Mastering the Mindset
Mastering the Mindset
How To Tell if They're a Narcissist
Have you ever caught yourself wondering… “Was that person just being selfish, or are they actually a narcissist?” In this episode, we dive deep into what narcissism really is — not just the social media version, but the clinically defined disorder. You’ll learn the red flags of true narcissism, how gaslighting works, what love bombing looks like, and how to protect your mental health if you’re dealing with one. This isn’t just an eye-opener — it’s a mental reset. If you’ve ever questioned your memory, felt drained around someone, or found yourself shrinking to keep the peace… this episode is for you.
Listen now and learn how to spot the signs, protect your peace, and take your power back.
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Losing myself and finding my strength, came to the conclusion that I want it all, feeling that pressure of trying to do better. I wanna reach heights, but too scared to fall, too scared to fail. You're way more scared of feeling regret. I'm not even trying. That's terrifying. I understand that. Chasing my goals are burying my clocks because it take time. I gotta go. I already know if I wanna grow, you breathe what you sow. That be the case, planting my seeds and water my base. Yeah, I made mistakes. Yeah, I know you grow in your garden, but watch for the snakes. The people that act like you crazy, but trying this, they fall away. They don't think it's possible. I think it's possible. That is just hate if they hate themselves because they on the shelf.
Speaker 1:Why you create a life that you love, a life that you love, yeah, loving the fact you're improving yourself. Decided that you would not settle. Decided that you got the drive to do what the road got. Bumping your foot on the pedal, you go up a level. You turn up whenever it's time for you to go. Put in that work. I know my worth. I know it ain't gonna be easy. Yeah, I know it hurt. My thing is for sure. Yeah, until they put me in this earth, before I ride in that hearse. I'm chasing my goals. I'm chasing my goals. Yeah, love and effect to improving yourself. Decided that you would not settle. Decided that you got the drive to do it, to go, got bumpers. I'm chasing my goals.
Speaker 1:All right, and welcome back to another episode. Thank y'all so much for being here. If you are watching me on youtube, you know what to do. Go ahead and like and subscribe to the channel. Like right now. Go ahead, do it right now. If you are listening to me on the podcast platform, go go ahead and leave me a review. Those things help me out a whole lot. Also, if you could become a monthly supporter of the show, that would help me out a lot. You can choose the amount. It can be three, five, eight or $10 monthly. You can cancel at any time, but why would you ever do that? But let's go ahead and jump in.
Speaker 1:Today I'm going to do something a little different. I want to really just give you all some game and I'm going to break this thing down and talk about narcissists. Yep, that's what we're doing today, and the reason why I wanted to do this kind of episode is because you hear that word a lot, right, if you go on social media, people throw that word around over this person is a narcissist, that person is a narcissist. My ex was a narcissist, and not just on social media, but folks around you too. Maybe you use it, I know I do. I caught myself calling somebody a narcissist the other day like damn, that was some narcissistic behavior, and I said it. And in reality, I really don't know for a fact what that truly means, because we all know that narcissists right, they are problematic. And just to be throwing the word around, for one, you could be wrong and mislabeling somebody with this serious ass word. And two, if we don't truly know what the signs are, then we might miss them when somebody around us truly is a narcissist, and when you don't see it, when you don't see it coming, then harm can happen, right, and I don't want that. So let's get into the facts. Let's talk about what a narcissist is, how to identify one, how to deal with one and how to protect yourself and your mental health against whoever that person is. Who is one, whatever you see on Instagram or the way folks just throw that word around freely, right, they probably got it wrong. Just because somebody is cocky don't make them a narcissist. Just because somebody is selfish or they make things and situations all about them. That don't make them a narcissist.
