Mastering the Mindset
Mastering the Mindset
Leaving the Past Behind: Finding Freedom From What Holds You Back
Your hardest moments - like my experience sitting in a jail cell after a DWI, losing my job, or grieving my mother's death when I was fifteen - these aren't just painful memories. They're the very experiences that built your resilience, deepened your empathy, and gave you the wisdom books could never provide. A smooth sea doesn't make a skilled sailor, and a life without challenges doesn't create strength.
It's time to talk about letting go.
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Losing myself and finding my strength, came to the conclusion that I want it all, feeling that pressure of trying to do better. I wanna reach heights, but too scared to fall, too scared to fail. You're way more scared of feeling regret. I'm not even trying. That's terrifying. I understand that. Chasing my goals are burying my clocks because it take time. I gotta go. I already know if I wanna grow, you breathe what you sow. That be the case, planting my seeds and water my base. Yeah, I made mistakes. Yeah, I know you grow in your garden, but watch for the snakes, the people that act like you crazy but trying to stay far away. They don't think it's possible. I think it's possible. That is just hate if they hate themselves because they're on the shelf.
Speaker 1:Why you create a life that you love. A life that you love, yeah, loving the fact you improving yourself, decided that you would not settle, decided that you got the drive to do it. The road got bump in your foot and the pedal. You go up a level. You turn up whenever it's time for you to go. Put in that work. I know my worth. I know it ain't gonna be easy. Yeah, I know it hurt. One thing is for sure, yeah, until they put me in this earth, before I ride in that hearse, I'm chasing my goals. I'm chasing my goals. Yeah, love and affect you, improving yourself. Decided that you would not settle. Decided that you got the drive to do it, to go, got punk and good foot in the gutter. I'm chasing my goals.
Speaker 1:All right, and welcome back to another episode. Thank y'all so much for being here. If you are listening to me or watching me on youtube, rather, go ahead and like and subscribe to my channel. If you're listening to me on the podcast, go ahead and and leave me a review. These things help me out a lot. Also, do me a favor and become a monthly supporter. You can choose the amount. It can either be three, five, eight or ten dollars. You can cancel at any time. Like I always say, why would you ever do that? But let's go ahead and jump in Now.
Speaker 1:This episode is going to be a little different, different than what I normally do. I'm not going to give you any research. I'm just going to talk to you straight, tell you a bunch of things that you just might need to hear today and, like I always say I say this damn near every episode I think this is a really important topic to discuss, so I'm excited to give it to you, just like all of them. But today let's talk about leaving the past in the past. Let's talk about how to move on and let the things that happened to you in the past go. And the first thing I'm going to say and it's about to be a Captain, obvious moment but you can't do anything about your past and we all know this. But the crazy part is well, not the crazy part, but the interesting and intriguing thing about that is we know this, yet we still don't let things go. Sometimes, for some reason, we just don't let it go and we carry this weight around us with us forever, and I'm damn sure guilty of that right. We say you know what this person, what they did to me, this thing they did to me, was wrong in the past. They treated me like this back then and I'm still mad about it. And we know that it's over. It's happened. No matter how much we try, there is literally nothing you can do. That's going to make it unhappen. So why is it so hard to let it go?
Speaker 1:Well, first let's talk about you and who you are, no matter the situation, no matter what happened to you, no matter what or who did you wrong, you or they you did your best. You did your best with what you could do at the time. You did the best you could do with the tools you had. Everybody around you, everything that happened to you or because of you, everybody did the best they could do with the tools they had. And that might be hard to agree with, but if you really think about this and for real think about it, think about it for a second, everybody, especially you, did the best they could with the tools they had in that moment. If you could have done better, you would have done better in that moment With the tools they had in that moment. If you could have done better, you would have done better in that moment, even if you know or you knew that what you were doing was wrong. Even that person who wronged you they knew what they were doing to you was wrong. In that moment, you were still only working with the tools you had and you only did the best you could do, because that's all you could do. So if that means that your best in that moment was disappointing, then your best at that moment was just disappointing, but that's what you had.
