Mastering the Mindset
Mastering the Mindset
Rewrite Your Mental Narrative
Our brains constantly create mental chatter in the form of stories about ourselves, others, and the world around us, directly affecting our feelings and actions throughout each day.
• These mental narratives shape our perception of reality, creating cognitive distortions that can cause mental suffering
• Thoughts trigger physical responses, creating a cycle where feelings dictate the actions we take
• Public speaking anxiety, interpreting text message responses, and hearing "we need to talk" are common examples of negative thought spirals
• Breaking the cycle requires identifying absolutist language like "always" and "never" that rarely align with reality
• Testing beliefs by taking action often reveals our fears are unfounded, as demonstrated through sharing music despite worries about quality
• Restructuring negative self-talk involves replacing phrases like "I always mess up" with "I messed up this time but I'm learning"
• Transformation requires awareness, evaluation, challenging narratives, restructuring thoughts, and consistent practice
• Personal growth happens through intentionally changing thought patterns, not overnight but as an ongoing journey
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Losing myself and finding my strength, came to the conclusion that I want it all, feeling that pressure of trying to do better. I want to reach heights, but too scared to fall, too scared to fail. You're way more scared of feeling regret. I'm not even trying. That's terrifying. I understand that. Chasing my goals are burying my clocks because it take time. I gotta go. I already know If I want to grow, you breathe what you sow. That be the case, planting my seeds and water my base. Yeah, I made mistakes. Yeah, I know you grow in your garden, but watch for the snakes. The people that act like you crazy but trying to stay far away. They don't think it's possible. I think it's possible. That is just hate if they hate themselves because they're on the shelf.
Speaker 1:Why you create a life that you love. A life that you love, yeah, loving the fact you improving yourself, decided that you would not settle, decided that you got the drive to do what the road got. Bumping your foot on the pedal. You go up a level. You turn up whenever it's time for you to go. Put in that work. I know my worth. I know it ain't gonna be easy. Yeah, I know it hurt. One thing is for sure. Yeah, until they put me in this earth, before I ride in that hearse, I'm chasing my goals. I'm chasing my goals. Yeah, love and affect you, improving yourself. Decided that you would not settle. Decided that you got the drive to do it, to go, got punk and good foot in the gutter. I'm chasing my goals, all right, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Speaker 1:Welcome back to another episode. Thank y'all so much for being here. If you are watching me on youtube, go ahead and like and subscribe to my channel. If you are listening to me on a podcast platform, please leave me a review. Also, become a supporter of the show, a monthly supporter. You can pick the amount. It can either be three, five, eight or ten dollars. You can cancel at any time. It's greatly appreciated. But I did say thank you for watching me on YouTube. We are back up and live. We're not live, but we back up and running on YouTube. So if you're listening on a podcast platform and you want to go over to YouTube and watch along with me, go ahead and do that now.
Speaker 1:But let's go ahead and dive into this thing. Man, today let's talk about the cause of our mental suffering. Most of the time, we can point the finger at it and know exactly what it is. And even though we know this, it's a good exercise to think about it on a conscious level, to really deliberately get a grasp of it that from the moment we wake up to the time we go to sleep, our brains are constantly chattering, buzzing all day long, and the big part of that is our brain doing this mental chatter, chatter in the form of stories that we tell ourselves, talking to ourselves and creating these stories about ourselves, about who we are, how other folks see us or perceive us, if it's good or bad. Right Is the. Is the world good or bad? Your boss, your coworker, what they think of you, what you think of them, and it's going on all day in your head, whether you take a moment to be aware of it or not. Them, and it's going on all day in your head, whether you take a moment to be aware of it or not, even if you're conscious of it. You better believe.
Speaker 1:These little thoughts shape the way you feel, the way you move in life. Thoughts create feelings in your body, like, for example, if you have a thought that something you said might have offended somebody. Well, your brain is going to send signals to your body and might feel anxious, your heart rate might change, your breathing is going to change, then stress and anxiety hormones will kick in and send back those signals to your brain. And now you created a cycle. Thoughts create feelings, and let's be aware of this and take inventory from time to time, because feelings dictate the actions we take. Because, let's be honest, when you don't feel good, it's hard to take action. It's hard to create the life you want. When you feel anxious, when you feel stressed, when you feel sad, mad and eventually, if that goes on long enough, it's going to dictate what our reality ends up.
