Mastering the Mindset
Mastering the Mindset
Set Boundaries and Protect Your Energy: It’s Time to Choose You
Are you constantly giving to everyone else and leaving nothing for yourself? Feeling drained, overwhelmed, or resentful in your relationships? It might be time to set some boundaries. In this I real about what happens when you don’t protect your time, your energy, and your peace — and how to change that starting today.
I give you a simple 3-step system to set boundaries that stick — without guilt, fear, or drama. Whether it’s with your family, friends, coworkers, or even yourself, this episode gives you the tools to communicate clearly, stand firm, and finally put yourself first. If you’ve ever felt like you were losing yourself trying to please everyone else, this episode is your wake-up call. Your peace matters. Your voice matters. And it's time you start acting like it.
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I'm in mistakes. Goals. I bury my clocks because it take time. I gotta go. I already know if I want to grow, you reap what you sow. That be the case. Planting my seeds and water my base. Yeah, I made mistakes. Yeah, I know you grow in your garden, but watch for the snakes, the people that act like you. Crazy but trying this, they fall away. They don't think it's possible. I think it's possible. That is just hate if they hate themselves because they on the shelf.
Speaker 1:Why you create a life that you love, a life that you love, yeah, loving the fact you improving yourself. Decided that you would not settle. Decided that you got the drive to do what the road got, bumping your foot on the pedal. You go up a level. You turn up whenever it's time for you to go put in that work. I know my worth. I know it ain't gonna be easy. Yeah, I know it hurt. One thing is for sure yeah, until they put me in this earth Before I ride in that hearse, I'm chasing my goals. I'm chasing my goals. Yeah, love enough. Back to improving yourself. Decided that you would not settle, decided that you got the drive to do it, to go bumpers. I'm chasing my goals.
Speaker 1:All right, welcome back to another episode. Thank y'all so much for being here. If you are watching me on youtube, you know what to do. Go ahead and like and subscribe to my channel. If you are listening to me on the podcast platform, please leave me a review and also become a monthly supporter of this show. You can choose the amount. It could be three, five, eight or $10. You can choose to cancel at any time. Wow, if you ever do that, let's go and jump in.
Speaker 1:So today let's talk about another important topic. Let's talk about how to set boundaries, because it's important for everybody, including myself. Let's talk about setting boundaries with your relationships and everyone around you. And this is important because a lot of folks struggle with this. They give so much of themselves and they barely have anything left for themselves because they let people overstep their boundaries or they just don't even know what their boundaries are. And if you don't know what your boundaries are, then, yeah, people will overstep them because you don't have them in place and those other people won't know that they even overstepped your boundaries to begin with. And this is important for all of your relationships, right, every single one of them for your romantic relationships, relationships with your parents, if they're still alive, your siblings, your friends, your family, your children. Hell with yourself, and especially for work, whether you're at the office for your job or if you work from home or if you are focused on creating your own source of income, it's important to know where you stand and then clearly communicate this to everyone around you. So I want to give you a process, a step by step process, to adapt. So let's get it. So.
Speaker 1:The thing about boundaries is most people don't have them, they don't talk about them, and this is why they don't know how to set them or to work through them if they do have them. And this can cause a lot of friction and stress and frustration with people in your life when they continue to overstep and the thing is, when they do, when they step over your boundaries, you can feel it, you know it don't feel right. You recognize that something is there that you're not really comfortable with, but you haven't set them, so you might not know how to deal with it, and this can cause resistance towards somebody in your life, right? Do you have that person in your life? A lot of us do, most of us do that person that you feel that friction towards that person who oversteps. But the thing that we first have to understand and work on is the relationship with ourselves. That's the most important relationship. We should start there, because a lot of times people give themselves up for the relationship and you should never give yourself up for a relationship of any kind.
Speaker 1:If you feel like you're giving yourself up for a relationship, then you aren't showing up for that relationship in the way you're supposed to be and that's not serving you. That's not serving the folks in that relationship with you, because you'll start to resent, to have resentment towards them right, and so many folks have resentment towards their siblings, especially parents, and resentment is formed because boundaries are being overstepped for years and years and years and now that relationship is tainted. Don't ever put anybody else above you, because if you work on becoming better, then that's all the better you will show up in those relationships, and the better you show up in those relationships, the better they will become. If you think and feel that you have to give and give and give and give and give in a relationship to make it better, then you won't have anything left for yourself. And if you don't have any energy and time to work on yourself, then you actually are losing some of the good that could potentially come in that relationship, because you're losing some of yourself.