Speaker 1:Same thing for everybody else. Your parents they did the best they could. Your parents might have made your childhood a horrible experience. They didn't do that because they wanted to ruin your childhood. No, they did it because that was the best they could do with what they had. They didn't decide to have a baby and say you know what, let's ruin this child's childhood, let's be horrible parents and set them up for failure. No, so, whatever it is that you're still mad about, whatever somebody did to you in the past, they did the best they could do with the tools and the knowledge and the understanding that they had in that moment, but we still wish that it would have been different. Right, right, of course, of course we do. We can't let it go because we feel like it didn't work out the way it should have. And there's this entrepreneur that I follow who's also a life coach, and he says that we should all over ourselves. We should all over ourselves. It should have been different. It should have happened this way, it should happen that way. I should have said this instead they should, they should have did this for me. And this phrase it says there's a phrase I like. The phrase is what happened happened and it couldn't have happened any other way because it didn't. What happened happened and it couldn't have happened any other way because it didn't Meaning if it was able to have happened any other way, it would have happened any other way. It happened the way it happened because that's what was meant to happen. That's what it was meant to be.
Speaker 1:Now, think about all the bad things that happened to you in your life. Think about all the BS we've been through, the things that happened to us, all the bad things from the past. Some of your hardest and toughest moments, like for me. One of the hardest moments in my life and I talk about this a lot on here is when I was arrested for DWI and I was in jail for a few days from Saturday to Tuesday, had no cellmate in the cell for 23 hours a day, nobody to talk to, just me and my thoughts, and the decision I made to drink and drive. And since I was in jail for over the weekend, I lost my job because I had shifts that I couldn't make and dealing with knowing that I lost my job and I was recently out of a relationship with my ex-girlfriend at the time and sitting in that cell I was actually missing her, missing her even though it was over, over, like it was over for a while, and I was the one that broke up with her and she was moved on new boyfriend and everything. But I was at this low. I was so low that I was missing that significant other support right, and sitting in that cell, like I said, for 23 hours a day, no window, in a five by nine box and it was only three days before I got to see a judge and got released. But that was a really low moment for me. I can't imagine what solitary confinement is like. Those three days really messed with me mentally.
Speaker 1:And the next couple of years I spent recovering from that. Right, I was working temp jobs, labor jobs, showing up at six in the morning hoping to get sent out on a job Right, eating bologna sandwiches for lunch because that's all I could afford. Then getting a job. I hate it. Working for this collection agency, on the phones, having to catch a bus at five thirty in the morning and not getting home after six pm. Third in the morning and not getting home to after 6 pm.
Speaker 1:Those were some hard times, right, even harder times than that for me is my mama passing away when I was 15. I did not enjoy any of this right and I know you have things that you can think of. That were some rough and hard times in your life too, and I can honestly say that me here right now, in this moment in 2025, me here right now, in this moment in 2025. Yes, that was all very hard, but I learned so much from it and if I didn't go through those things I went through, I don't think I would ever have the drive I have now. I wouldn't be as hungry. There ain't no way. There's nothing you will be able to pay me to have the things I went through be any different than the way they happened to me. And look, it's hard when you go through those times, those hard times. It's hard, of course it is, but you know what it truly made you who you are. It made you that beautiful person who you are today.
Speaker 1:Wisdom does not come from reading books and learning and classes. No wisdom comes from life events, those events that shaped and molded you. You will never see somebody who's never been through some crazy life event, somebody who's never went through any kind of hardship, be this super wise person, be full of all this wisdom. That person just don't exist. The people who do the most amazing things in the world have been through some things. They seen some things in life.