Speaker 1:Being being aware of what's going on in your brain is important. It really is. Our brain makes us see the world in the way we do, and the way we think about and the way we think we are perceived, the way we perceive ourselves, right, where we fit in this thing we call life. All of that is perceived through the stories that go on in our heads every day. It's how our brains make sense of things, and these stories come from a bunch of different places from past experiences, from the people we hang around, from what we see on social media, from the way we are raised, past relationships, the music we listen to, tv shows we watch A lot of times all these things create what's called cognitive distortion, and cognitive distortion is defined as let me read this an irrational or exaggerated thought that can lead to an inaccurate perception of reality, and we're going to dive into that a little deeper in a minute, in a moment, but let me give you a quick example of that.
Speaker 1:So every year, for the past four years now, I perform my music for the City of St Cloud as part of the Juneteenth celebration, and after the third one, they offer me to not only perform again but to be the headliner, the main act. And when I tell you my anxiety, my anxiety, my anxiety, and you're probably wondering like what you're talking about, why? Why? Anxiety, you performed it before. You literally did it three times already. Anxiety, you performed it before, you literally did it three times already. And yes, if you just look at it from a black and white perspective, a black and white angle on a rational angle, right, and just state the facts, literally all I'm doing is performing songs. I wrote music that everybody tells me is good, in front of people who, for the past three years in a row have told me it's good. So what the hell am I tripping about? It's the story I was telling myself that I'm not ready to be a headliner. What if I don't know how to, if I don't know what to say between songs? How will I ever be able to keep everybody's attention for that long? I might be boring. I don't have any new music to put out. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right.
Speaker 1:Another good example is public speaking. A lot of folks are terrified about public speaking and again, what happens is we play out in our head the story of what could happen, how we could fall flat on our face, how we could look awkward, how the audience could hate everything about us. And that thought can and will affect how you feel and act during that public speaking or, in my case, my performance, which is just going to reinforce your anxiety and keep you right where you are stuck, having anxiety about public speaking. Other examples you send that text to somebody and you see those three little dots pop up and they sit there for like five seconds, then go away and you're like OK, did I offend them? Are they mad? Did I say something wrong? Should I not have said it that way, did they take it the wrong way? Or if somebody says we need to talk, my Lord, the, we need to talk, line them.
Speaker 1:Four words have caused so much stress and so much anxiety in the world, and not just from husband and wife and partner, but from your boss, family member, the doctor. If the doctor calls you and says, yes, again, we got your test results, give us a call back to talk about them. Your heart rate going to drop Again. I've been done that. I never forget.
Speaker 1:I went to the clinic to get my, to get the STD test, and every time I go they ask me if you want them to call you with your results. And if you do, they won't give your results. They won't give them via voicemail for privacy reasons. Right, they have to verify over the phone that it's you the person on the phone. So basically, they say wait a week or two weeks, whatever it was, and if we don't call you, that's good news. If we don't call you, that means it's good news.
Speaker 1:And tell me why these folks called me, left me a voicemail saying this message is for Darius Dutch at such and such and such clinic, your test results came back. Give us a call when I tell you my soul left my body. I died for six seconds, literally, and my brain went crazy. All these stories in my head, you can imagine. I'm like, oh my God, do I have AIDS? Do I have chlamydia? Will I be able to have kids? Ain't nobody going to want me, want a man with herpes? It's over. I'm going to be single forever. And I called them just for them to say so. Good news Everything came back negative.
Speaker 1:Well, you got me up here stressing I did all that, worrying for nothing, right, and we do this in several areas of our lives. Something happens and then we just leave reality behind for a second and make up all these stories in our heads, right, and it happens so much. It happens every day and unfortunately we allow it to change our emotions. We do, and if those emotions end up being good ones, then good. It's way easier to take actions that we need to create the life we want. But if it don't feel good, it's going to be harder to take that action.
