Mastering the Mindset
Mastering the Mindset
Are You Self-Aware or Just Self-Conscious? Here’s the Difference
What if the secret to success and happiness isn’t about working harder—but about finally understanding yourself? It's time to dive into the real difference between self-awareness and self-consciousness, and why one can change your life while the other keeps you stuck in guilt, shame, and anxiety.
It's important to recognize the hidden patterns running your life. 95% of your thoughts are on repeat every single day. Your growth isn't out of reach. Chances are your negative thoughts are holding you back. 80% to be exact. This episode will show you how to shift your perspective and start creating the future version of yourself you actually want to live in.
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Losing myself and finding my strength came to the conclusion that I want it all. Feeling that pressure of tryna do better. I wanna reach heights, but too scared to fall. Too scared of failure, way more scared of feeling regret. I'm not even trying, that's terrifying. I understand that chasing my goals, I bury my clocks because it takes time. I gotta go. I already know if I wanna grow, you reap what you sow. That be the case. Planting my seeds and water my base. Yeah, I make mistakes. Yeah, I know you grow in your garden, but watch for the snakes. The people that act like you're crazy, but trying this, they far away. They don't think it's possible. I think it's possible. That is just hate. If they hate themselves, cause they on the shelf. While you create a life that you love. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A life that you love. Loving the fact to improving yourself. Decided that you would not settle. Decided that you got the drive to do it. The road got bumped in your foot on the pedal. You go up a level, you turn up whenever. It's time for you to go put in that work. I know my worth, huh? I know it ain't gonna be easy, yeah. I know it hurt, but thing is for sure. Yeah. Until it put me in this earth. Before I ride in that hearse, I'm chasing my goals. I'm chasing my goals. Loving the fact to improving yourself. The side that you would not settle. The side that you got the drive to do it to go. Got more put on the cutter. I'm chasing my goals. Alright, and welcome back to another episode. Like I always say, thank y'all for being here. If you are on YouTube, go ahead and like and subscribe to my channel. If you are listening on the podcast platform, please leave me a review. Also become a monthly supporter of the show. These things really help me keep this thing going for y'all, and they are greatly appreciated. Well, let's go ahead and dive in. Uh, today we're going to talk about self-awareness, and we're going to talk about why it's extremely important. I feel like I talk about that a lot on here. Uh, most of the episodes on here are about this in some kind of way or another. But it's important for growth, for goals, for finding happiness and success. You need to become aware of the things you do and think that are holding you back, of the things that you do that affect other people. I think if we could all be masters of self-awareness, we would have all the success we could ever desire. I really do. If we could be, if we could all be aware of how we do that thing, whatever that thing is, those things, when we do that thing, how it impacts us and how it impacts other people, we would have the secret, the magic potion to success and happiness. And that phrase ignorance is bliss, it's one of the realest phrases to exist. It's way easier to just be ignorant and not know. It's way easier to just go blindly through life, not knowing the bad, not knowing the good you're missing out on, you're missing out on, to just go through life doing whatever it is you're doing. Now, granted, you probably won't live a more fulfilled or fulfilling life, but you live a life without being aware of yourself and all the things you need to work on, all the things you need to improve about yourself. And a lot of times we start to become self-aware of the things we need to work on, we start to get self-conscious about those things. And we go dive in, we're gonna dive in about these two things, self-aware versus self-conscious, and we're gonna talk about the difference between the two and how to work on yourself, how to go through this journey of self-development and work on yourself without being ashamed of all the things that are quote unquote wrong with you. Which I don't like that word when it comes to this work, because wrong implies that you can be perfect. When in reality, we just human. And everybody has these things. Everybody has areas they need to improve on. And most of them never will. Most of them won't ever try to work on themselves. So the fact that you're listening to me right now already puts you in a lane that sets you apart from other people. So let's start out with the difference between the two. Self-aware. Self-aware, this is the ability to recognize your emotions, the things that motivate you, your thoughts, your feelings, your behaviors, recognizing and understanding them. And an analogy I heard about this is about uh driving your car. And there was a time when you had your