel like you like me, just to fit in some box?
Speaker 1:Right, and we're taught from a young age that we need to fit in. We're taught how to act, how to talk to adults, how to behave in school, what's appropriate to say. But now, as adults, we have to get to a point where we realize that we got some aspects about ourselves that we love and some aspects about ourselves we have to change. We got to wake up one day and ask ourselves OK, so what makes me happy and what do I want to do? What makes me happy and what do I want to do? So that's the first reason, right, why people regret not well by people.
Speaker 1:The first regret that people have when they get to the end is not living the life that was true to them, right? They feel the need to be accepted. Second one, which is really really important, is that people don't know who they truly are, and because they don't know who they truly are, they don't know what they truly want. We rarely truly ask ourselves what do I want? What is it that will make me happy? So ask yourself what do you want? What do you want from your life?
Speaker 1:A lot of times we don't know what we want because we don't take the time to truly and sincerely ask ourselves what we want. But you better believe we know what we don't want. Oh yeah, we know exactly what it is we don't want. We have those fears, the worst case scenarios in our brains, the comfort zones we don't want to step outside of right, the worst case scenarios in our brains, the comfort zones that we don't want to step outside, of the failures we're afraid of right the regrets. And maybe you're a person who does know what they want and you truly know deep down and you've looked inward and you had the conversation with yourself. Maybe you even went to therapy and your therapist helped you discover some things that you know exactly what you want.
Speaker 1:Now the next step, and most and the next step in the step that most of us don't take, is actually doing something about the things we do want. We can know what it is we want and we still can sit back and not go for it. What are we doing? Don't let any external factors keep you from going and from going after and doing what you want. Embrace what it is you want, follow it.
Speaker 1:So many people out there have lost touch with their true selves and they forget about their passions. Right, they forget about the things that truly interest them, and if you don't know what that thing is that you want or what will truly make you happy, what you truly want, then search for it. Take some time to figure it out, because what's the alternative? Right, you continuing to not live the life that's true to you? Right who you truly are. And then one day, you won't be here, you'll be gone and you will die with all this regret. We only have so much time on this earth, so it's time. It's time to figure out what we want, what makes us happy, to stop letting society decide or dictate who we are and be what we and be who we truly are and what we should truly do with our lives. So stop paying attention to what other people think about us, about whether or not they like us. You don't have to live with that person every day for the rest of your life, but you do have to live with yourself every day for the rest of your life. So let's make ourselves happy Again.
Speaker 1:The number one regret the number one regret is people getting to the end of their life and wishing they would have lived a life that was more true to themselves and not what other folks expected of them. Let go of that need for acceptance and figure out who you are and who and what you want. It's a journey, but it's one that's worth it, right? So that's what I got for you today. Thank y'all for being here. Please share this episode with a friend or family member on social media. Please make sure you tag me Also. Become a supporter of the. Also, let's go ahead and get to this music, like we always do.
Speaker 1:This one is kind of an old one, but it's a good one. It's called Rainfall. Let's ride out. Yeah, it's raining again. I got it. I hear the rain. I got it. I hear the rain. Yeah, I hear the rain. I, I got it. I hear the rain. Yeah, I hear the rain. I'm shaking demons off me. I hear the rain. Yeah, uh, yeah, let's get it. Rainbow, rainbow. It's days like this. I just want to thank God that I ain't y'all, cause y'all don't know how to deal with no rainbow, with no rainbow, cause I hear the rain.
Speaker 1:Rainbow, I hear the same. That she don't feel the same. I want to be like me forever. I don't feel ashamed. I never change. I'll always be me. She telling me I'm stubborn. I got a big heart, though I get it from my mother and you will never find another. I'm just confident. Don't call me conceited. Hope this rain cool me down because I get overheated.
Speaker 1:I should just take it easy. Pull one up, cause I need it, get some wings and go eat it, put Netflix on the TV and Colin Kaepernick just got a brand new deal with Nike. Goddamn, I just bought some Adidas and if you ever in the jam, you got my number. Nigga, call if you need me. And that's the realest shit I ever wrote, cause I know these lil' skies like to get a lil' cloudy. It rain all day till you need a lil' yachty. Bet my neighbors hate the weekend out.
Speaker 1:I call that Kama Sutra, trying to brand myself in. You want to start a rumor? I won't even say your name, bitch, nothing but a loser. My niggas going beast mode, dope it in the kilo. We some fly Negroes, black superheroes, play some trap music and you see my alter ego. I've been getting ratchet ever since I was the Nino. Take three be the lingo. I don't trust too many people. You never see the real me. That's only if we close. I know you want me to open up and let you in, but I've been looking through this peephole. Thank God for peepholes.
Speaker 1:It's a rainy day. I'm stacking up like saving for a rainy day. I eat the cake like anime, watch for the fake like anime. I never fabricate nothing. I put my life in the music. So if I pass away, play my album at the wake. And I knew one day that I have to reign, and, with my back against the ropes, I turn into Cassius Clay. Don't like what I have to say. You can't go masturbate. You better acclimate to reign. I can validate your pain. I can hear the rain. I hear the rain. I hear the rain. I hear the rain. I hear the rain. I'm in my zone right now. I'm in my zone. I'm in my zone right now. I'm in my zone, shaking demons off me. Get off me, let's get it. Rainbow, rainbow. It's days like this. I just wanna thank God that I ain't y'all, cause y'all don't know how to deal with no rainbow, with no rainbow. Let's get it, cause I hear the rain.