Speaker 1:So let's talk about some techniques and let's figure out how to identify what those negative thoughts are and the patterns that you have and what are these stories that we're telling ourselves, and then to challenge the validity of them. Right, that's a very important part of it. Challenge the validity, which is step one. I'm going to get to that a little bit. But to see how it all, to see how it's all lies, that a little bit, but to see how it all, to see how it's all lies, right. We mislead ourselves and then you take those negative thoughts and you replace them with thoughts that are going to serve you better. And the goal of it all is to change, to change your emotional behavior, to be able to get you to take an action to create the life you want, and also for more happiness. Get you to take an action to create the life you want and also for more happiness, to be more satisfied by this restructuring, right, cognitive restructuring is what it's called and, like I said, this involves identifying specific negative thoughts you have and to challenge the validity of them, the accuracy.
Speaker 1:Like, for example, if you say I'm awkward, I'm bad with words, I'm ugly, I have horrible handwriting, I'm stupid, I'm a bad driver, well, maybe that one A lot of y'all can't drive. But test the validity and actually asking yourself questions. And when you question yourself, don't just do it in your head. Do it out loud, say so. Let's say, for example, you say if you made a mistake on something and you say damn, I always mess up, I always mess up. So, instead of saying I always mess up, a better phrase would be I messed up this time, but I'm learning from this, or I messed up and I'm getting better at it.
Speaker 1:Identify that negative statement, replace it with a more valid and positive one, because, think about it, if you, if you're using words like always, never Right, I always mess up, I never get this right, I'm always saying stupid stuff, one that ain't true. You don't always do anything. Always is 100 percent, never is zero percent. You can't say I always say something wrong, or say the wrong thing, right, because you're not speaking a completely different language. You're not saying some random gibberish or cussing somebody out every sentence, right? You have way more conversations where you say the right thing, right, probably 99% of the time. But by putting this, this absoluteness on it, it makes your brain feel like you're messing up way more than you actually are, and this holds you back from seeing the truth. Because the irony is always and never. They almost never happen. Always and never, almost never happen. Always and never. For the most part, they rarely happen.
Speaker 1:Test the validity of those statements. Do you always break things? Do you always make the wrong decision? Do you never get it right? No, not always. No, not never.
Speaker 1:So the next thing you do is to test the beliefs that you tell yourself. To test the belief that you tell yourself. To test the belief that you're telling yourself. So, for example, if you think that if you speak up about something, the conversation is going to go south and it's going to be a bad experience and you will be so uncomfortable that you're going to die inside and the person is going to hate you test that. Say you know what. This is what I feel like is going to happen. Let me test this. Find your courage first and do it. Speak up about that thing and just see. And what'll happen is you're gonna prove that story wrong. You're gonna start to poke holes in the story and have that of the story that you have in your head.
Speaker 1:And the story I used to tell myself was about my music Before I got my studio. Hell, even after I still got it. Sometimes, to this day, I still have to poke holes in my story. Right, but before I got my home studio equipment, my homeboy. The first time I ever recorded myself was on a laptop that I borrowed from my homeboy, jude Shout out to the male, jude and I didn't have no equipment. All I had was the built-in microphone on his laptop.
Speaker 1:And the whole time I'm telling myself man, this just don't sound professional, right? People are not going to really listen to my music For real. For real, they're going to hear it the first five seconds and then get uninterested in it. Because, let's be honest, we done all heard some BS interested in it. Because, let's be honest, we done all heard some bs. Somebody who think they can rap, and they put their music out there, and not only is the quality horrible, but they don't have no talent, right, and you end up not needing to hear much of it, right? You hear it, you hear that vocal quality of it and it's trash and you just turn it off. That was my irrational fear that that would happen to me. But I decided to put it out anyway to test that validity. And, lo and behold, it was good, professional sounding, no, but everybody who heard it loved it.
Speaker 1:Fast forward to now. A lot of the music got put out, or at least lately. Right, I'm not mixing myself, I'm sending it off to engineers and I let them mix and master for me and they're not me. So the way they do it it ain't how I do it, right, and I was equating different with incorrect, and so I would like send feedback to the engineer and I'm sure he looking at me crazy, like what is this? What is this dude talking about? I don't hear all the things that he won't change. Right, it sounds just fine on my end and even though it might not have been the way I would, I would have did it.