Speaker 1:Being an actual narcissist, having narcissistic personality disorder, is a clinical diagnosis. So when you're thinking about, let's say, your mama and you think, man, she a narcissist, ok, let's talk about it. So a narcissist what it truly is. They have an inflated sense of self, but a very fragile sense of self, meaning. Basically, they have this big ego that's made out of glass. Let me read some more. So they have a deep, deep, deep need for admiration and attention from other people. They have a major lack of empathy for other people. They also are very manipulative and they exploit people in their relationships. They also fantasize about having power over people. They fantasize about having some massive amounts of success and they are hyper reactive to criticism, which is ironic, right. They have that extremely fragile sense of self, even though it's an inflated sense of self, and studies show that people diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder have a significantly reduced amount of brain matter in their brains, but not just any part of their brain, the parts of their brain tied to emotional empathy.
Speaker 1:So for a true narcissist. They don't just lack empathy, they lack the brain matter to have the normal amount of empathy for somebody. For them, they can't understand feelings. Intellectually it makes sense for them, but they can't really feel those deep emotional feelings in those moments. And that they choose to not have empathy? They literally cannot. It's part of the way their brains are made up. So again, remember this when we start to throw that word narcissist around, is that person just choosing not to have feelings or not have empathy, right? In other words, are they just being an asshole or are they truly a narcissist and they lack the brain matter, even they lack the brain matter given to them, right? The choice of even having that sympathy. Another thing about narcissists they have this deep well of shame, shame and insecurity, and what that means is this person doesn't truly believe that they're so much better than you. What it truly is is that they're terrified that you're going to find out that they're not better than you, that they're not better than other people. That's what the truth is.
Speaker 1:And look on a surface level, that's a common thing just among humans, right? We all have an image we want to keep. We all want other folks to perceive us in a positive way. We all, to a certain degree, care how people think of us. We all want to be seen, we want to be validated, right? And if you're being honest, sometimes we don't prioritize ourselves a little bit more than we should have at times, but that don't mean that we're narcissists. That just means we're being human. We ain't perfect.
Speaker 1:The difference is the narcissists they're always that way. A normal person would have the self-awareness to say, ok, you know what, that wasn't cool. You know what? I don't want to do. That again, I don't. I don't like that about me, that wasn't cool. What they say the narcissist is. I wouldn't have said that to you if you didn't make me upset. Right, they are the best gas lighters. They are the LeBron James of gaslighting people and studies show that this is a form of abuse, psychological abuse and studies show that if you're in some form of a close relationship with a narcissist whether it's family or romantically and they gaslight you often it can lead to anxiety, it can lead to depression and trauma.
Speaker 1:It can make you feel a lesser sense of self. It can make you question the way you perceive your reality. It causes you to really question yourself and if you truly are the one that wasn't in the wrong. It makes you even remember things wrong. You start believing things that didn't ever happen and over time, that is really bad for your mental health, right? So if you do, if you, if you do have a true narcissist in your life, you absolutely have to figure out how to protect your mental health, and we will talk about all that in just a little bit. So OK, how do you tell if somebody is an actual narcissist? And not get them confused with a normal person who just may be selfish or didn't choose empathy in that moment.
Speaker 1:So signs they are narcissists If you constantly question in your memory or your version of the way events happen which is classic gaslighting and this person is telling you that no, that is how it happened, it wasn't like that, it was like this. No, not like you think it was Right. And they make you say, huh, wait, I, I, I guess I was wrong. I thought I was wrong, I thought it went this way, but I guess it didn't. And they are just so firm on the way it went, their version of it. That's a classic sign that you're dealing with a narcissist. Other signs If you feel emotionally drained all the time after being around them, constantly questioning yourself if you feel like you need to walk around on eggshells all the time because you don't want them to blow up. These are signs, right?
Speaker 1:They also do what's called love bombing. Love bombing and that's exactly what it sounds like A love bomb. It's this explosion of love. And they all of a sudden do these big, large gestures of love. They give you all the compliments that make you feel so loved, they make you feel so good on the inside by all this love they give you. And then they can turn on a dime and punish you with silence and withdraw from you. And there's just this seesaw of this great feeling, the love, the big love, justice. Maybe it's flowers, maybe they do it with words, maybe they buy you nice things and they treat you like a king or queen, and then the next day you feel like oh no, I don't want to upset them. Are they mad at me that I do something wrong? That's a classic sign, Another way to tell, and it's really common.