Speaker 1:A smooth sea doesn't make a skilled sailor. I forgot where I heard that phrase from, but I like it. A smooth sea doesn't make a skilled sailor. Right, if you want to be able to consider yourself a strong person, then you have to understand that you have to go through challenges. You have to be broken at some point. Don't look at the past and wish it never happened, wish it was different. Appreciate what you learn from it. Appreciate how you see things differently, because life is a marathon, right, and if you were to start this marathon, would you put on a 50-pound bag and try to run with it? No, so why do that in real life? It's time for us to put down that weight, because life it needs you to put carrying it. You're carrying that around with you and this marathon is way more hard because of that. Another phrase I like is those mountains you carry, you were only meant to climb. Those mountains you carry, you were only meant to climb. My question for you is how many mountains did you climb that you still carry around with you today? And my next question is why can't you put it down?
Speaker 1:A lot of times, we take what happened to us in the past and we attach it to our identity. Right? We say I'm the son of an alcoholic father. I'm a woman who's been broken by a man I love, I'm a man whose childhood scarred me or I had this thing happen to me or that thing happened to me. Yes, these things did happen to you, but that doesn't make you who you are. Like your job. If I ask you what your job was and you tell me you are a sales associate, that ain't who you are. That's just something you do on a daily basis, but that doesn't define you. Something you do on a daily basis, but that doesn't define you.
Speaker 1:And we have to look at life in the same way. Why would you allow your joy to be stolen every day by being stuck in the past? That's choosing to allow yourself to be pissed off. That's choosing to allow yourself to feel anger and resentment towards something. That's choosing to put yourself in those negative emotions, to feel that guilt, to let all those things control your life when they've already happened, to feel that guilt, to let all those things control your life when they've already happened and there's nothing you can do to change it. Don't torture yourself and don't keep playing the victim. I'm sorry, things in life happen. Sometimes we play the victim.
Speaker 1:Things happen to people. I'm not saying that your stuff ain't as hard as my stuff and vice versa, but we go through things and we have to learn from it, to get stronger from it, to grow from it and to succeed and be better. Because of it. And in spite of it, you have to get up. You have to learn to let go those things that happened in the past three, five, 10 years ago. It's time you have to take a deep breath and let it go, let go of that mistake, of that event, that experience, and keep going. The fact that it didn't kill you means it wasn't strong enough to it, means it made you stronger, and you know it made you stronger.
Speaker 1:I don't got to tell you that, but the reality of it is and this may be you, maybe somebody you know, but there are some people today that are in a bad mood for something that happened to them three years ago. There are some folks in a bad mood today over something happened to them five years ago, 10 years ago. Come on now. That's like a kid pouting because he didn't get to eat dessert. And they sit there and they soak with their arms folded for 10 minutes Instead of knowing that there's going to be plenty of more desserts in your life. Instead of just getting up and going outside and play, instead of just enjoying this responsibility, free life they have, they let mama daddy telling them that they can't have dessert ruin their whole day. And I'm not trying to make fun of nobody, right. I'm just trying to show you how ridiculous this is. How ridiculous it is for somebody to be in a bad mood for something that happened to them five years ago. How ridiculous it is for somebody to be in a bad mood for something that happened to them five years ago. That's crazy. But check this. You want to know what's even crazier. It's not what happened to them that has them in a bad mood. It's not that. The actual it's not the actual thing that happened to them is how they feel about it. It's not what happened, it's how they feel about it.
Speaker 1:For example, if somebody you love cheated on you. It's how they feel about it. For example, if somebody you love cheated on you. Yes, that hurts, been there, done that, my damn self and you're allowed to feel that pain. But you still shouldn't, but that still shouldn't be affecting you years and years down the road. Why? Because you've literally recovered from it physically, you still have food on your table, your life still went on your job, your career, your family, your friends. You still have a car. Them cheating on you didn't make you lose a toe. You still have all your limbs, you're fine. You get where I'm going with this. The act of them cheating on you literally, literally, is not holding you back. You are free to live life however you want to live your life, but the way them cheating on you made you feel is causing you to be bitter and hurt and upset with them still to this day, even though it was years ago. And don't feel bad.