Speaker 1:People lose themselves in so many of their relationships and that's the last thing I want for you, and some of you may have lost yourself in your relationship. It happens Sometimes we have to lose ourselves to be able to find ourselves and that sounds cliche, but it's true. Sometimes we have to find out. Find out who we are and who we are, who we want to become, when we completely lose ourselves. Sometimes it's necessary and a good thing. It helps us to figure out just what those boundaries are and to know how it feels when they get stepped on, to know how it feels to be in a place that you know you never want to go back to.
Speaker 1:And a very important thing we should do is you have to be full of yourself. You absolutely have to be full of yourself, and some people might not understand that if you don't get where I'm coming from, I'm not saying be narcissistic, but you have to be full of yourself. The more full of yourself you are, it means the more confidence you have in yourself and the more you'll be able to impact others around you and be able to give to the world. And, honestly, who the hell should you be full of? Too many people are taught that you're supposed to give and give and give and give and give, and you might not. You might know folks like that, right? Maybe that's how you are. My mama was like that. Rest her soul, a beautiful soul, and she was a person that would give and give and give and give. People would say that she would give you the shirt off her back if you needed it, and I honestly feel like she would have. But people like this, they give so much.
Speaker 1:But if you feel like your boundaries are being overstepped, you have to look at it from a different perspective. It's time to get full of yourself, because it's more important to pour from a full cup than to pour from a half full cup or, worse, an empty cup. So look, canceling your plans with friends to stay home and doing what you need to do for your own mental well-being that's OK. Staying home to cook instead of going out to drink with your friends, that's okay. Turning down job opportunities, even though it'll be more money, but it'll be more important to have more time with yourself and your kids, that's okay, and y'all gonna be shocked by this one. But skipping the gym, that's okay. It's okay to skip the gym If you're in a place where you absolutely need a break in your life. These things are okay. Now I'm not saying that it's okay to be that friend who always cancels on folks or that you should get used to skipping the gym all the time. But if you feel like you absolutely need to skip things or cancel things, turn things down, it's okay.
Speaker 1:Sometimes you just need to do it, and I've really been working on this. I truly have. I am. I'm tired of looking up and it's like Wednesday and the week feel long as hell already and I'm just exhausted and mad at myself for being right back in the same damn place again. And a friend of mine just asked me to be a part of a project and technically I am available. But I looked at my calendar and that week right after that is going to be a very long week for me and even though I would love to be a part of the project and help them out, I had to tell them hey, man, I'm sorry, but for my own mental wellbeing I have to decline. And I really said that to him. Right, you have to find those boundaries when it comes to how much you put on your plate. I'm not saying that you should run away from hard work and things you need to get done, but you need to find that balance and not run yourself into the ground, and that's really important.
Speaker 1:So let's talk about this process. I'm gonna give you, give you, three steps to setting boundaries. So number one you have to decide what you want. A lot of us haven't thought about this, about what it is we actually want. If you were to build the perfect relationship with that person, whoever it may be, what would it look like? How do you want to feel in that relationship? How do you want them to feel with you? How do you want to show up? How do you want them to show up? How do you want to communicate? Get very, very clear on what it is you want. Otherwise, how would you get it? What would that perfect relationship look like? Get clear on it, because that's going to help you when you get to step two.
Speaker 1:Step two is you have to communicate with them. You have to talk with them. Right, science, right, they won't know what your boundaries are unless you communicate with them. Rocket science, right. They won't know what your boundaries are unless you communicated with them. Because here's the thing you have to teach people how to treat you. Let me say it again you have to teach people how to treat you. Let me say it again for the folks in the back you have to teach people how to treat you. And step one really helps. Step two because if you have it all thought out and you think about it beforehand, then when you get in the conversation, you won't forget something, because that's real Right. You come into the conversation, you start saying your piece, then the conversation shifts and then it ends and you're like wait, wait a minute, I forgot to say this, or I forgot to say that, or I wish I would have thought to say that, right, but yeah, back to step two.
Speaker 1:Some people have been treating you a certain way because you haven't taught them how to. You have to communicate it to them and it might be hard, but it's necessary. You have to do it, even if even if you take all the blame for it, right, you can take the blame for it as a tactic, right, like this, you say you know what. This is my fault. I should have been clear about this, or I should have said something earlier about that. That's on me, whatever you need to say. If you got to say, mama, I'm sorry, but I'm working from eight to five today and I'm exhausted At the end of my day, I can't go pick up your laundry today, or hey, I've been trying to work on my mental wellbeing and not having negativity in my life, so I'm sorry, but can we change the subject to something positive? Clearly communicate to them what it is you want and why you want it.