license, and whatever car you had or was driving, you just drove it. You didn't think about what made it go, what made the engine crank up. You just was in your own world driving around. Then at some point in life, maybe once you had car problems or when you bought your own car, you had to learn about what was under that hood. You had to learn why the car was driving the way it was. You had to figure things out. And over time, you learn more and more. Now you know, yeah, I need to get an oil change every 2,000 miles or my engine won't run as good. Oh yeah, my engine is running, my engine is running rough right now because I need spark plugs. Oh yeah, brake pads and rotors are expensive as hell, but they're important and I need to get them replaced. You're aware of things under your hood that make your car drive the way it does now. When you first got your license, you wouldn't think about none of that. Being self-aware is developing understanding of yourself, of our personality, of your strengths, weaknesses, your mind, every aspect of you, your motivations, the traumas you had in the past and how they affect you today, how your relationships with family members are shaped and how they came to be the way they are today. You become aware of why you act the way you do. You also become aware of how you think people perceive you, and that affects the way you act. Self-awareness is really about learning who you are, who you are and why and why the way you of slow down. Learning who you are and why you are the way you are. And it's important to become self-aware because you benefit from it. You learn how to make better decisions, you learn emotional regulation and how to control your emotions. It helps you have better relationships because if you understand the way you are, then you can understand how you affect other people around you. It helps you decide what you need to work on, what you need to strengthen, right? So that's self-awareness. Self-consciousness is you being obsessive with your awareness of yourself. It's this hyper-awareness of yourself and especially in relationships with other people or how other people view you, being overly occupied with how we think people see us and view us. And this can be beneficial, which we're gonna talk about in a second, but for the most part, what we all have struggled with is the negative part, right? How being too self-conscious can make you feel uncomfortable, uneasy in situations. You judge yourself, you guilt yourself, you shame yourself. And the common thing that happens is when we get self-aware, we realize the things that we have to work on, and we do. Then later down the road, that thing we worked on, or that thing we thought we worked on pops up again. And we realize that we messed up again. We can feel some shame in that or feel like something is quote unquote wrong with us. And we say, damn, I thought I was past this thing. I worked on it, I try to be better at it, and I'm not. What the hell is wrong with me? And we shouldn't ever be here. Yep, we do. And when it comes to being self-conscious about what people think about us, it can be just as bad. It can make us feel awkward, uneasy, uncomfortable, like we don't fit in, like we can't be ourselves. And like I said, being self-conscious about yourself can be a good thing, like making sure that you act appropriate in certain situations, like making sure you don't have too many drinks at the work event and end up embarrassing yourself, right? With an all-seen that person. But to be excessive with being self-conscious is really negative for you. And a lot of folks, for a lot of people, it can lead to social anxiety and keep you from just being your true self around people. So that's the difference between self-awareness and self-conscious. So let's go ahead and dive into self-awareness because when it comes down to it, self-awareness is like being able to look into this mirror. The more you become self-aware, the more you'll be able to understand yourself better, the more you'll be able to look into that mirror and understand why you are the way you are. You'll be able to see your strengths, your fears, your weaknesses, your emotions, which are important. Emotions are important to understand about ourselves. And like I say, when I facilitate for breaking ice, it's this uh theater community, theater theater company that does DI work in corporate spaces, and we're talking about diversity in the workplace and how it can be difficult. And one thing I say every time is hey, emotions are a part of this work. We all grown adults, we all know that doing nothing, we all know that nothing good can't come from ignoring your emotions or pretending like they ain't there or just trying to push them down. Nothing ever good comes from that. So when you have them, pay attention to them. Where did that come from? Why did that upset me? Why did that make me sad? What about what he said hurt my feelings? And learn about what those triggers are. And as you learn, down the line, you'll be able to start to anticipate them before they come up or notice that hey, if I put myself in these circumstances or have these expectations around this certain thing, I need to anticipate and be ready to stop these emotions before they come