Speaker 1:But if you decide to set a boundary with them, it turns into a battle with them when your boundaries turn into battles battles about the way you want them to treat you what you're comfortable with, and it can be damn near exhausting just trying to make them see your point of view and you feel it. You know it ain't right. You know that this reaction to you just wanting to set a boundary shouldn't feel like this, and the biggest way to know if a person is truly a narcissist is if they have never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, truly genuinely apologize to you. It's always hey, I'm sorry, I made you feel that way versus a true, genuine apology where you can tell, you can feel it, that they see how they were wrong and they feel the sadness, some kind of emotion of how they made you feel. They won't ever give you a real apology or take full responsibility in that way, and this is one of the biggest ways to tell. So, general rule of thumb if you feel less like yourself, if you shrink, if you doubt, if you shrink and make yourself small around them, this is your nervous system telling you that something is wrong, something ain't right. So what do you do?
Speaker 1:If you find yourself in a relationship, or a good friend, a close family member, is a narcissist, because this is hard dealing with how they make you feel as well as how you want the relationship to be, because these people are close to you, you love them. I can't imagine what it would be like to be married to a narcissist and y'all have kids together, or if your brother is one, or your mama. So first, the first thing you need to do is to realize that the version of them before, that person that didn't used to make you feel like this, that person that made you feel loved and your relationship was good with them and maybe they even love bombed you and they showed you a side that you hadn't seen often. You know it's there, you've seen it. You need to accept that they just are not that person anymore. They are not them anymore and if you see that side of them, it's performative, it's manipulation. I'm sorry to tell you. Sorry to tell you that, but it's truth. Believe what they are showing you now the side you see the most and accept that they just. They just ain't the person that they used to be, no more. Accept it and once you accept that fact, the next thing you need to do is to stop justifying their behavior. You accept that fact.
Speaker 1:The next thing you need to do is to stop justifying their behavior. Don't put it on their childhood, on their parents, on where they grew up, or tell yourself they didn't mean it that way, that work is really stressful for them or they had a long week. No, stop doing that. Why, right? Why somebody did what they did to you and behaved the way they did it? Don't excuse the way they treated you. We all have been through stuff. They ain't. They ain't really an excuse to excuse that behavior, especially if it's happening a lot.
Speaker 1:The next thing you need to do is to start noticing patterns and start taking notes. Notice the arguments, pay attention to how they start, pay attention to how you felt and keep literal notes, even if it's in your phone. Keep record. If you think something is going to turn into an argument later, take note of that and the things you think they may try and convince you that happened. That didn't really happen the way you remembered it because you keep those notes Right. So down the road, when it comes up again, you have record of it.
Speaker 1:The next thing you do is to be absolutely firm on your boundaries. Do not compromise. Do not back down. You know how to make you feel. You know it's not compromise. Do not back down. You know how they make you feel you know it's not right. Don't let them talk you into believing you being unreasonable. They hate boundaries. They will test them every time.
Speaker 1:Get very clear on what those boundaries are. For example, a good boundary to have is to say you know what, I won't have a conversation with you while you insult me, I won't do it. And you set that boundary and you walk the hell away. Another boundary could be you know what, when you make me feel this way, I need physical space from you until I'm ready, because it's harmful for me right now, and create that physical space from that person. And let me say again narcissists hate boundaries, so expect backlash, Expect a lot of backlash. They will push back and it might be in a big way, a dramatic way. The stronger your boundary is, the stronger the pushback is going to be, and it's not a sign that you wrong. It's a sign that they truly are a narcissist and that is working.
Speaker 1:And if you want to learn about um, you want to learn more about setting boundaries. I just did an episode on the last week, maybe the week before that. So after this episode, I highly recommend you check it out. If you need to set a boundary with somebody. Check that out. All right, let's keep it moving. And the next thing you do, which is really big, and that's to go get professional support, especially for trauma bonds when it's really really bad. Trauma bonds when it's really really bad. Now let me be clear this is not something you should be trying to heal all alone. Please, please, please, seek professional support and help.