Speaker 1:And having these conversations can be hard or uncomfortable, so here's a strategy you can use. So the first thing you can do, first thing you have to do, is you have to disarm them. So instead of going and saying, hey, we need to talk, I don't like how you X, y, z. That's going to make them get defensive, make them push back about what you're saying. So instead just go hey, can I talk to you for a second, or do you have a second to talk? And be upfront. Just be upfront about it. Tell that person that you have something to say and that you want to be honest with them, and without them judging you or getting upset, and that alone would slow down, that alone would disarm them. Right now they have agreed to let you say what's on your mind and since they've given you permission and you've told them that you're going to be honest, in hopes that they won't get upset, you've already set the ground rules and now the conversation is ready and you can communicate.
Speaker 1:That's number two. Number three make sure you stay firm when you communicate with them. They're probably going to overstep again Hell, they might overstep as you telling them about your boundaries. But you have to stay firm. Like, hey, remember the conversation we had about me working on negativity in my life? Or remember that time when I said my days are long and I need time after work to have for myself, for my mental health? Or hey, remember when we talked about how you say things to me that are condescending? Or hey, remember that time I told you that just because I work from home, it doesn't mean that I'm just hanging out from home and I can't answer your phone calls all day. You have to stay firm, otherwise they will take advantage of you, whether it's on purpose or not, because at the end of the day it takes awareness. More than likely, they're not even aware of it when they do it and the sooner they start to realize that. Oh, ok, yeah, this is what they were talking about. Let me call them later. Or, yeah, he did say he needs a break after work. Let me ask if he can do that on the weekend. It's tough love, but you can't be soft with your boundaries. You have to be firm. So those are the three steps Again, not rocket science.
Speaker 1:This is a very quick episode, I'm realizing. But one you have to be really clear on what exactly it is you want out of that relationship. Two, you have to communicate with that person what it is you want and need from them to do or stop doing. And three, you have to be firm on it. More than likely, they're going to do it again. And these steps are really important because you yes, you have to be the person who steps up, because I guarantee you, the person that's overstepping your boundaries, what they not going to do is come up to you and say hey, I'm overstepping. How can I not do that to you? That ain't going to happen, right? So let's make sure that we step up, step up so we can experience our relationships in a healthy way and show up for ourselves in the best way we need to, so we can fully show up for others in our lives. So that's what I got for you today. So we can fully show up for others in our lives. So that's what I got for you today.
Speaker 1:If you like this episode, please share it on social media. Share it with someone who you think will enjoy this episode Also. Become a supporter of the show. You can choose the amount. It can be $3, $5, $8, or $10. You can cancel at any time. Why would you ever do that?
Speaker 2:Let's get to this music. The song I got for y'all today is lean on me, let's ride, we'll be right back. I'm the boy you can lean on.
Speaker 1:I know you gon' be straight, hold your head and be strong and lean on me.
Speaker 1:Gonna lean on you. Welcome to Eastside High. You can lean on me. Live life on a high. Still keep it low key. So dope, I could be your OZ. You better thank GOD for your moolah.
Speaker 1:If you heard my name, it's a rumor. I'm on they brain like a tumor. I make them hoes sweat like Zumbas. I mean them bitches. I mean them women. I mean I'm tripping, I mean I'm sipping. I already had two cups.
Speaker 1:Whatever path I choose to run, whether running them streets or running them business meetings Better lay your shoes up and better button that suit up. If you was the epiphone I'd catch a bad break. We'll be right back. You can lean on me like a kickstand and when it goes down like quicksand, you can lean on me. Put everything on me. Sometimes you gotta hate it. I'm the one you can't leave. I know you gon' be straight, hold your head and be strong and lean on me. Can I lean on you?
Speaker 1:I heard my cousin say what's up? He came through with the blood. We talked about dreams. He said why not you? He said do it for the fam, do it for your blood, like I'm Pairoo and this chicky head Try to pull me down, but I'm too fly boo this. What the fuck I do? Still got a bird's eye view. But who can you trust when people try to Throw you under the bus? I just want a window seat, me, and a rec. I do.
Speaker 1:I know they want me to strike out. I'm still calling my shots out and then I swing like Ruth babe, and it's ball three. Strike two, babe, and I'm getting big. Yeah, used to be so little, but now I'm in beast mode. I need some skills and I've been knocked down. They was looking at me like he ain't gonna get up and she like rolling on E-mails. She ain't gonna fill up. Yeah, they better pay me. I need more scrilla, couldn't be? We'll be right back, I promise. Ding dong ditching. We can't breathe, but they ain't gonna listen.
Speaker 1:You can take a double styrofoam cup and put it all over my shirt, so, in other words, you can lean on me, put everything on me. Sometimes you gotta lean in. I'm the one you can lean on. I know you gon' be straight. Hold your head in, be strong and lean on me. Can I lean on you? Yeah, sometimes you gotta lean in and lean on me. Can I lean on you? Yeah, sometimes you gotta lean in. I'm the one you can lean on. I know you gon' be straight, hold your head and be strong and lean on me. Can I lean on you? Oh, oh, oh, oh, lean on me no-transcript.