up. Prepare for it or avoid it altogether, and then we can be able to manage our emotions better. So, how do we develop this? How do we develop this self-awareness? Well, one thing we can do is to have a reflective perspective of ourselves, like looking into a mirror and asking questions, not an actual mirror, not an actual mirror, a figurative mirror. But looking at yourself from outside of your own body, like, okay, what's going on with you? You are really angry right now. Why are you feeling this? What's going on inside you? How did you get here? There was something that made this ripple effect, and now you're angry. It's affecting your work, it's affecting how you show up for your loved ones, it's making you pessimistic. What's going on? And the other question is how do we get these reflective practices? Well, one way, and so many life coaches will tell you this, is to start journaling. It just works. And I know that can sound cheesy or like something a middle school kid should do, but let me break it down for you. So, first of all, we as humans would like to think we know ourselves. Like we think, hey, I'm 39 years old, I'd have been through these things in life, I'd survived these circumstances. I know what makes me mad, I know what makes me sad, I know my limitations, I know what traps to stay away from. I know, I know, I know, I know. But in reality, our conscious minds only account for five percent of our thoughts. Our conscious mind only accounts for five percent of our thoughts, only five percent, which means that your unconscious thoughts account for 95% of your thinking. And I want you to think about that for a second. Any time it takes you to think about who you are, all the things you've been through, what makes you you, the memories and the experiences, all the things that shape the lens in which you see the world, that's still only a small part of your mind that you just use. And since 95% of our thoughts are subconscious, it means the majority of the things we do, the actions we take, as well as how we behave, it ain't a conscious thing. We are who we are. 95% of who we are is made up of things we don't consciously even think about. So when you say you know yourself, how much do you really know? Well, the answer is 5%. You consciously know 5% of yourself. And the reason why journaling is so important is because when you write things out, like let's say something pissed you off and you're mad, and you say, Okay, I'm pissed off right now. Why do I feel like this? And you say, Okay, I'm mad because this person did that to me. And you ask yourself, okay, so why does that give you that reaction? And you say, Okay, because well, what they said was rude or disrespectful. Then you say, Okay, what was disrespectful about it and why did you let it get to you? And you say, Well, it got to me because they talk to me like I'm a child and I'm a grown-ass man. I'm not a child. Now you understand yourself just a little bit more. You found out that when somebody talks to you like a child, it can have you pissed off for days. Now you understand that trigger and can work on it however you need to, or to not put yourself in that situation however you need to. Whatever that, whether that's avoiding that person who said that or having a conversation about why they said that with them, whatever it is, but now you know and you understand what can trigger you. Now that wasn't a complex example, that was pretty simple and kind of an easy example. But as humans, we are complex beings, right? We just are. And your brain 100% is complex. And if I ask you what two plus two is, you would say four. But if I ask you what was 32,467 times 13, you would need to write it down and use that good old arithmetic you learned in high school or in c or middle school, whatever, whatever you learned how to do math. Clearly, I ain't been in school in a long time. But it might take you a little bit, right? But you would be able to figure it out. It's 389,604, by the way. Somebody needed to know that. I can feel that. Anyway, journal. It works. You think you know yourself, but you don't. Not like you think you do. Write things out, especially problems and things that trigger you, especially the things you're working on, the goals, the progress you want to make, the self-development goals, all that. Write things out, learn more of what's in that 95%, that's subconscious. And that's the first thing to do to be better at this reflective practice and looking at yourself from that reflective perspective, from that reflective angle. The second thing to do is pay attention to those thoughts, to what's going on in your head. Because again, the human brain is complex, and just like 95% of the thoughts that of the thoughts we have are unconscious, check this out 95% of our thoughts are also the exact same ones every day. 95% of our thoughts are the same every day. On average, we have about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts every day, and 95% of them are the exact same thoughts we had yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that, and the day before that. Think about that for a second. It's almost hard to grasp that kind of understanding. Our brains are really on autopilot, and this is why change, why changing who we are, the goals, the dreams we have for your life, all the progress you want to make. Well, it's hard as hell to be able to achieve something you ain't never done before if you think of the same thoughts you never had. Right? Does that make sense? How can we do something we've never done before if we think about the same things every day? If I wanted to be an astronaut, ain't no way I will become an astronaut if I don't make some kind of change in my brain and give it new information and change my thoughts. I can't autopilot my way to becoming an astronaut. And on top of that, 95% of our thoughts are being the same. Check this out. 80% of them are negative. 