Speaker 1:I still shared it with y'all anyway. And first let me say I think it's all good. All the music that the engineer had, that the engineers did for me and that they're doing, is good. I really enjoy it. I really appreciate it. But, like I said, I was used to the sound I produce and so I shared it with y'all.
Speaker 1:And what happens? Several of y'all on here told me that y'all loving the music Not nobody, not one of y'all was like, yeah, the song cool, but you know, you don't sound the same. You don't sound how you used to. It don't sound as good. No, that never happened and it probably never will happen. I had to poke holes and test the validity in that story. I was telling myself. And lo and behold, that story I was telling myself was BS. The music is fine, people love it.
Speaker 1:And then, like I mentioned before, the next thing, the most important thing, is to change around that narrative, change that phrase. You replace that phrase. No-transcript Right, then, what I normally do instead of somebody saying I never get the timing right, instead say I didn't get the time right this time, but I'm working on it, or I'm challenging myself to get my timing down Right. Instead of somebody saying I always messed up, say I messed up this time. Next time I'm going to make an effort to get that thing right.
Speaker 1:Take those negative thoughts and change them. Transform them into a narrative that's going to serve you better, that's going to empower you, allow yourself to have more of those thoughts that are going to actually support you in becoming the person that you actually want to become. And to do this, you need to first become aware of it, and that's aware of it in the outside, right, as well as on the inside, in the moment, in the moment when it's happening, right then and there and outside of the moment as we keep in track of it. Right, take inventory of these negative thoughts, notice which ones are the most reoccurring ones. So, first, awareness, become aware.
Speaker 1:Second thing is to evaluate it. Take that step back. Are these things based in facts or am I distorting the truth? Is my brain making me feel? Is my brain making me feel this way? Are you going to find out that nine times out of 10 is not a fact? Yes, you will. The third thing is you challenge those narratives, right? You challenge them with evidence. Do I always say the wrong thing? Well, no, I don't always say the wrong thing. That's not true, right? Today I did. Today, I said the wrong thing, but I don't always say the wrong thing, right. And the fourth thing is that you do, is you restructure those thoughts, you rewrite them, and what you do is you focus on what you're doing well, on how you want it to be. So, instead of saying I'm awkward when I'm meeting new people, what you say is I'm working on improving my social skill. So when I talk to people for the first time, I feel better about it. I'm improving my social skills, I'm getting better at this.
Speaker 1:And the last part of this is is practice. You have to have some repetition with this thing. You have to get those reps in. You have to step outside your comfort zone and just do it. You do, Otherwise it'll never go away, it'll never change, it just won't.
Speaker 1:And the reason you do this is you have to change the narrative by showing yourself that what you thought was going to happen didn't happen. And if it didn't happen, then it's false. It's false. Get rid of that. And this is something we have to be very intentional with. The stories that you tell yourself are shaping your life. It affects how you feel, how you interact with people. Right, the actions that you take and don't take, how you see yourself, the way you think forms that. And once you start to change those thought patterns, you'll be way more successful at changing your life. But it starts from within, with your mindset. And, like I always say, this is a journey. It's not going to happen right away, and I hope you never leave one of my episodes with that belief that something's going to happen right away. No, this is something you have to practice, something you have to do over and over again, but keep on keeping on. I'm right here on this journey with you. So that's what I got for you today. Thank you all again for being here.
Speaker 1:If you are watching on YouTube, please go ahead and like and subscribe to my channel. Please share this episode with a friend or family member, or share it on social media and make sure you tag me in it and become a supporter of the show. You can choose the amount. It can be $3, $5, $8, $10. Let's go ahead and get to this music Now.
Speaker 1:This is an old, unreleased song, and it's old. I did this long, probably, whew, five, six, seven years ago, but I only released it on Facebook. Uh, this was a time when I used to curse a lot more than I do, and first it ain't that bad. You'll see what I mean, though. Uh, but let me know, should I put this on streaming platforms, like on, um, uh, itunes and and um, spotify and all that? Let me know, leave me a comment. If you're on YouTube, you can email, mail me or text me, but let me know what you think. Should I? Should I share it or do a sound to outdated? Right, I do a little singing in this thing too. It's kind of cringeworthy to me right now, but you know, it is what it is, but hey, that's growth, right. The fact that it feels cringeworthy to me right now, that means it's growth. Anyway.