Speaker 1:I'm definitely guilty of this one too, when I tell you I had resentment towards the girl who cheated on me and broke my heart for years. I even put it in a song I wrote, and it wasn't until somebody asked me who knew who she was. I realized, sorry, it wasn't until somebody who asked me about it about the song. Who knew who she was? Until I realized, like damn, this actually happened over 10 years ago, right At that time. It was 10 years later and here I was still holding on to it, and people carry things around with them for way too long, way too long. I'm definitely guilty of that, so I'm not trying to sit up here and tell you something that I have not been guilty of, but it is time for us to let things go, and I'm going to end this episode by saying this it's time for us to let things go, and I'm going to end this episode by saying this Holding on to that anger and resentment and guilt over things that happened in the past, it's like holding on to a hot potato in your hand, waiting to throw it at the person or the thing that hurt you and never actually being able to throw it.
Speaker 1:It's like holding on to something real, real hot and this hot thing hurts you, and holding on to it it hurts like hell and you wait and you wait to be able to throw it at that person that hurt you and you never actually get the change, get the chance. It doesn't do you any good and it never will. You're just carrying it around for no reason. You have to look down at your hand and say, why the hell am I holding on to this hot ass potato? It's hurting way too much and you have to just drop it. Just drop it. You're free to release it at any time. Don't carry it. Don't carry the potato. I should put that on a T-shirt. Don't carry the potato. It hurts, it literally hurts, and it's not hurting anybody but yourself. So that's what I got for you today. Like I said, pretty straightforward, I just wanted to talk to you straight up.
Speaker 1:But if you did like this episode, please share with somebody, somebody who can benefit from this, somebody who is a friend or a family member, somebody who has goals and is trying to improve their lives. Also, make sure you become a supporter of the show. I left a link in the description of this episode and you can choose the amount. It can either be $3, $5, $8, or $10. It is greatly appreciated.
Speaker 1:But let's go ahead and get to this music. The song I have to Slow down Dutch. It's the very end of the episode. I made it. The song I have for you today is called Lakeside. Let's ride out, see, i'ma grind from sunrise to moonlight to daytime. Stay focused and be patient and understand it. Take time. Couldn't walk a mile in my shoes. They probably couldn't even lace mine. Game face I'm suited up throwing threes up when it's game time. Wide awake, I ain't tired. I won't sleep till I'm gray side. It's cool if they hate mine, long as they keep it on they side. All the fake and all the snake yeah, please keep it on they side. Now they wanna come rock the boat. Can't all be on the same side Spreading lies about who I slept with.
Speaker 1:Ha ha, yeah, they lie. Heard about it through the grapevine. I stayed classy and made wine and if I ever made a mistake I'm a man about it. I claim mine. Skeletons came out the closet and I ain't talking about gay pride. You need style, but don't take mine Like saying black lives matter. They wanna, we'll be right back. I'm it. That's why lately I ain't been talking, tipping my teeth like a big coffee. Never seen nothing fly like me. I'm a UFO. I'm a flying saucer. Never been a follower, not behind you. Don't look back, cause you lost me and we getting saucy. We turning things to a party. This ain't dancing. I'm shaking demons off me.
Speaker 1:My, my favorite team should be in Milwaukee, because we bought bucks and we at the top, and it never was luck. I used to be down at the bottom. I used to be stuck, used to be struggling, used to be bad at making it, used to be riding the bus. I was just trying to go get me a slice. Life just kept on handing me crust. I had to trust, trust the process, trust my ability that when I pivoted, I'm lakeside and I can make her wet. I can feel it. I'm lakeside. They say life is a beach. Tell me about it. I'm lakeside. Don't be fishin' for compliments, settin' thirst traps on my lakeside. And we been through all kinda shit. Now it's time to step on this lakeside. So pass my cup. Lakeside, I'm out you.