80% of our thoughts every day are negative. Again, kind of hard to grasp. That means if we do the math, about 48,000 of our thoughts every day are negative. 48,000 every day. Now I don't think it can be any clearer than that that our that our brains hold us back all the time, consciously and subconsciously. And one reason to become aware and actually take some time to pay attention to what goes on in our head, you can be able to see patterns, to find those patterns. You can start to see, huh, okay? I think about what other people would think about me if I do this. Or, huh, I compare myself to people who are way more successful than me a lot. Or, huh, I think about football and the saints way too much throughout the day when I could be using that time to think about music or my play I'm writing. Or, huh, I spend a lot of time dreaming about that thing than I actually do working towards it. Or, huh, I'm feeling anxious right now. What was I just thinking about? Why does this make me anxious? Like for me, one of the things I have to work on, and knowing that I'm an actor, you might not believe this, but I can be really an introvert. I really can. I feel it most when I'm out and about at social events, and my clock is way faster than my friends and my roommates, my social clock, and I be ready to go home. They be having fun and I'm ready to go. And it ain't because I didn't have fun, and if you're inter and if you're an introvert, you know what I'm talking about, but you have that social clock. And once that time is up, it's like Cinderella and that glass slipper. That outgoing energy you came up with, that loud joking and loud talking social butterfly version of you, it done turned into a pumpkin, and it's time to go. And even though I can't really make myself an introvert, what I can do and what I need to check and pay attention to is when I feel like folks might not connect with me as much because of it. Because a lot of times I'm just not outgoing. And after having a conversation with people about this and just open it up about it, like, yeah, I feel like I don't connect with folks like other people do because I can be a quiet person at times. And so many people have told me and still to this day tell me, it actually makes them want to know more about me. They want to figure out who I am, what's under my shell. Right? I done had women tell me I'm mysterious, which is funny to me. Another thing I noticed is that because I can be quiet and really selective with my words, when I speak, I can tell. People listen. My words mean more because they don't get me as many of them. So I've been working on this thought that because I may be quiet or introverted at times, that people don't connect with me or like me. When in reality, they do they want more. They do. They do connect with me and they want to connect with me. Anyway, pay attention to your thoughts. Figure out what your thought patterns are because how can you ever do things you've never done before if you think about the same things you think about all the time? Change what that 5% is, what those conscious thoughts are. That's what growth is, that's what change is. And the next thing we need to do is pay attention to our beliefs and to change our beliefs. And what I mean is a lot of the things we believe or believe in, whether that's religion, politics, the way we view the world, the way we view each other, is based off beliefs that a lot of times were passed down to us. Like for example, if you believe that, let's say you believe money is the root of all evil. Well, my guess is you didn't come to that conclusion on your own. More than likely, you heard somebody say that. Or you didn't heard that phrase for years, and now it was just this slogan that you might be living your life by. Something you believe in. And I'm using a silly example, but you'll you'll get my meaning. Challenge those beliefs. Question them. Do you really believe money is the root of all evil? Hell, do you even know that to be a fact? Because there are a lot of good people out there that have a lot of money that do really good things with it. Question where these beliefs, beliefs even came from in the first place. Like, okay, where did I learn that money is the root of all evil? And you realize, okay, it's just this phrase I heard all my life, and I know how money affects me, and I understand that everybody wants it, and a lot of wealthy people with power are evil. So, yeah, that makes sense why I think that. I see money being used for evil a lot. But if I'm being honest, I also see it being used for good. And after