Speaker 1:You know, they say words can kill.
Speaker 1:They say they crack on the corner. I grew up like this. And if a picture is worth a thousand of them, they say they crack on the corner. God bless the artist. I grew up like this. Picture me perfect. Fuck, if they talking, I'm already perfect. I do it on purpose. Yeah, crack on the corner. God bless the artist. I grew up like this. Picture me perfect. Fuck what they talking, I'm already perfect. I do it on purpose. Yeah, call it what you want. I don't got service. She call it too much. Just see me in person, girl. Bye, I like my phone dry. I never been thirsty. Ain't seen me in a while. I'm probably working Going hard for my last name, trying to make it a brand name. It's Dodge and I'm lit all summer long. I don't. We'll be right back.
Speaker 1:No niggas standing on a corner, cocaine, marijuana and life is all about choices. You only get what you're born with and your two shoulders With the weight of a boulder, the crime rate boiling over. My classmates look like soldiers because they got them army guns. Your life looking way different, like you was born with glaucoma Because you don't see that shit. Nah, if the system fell on a convicted felon or the police kill him what you tell him when he a kid who influenced by crack. You can ask my big brother how about that? My big brother, how about that? And these was my role models. And them niggas had that crack Wanna smoke weed, just like them, 13 years old, like, yeah, nigga, pass that sack, break it down, roll it up, smoke it up. First time smoking. I choke it up.
Speaker 1:My father was there when growing up, but my happy home was broken up. Mama said, fuck it, we moving out. Yeah, she'd rather be broke as fuck. Try to be the man. I old enough I give my pop some props. No, he didn't do everything right. Still, he was always in my life. We ain't never have to worry about no lights when your best friends wanna ball out like globetrotters, they looking up to they role models who selling crack, with no problem. That's why, whenever your mama said, when that street light come on your ass, better be home Cause they selling crack on the corner, I grew up like this they selling crack on the corner.
Speaker 1:I grew up like this yeah, they selling crack, they selling crack, he selling crack and she using it. His family ain't cool with it. Her family got used to it. He got a bird and he flew with it. He know just what to she using it. His family ain't cool with it. Her family got used to it. He got a bird and he flew with it. He know just what to do with it. Take it straight to the kitchen On the stove making stew with it. Ain't no money in the classroom, so he dropped out of school with it. The bad schools get the worst teachers and they don't know what to do with it. He gets labeled by society. Yeah, they call him a, cause they think we all animals and the cops are the zookeepers.
Speaker 1:I wish I could fly, cause I would say bye, I'm going to Jupiter. I'm way too close. I'da got numb, i'da got used to it. We murder the most. All this death, all these funerals, cause they got beef and keeping it hot like aluminum.
Speaker 1:Trying to get closer to Jesus, I want to pray in Jerusalem. I see the devil influence us. I think the devil recruiting us. I'm trying to get closer to Jesus. I want to pray in Jerusalem. I see the devil influences. I think the devil recruiting us. I'm trying to get close. I'm trying to get close. I pour some liquor for all my dead ones. Let's make a toast, I don't want ice. I don't want coke. I'm trying to get through. I'm here today, but tomorrow I could be a ghost. So let's do the most.
Speaker 1:My favorite rapper talk about dope. He got them O's. Sometimes I wonder if he know, or if he don't, that the youth is who he influence the most. Look how they boast Instagram and Facebook posts. They think it's a joke.
Speaker 1:I think about when I was a teen, 13 years old. He lived across the street. That was my dog. That was my woe. His big brother was like my brother he selling dope. His brother was a hood nigga, had a mouth full of gold. His brother got in a fight, showed the hood he ain't no hope. He won that fight. You fucking right, you better let him know. But they had a revolver and not a revolving door and he let that revolver blow was hard to see him go. He won that fight but lost his life. We got the call later that night and my heart hit the floor.
Speaker 1:I was scared to go to the funeral. Mama made me go. Was scared to go to the funeral. Mama made me go. Was scared to see him cry. He couldn't keep it dry. I just wanted us to fly so we could be closer to Jesus. I want to pray in Jerusalem. I see the devil influence us. I think the devil recruiting us. I'm trying to get closer to Jesus. I want to pray in Jerusalem. I see the devil influence us. I think the devil recruiting us Because they selling crack on the corner. I think the devil recruiting us cause they selling crack on the corner. I grew up like this they selling crack on the corner. I grew up like this yeah, they selling crack. They selling crack you.