Speaker 1:The name of the song is let it breathe, let's ride out. I know shit change. That's what it is. My nigga uh, doin' your own thing. Get it in my nigga, uh, but we ain't the same. I'ma keep it in my nigga, but we ain't the same. I'ma keep it real, my nigga. At the end of the day, you still my nigga. I done lost a lot nigga. I just wanna win. I done lost friends. I done lost kin. I done lost ends.
Speaker 1:Wanna talk about a nigga Life shit. Where do I begin? And I feel it like it's coming to an end. If I drink right now I might binge. Fuck it. I'm going in, let the gavel drop. Got a life sentence told my life on a stand. Please don't judge me. I'm guilty as charged. My nigga, I'm guilty as charged. I've been through it all. Back up against the wall I'm gripping my balls, my chin to the stars. If I was so happy in the trip slip up and I fall, then who can I call my nigga family first, and I owe my niggas, yeah, and I pray I don't stumble.
Speaker 1:Lately I've been troubled. I'm hearing they mumbles. I got the torch and I don't want to fumble. I get my beast. I belong in the jungle. I got the heart of a tiger and lion, but I look around me and I see these dumbos. Let's get it. I come from the gumbo. I come through the front door. It's about to.
Speaker 1:I gotta let it breathe.
Speaker 1:I gotta let it breathe.
Speaker 1:I gotta let it breathe.
Speaker 1:You better talk to me carefully. I don't need you to check for me. Only if you gotta check for me and Only if you got a check for me. And this shit getting under my skin, feeling like I got leprosy Going hard is my specialty. Better, let it be. I gotta let it breathe and I talk to myself.
Speaker 1:Lately been talking to God a lot. Lately been working like I'm a stud. They came with that bullshit. I called him out. I can't hear that bullshit you talkin' bout. You play me like Tetris. I block you out. Maybe you should take a different route. This way. Got construction bitch, turn around. If they get me lit, then I burn it down. If I touch it, it go up in flames. She let me touch now. She sayin' my name. I made a wish soon as I touch the stage. I gotta rep this shit. Nigga. Take three, yes, take three till I lay in the grave Me sappin' mosey. They sayin' my name, be reppin' so hard. They gon' thank me again. They go. Oh, you know, tell me who you know in here workin' harder Lately, been tryin' to get close to my father Lately.
Speaker 1:I cry when I think about my mama. Know it ain't kill me, it's just make me stronger. I just had death as the fuel to my hunger. Been through the rain and I'm bringin' the Fuck your umbrella better take cover. Better watch your mouth when you're talking about my hustle. Better watch your mouth when you're talking about my grind. You know that I grind. I'm supposed to grind.
Speaker 1:Hoping, I shine like opening blinds. I'm going and going. It's always go time. I stay on the road like I don't go inside. I do it to death. But I hope it's alive. I know it's alive. I know that's a sign. I gotta let it breathe. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Speaker 1:I don't have a snooze button, can't sleep in. It's rare if you see me on the weekend Downstairs in the basement. That's where he been Doing work by myself. Play the cards. I was dealt. Play the cards right, don't re-nig. I really hate this season, all these clouds in the sky and it's raining.
Speaker 1:My life I've been fighting my demons. Don't give me a reason to dive in the deep end, way up top from the steep end, everybody watching each other and competing While I been plotting and scheming, every morning my knees bend. Uh gotta thank the Lord for what he did. Uh, cause I just looked around at what we did. Uh, it's a thing of beauty the way we beasted. It's a thing of beauty, but, nigga, we still ain't sleeping. Well, she is cause she need it. It's a thing of beauty, but nigga, we still ain't sleepin'. Well, she is cause she need it. Puttin' too much on my plate always been my weakness. Workin' so hard I forget to celebrate my achievements. I just hold it all in and realize I ain't even breathin'. I gotta let it breathe. I gotta let it breathe. You better talk to me carefully. I don't need you to check for me Only if you gotta check for me. And this shit getting under my skin, feeling like I got leprosy. Going hard is my specialty. Better, let it be. I gotta let it breathe. Thank you.