Speaker 1:More than likely a narcissist right? Narcissists, they are good at this, but when it's bad, they have created this cycle in your brain, a cycle of abuse and reward, and you actually are addicted to both. You get stuck in patterns and that you can't always see, and you need somebody outside of the relationship who can see those patterns, who can point it out and show you the things you never even realize. This is very important. So hopefully this is helpful and you can truly understand if somebody is just being a jerk or if they truly are a narcissist, because we see folks pretending like they have a degree in psychology, right, and they diagnose a person to be a narcissist. Maybe you've been called one, maybe you defect psychologist. Either way, you have some more knowledge on it now and if you are dealing with a narcissist, you have some steps that you can take to protect your mental health, to be able to deal with them. But again, if it's really bad, you really should seek professional help, and ain't nothing wrong with that at all. So that's what I got for you today.
Speaker 1:If you like this episode, please share it. Share it with somebody who you think needs to hear it. Share it on social media Also. Please go ahead and like and subscribe to my channel, but sharing this really helps me. I think it's a really important one for folks to see, because this stuff is real. All right, let's go ahead and get to this music.
Speaker 1:The song I got for y'all today is Soul Food. Let's ride out. Yeah, you see, people will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. People will never forget how you made them feel. Rest in peace, maya Angelou. She always kept it real. See, I wanna make you feel it deep down in your soul like a home cooked meal. I'm talking soul food. I'm talking hot quadrille, like whole foods. I'm talking you don't need no mood ring for you to see. I changed my whole mood because I had to. It's some things God let me go through because I had to, reflecting on my life. See, I got this soul food. I wanted fast food. I should have put a seat belt around my arm, as in cashews, the way it drove me nuts. Right now it's a feast, too afraid of the famine. We'll see you next time. Outro, music, beef or gravy, don't forget, it's take three.
Speaker 1:I stir the pot like jambalaya and that's word to my auntie because I've been feeling hungry. Now I'm feeling hangry. I'm feeling like I'm the tightest. Some of y'all got the itis, like you, eating barbecue, chicken, macaroni with a side of baked beans. Yeah, they sleeping on me, chip on my shoulder, eating good, so I keep it on me.
Speaker 1:I made my own lane, did my own thing by myself, and ain't even lonely like what up. I had to pull some bread out, to buy some greens on fresh out, because I need a blunt as long as a dreadlock. I feel like I'm a psychic. I know I'm making your head now. I know I really need to stay focused. Just let go and let god.
Speaker 1:Christmas came, I pull out the bourbon. This ain't for no egg now. I ain't for no soul food. Yeah, and I hate being broke with a passion had to hustle. I made it happen. Every time I start making cabbage or collard greens or mustard greens, I turn up. Yeah, I used to trust everybody had to break the habit.
Speaker 1:Nowadays, if I don't know you, I don't trust you. Like potato salad Nowadays, it don't take much to be small things that make me happy. I just want some fried chicken wings and red beans made by my granny. Rest in peace to my granny. Rest Rest in peace to my granny. Rest in peace to everybody I ever lost in my family. Rest in peace to my mama.
Speaker 1:Some things in life just gotta happen. I probably need therapy. At least I'm aware of it. That's why I sound like a vet when I'm rapping. I probably should talk about shit when it happen, for whatever reason. It don't feel manly. I need some soul food.
Speaker 1:I'm in the kitchen. I wanna cook for ya. I'll even do the dishes. Stay a while. You see me with a smile. Don't mean I'm weak, so don't try. Ain't nothing sweet but potato pie. Speaking of pie, I need me a slice. I'm talking financial stability. I'm done with humble pie. I'm just a humble guy. I gotta switch up my energy. I gotta get my head together, cause I don't know what they got into me. I can't let quarantine get to me, starting to get to me mentally. It go to my head. Somebody make me a plate. I'm going to bed, but I'm still thankful. You better thank the Lord for your daily bread, cause you got a soul and you got to feed the soul. It got to stay fed and wash it down with some Kool-Aid. Guess what flavor? You know it's red. Who got the dominoes? Who got the spades? Uno, you know I played. You don't know how. You better not sit down. No-transcript.