you challenge this belief, the next thing to do is to figure out if it's something you want to continue to believe in or not, and live your life by. Like if you believe that a man should never hit a woman no matter what, well, where did you learn that? Well, maybe you learned that from s maybe you learned that from society. Maybe your father told you that. Okay, well, do you believe that to be true? Well, there are some people out there that believe there are circumstances that will warrant a man putting his hands on a woman. Some people think that, like if the woman is abusing a man or being violent to him, punching him in the face, destroying his property, keying his car, then yeah, they're okay with the man hitting a woman. And some people feel like, no, even then, the man just needs to get himself out of that situation and not hit a woman. Regardless of where you stand on that one, figure it out and figure out why. And do this with all your beliefs. Now I ain't trying to get you to change a religion or change you into a Republican or Democrat or whatever, but the goal is to understand yourself better, to know who you are, to learn yourself in order to be able to find and achieve that growth. And also, as you're learning yourself, don't let that go too far because what you'll end up doing is guilting yourself or shaming yourself or getting mad at yourself. And that's the space where self-awareness turns into self-consciousness. And if you go too far down that self-conscious path, then that's going to turn into anxiety, into social anxiety, questioning yourself, feeling like you can't be your true self around other people. And it's definitely a fine line, don't get me wrong, but self-awareness is learning who you are, improving yourself, understanding that it's human to have areas that need change and effort, wanting to be better for yourself, letting go of the things you don't like and strengthening the things that you do like. Self-consciousness is that guilt. You get your you guilt yourself, you shame yourself, and that's what we need to stay away from. So let's grow our self-awareness and start to learn who we truly are. Knowing yourself is based on the past, and learning yourself is based in the present. Let me say it again. Knowing yourself is based in the past. Learning yourself is based in the present. And we are trying to go from the present into the future, right? Because that's where growth is in your future self. That's where your goals live in the future. So let's go to work. Like I said, I'm on a journey with you. I did the work to bring this topic to you, and I'm doing the work right now. And I really want to see you grow with me. And I'm loving this community. I'm building with y'all so much love and appreciation to each one of y'all. So that's what I got for you today. Uh, please share this message if you liked it on your social media. Also, share with the friend or family member. Also, please become a uh supporting member of the show. You can become a monthly supporter and donate. You can choose the amount you want to donate every month. It can either be three, five, eight, or ten dollars. And you can cancel at any time. Why would you ever do that? But uh, let's go ahead and get to this music. Like I always say, uh, y'all will get whatever I do first. Um, so I have an unreleased song that I have not shared on here yet. It's called Stubborn. All right, let's ride out. Just watch how you talk to me, it's matter for discussion. Really probably better off if you just don't say nothing. Call it what you call it, you're okay to what I'm stuck, uh. Call it with you, call it you okay to what I'm stuck, get on my way, uh. I stood for the moon in the frontin' it too. I'm out of stage. So don't you can't put me in my place. Out of the maze, I spin it like I ain't gonna liking the taste. Uh we put you slow, yeah. Planning my seeds and water my base. Stay out of my way. No man to come with the day. Let me get lone and follow my stage. Some in that start, man. Sorry, not start with the way that I'm finna free to me. Run, I'm catching the cage. Stop in the stomach, but I do not care about your style of the story. Go have a good day. Stop in that stomach. Green tasting got a nigga sleeping out day. We had a way too many bad days. You can see that I'm all in my face. I'm living stressin' on top of depression, but I don't say nothing. Let them keep guessing. That's why she texting me, are you okay? I said I'm good, are you on the way? Lay living hustle and faster. It was my goal to pick up the pace. Now let's so line, name raise. I'm like I know I'm a first place. Shit, I ain't wanna shine, uh Wanna get ready, but don't wanna climb it. That's not like that. My only regret was wasting my time. My second regret for being so stubborn. My toothpick, running just fuck it. I know when I'm all that fuck, I know when I all that's much how you talk to me for. I'll live with you, I'll let you open this to what I'm stuck, uh I'm in with you, I'll let you up fix the word and stuff. Shut up when you talk to me, shut up when you talk to me. I don't wanna hear your mouth or see your face. I don't need your help anyway. Believe I will be straight. I putin' it all on my plate, get it done in plenty way, plenty days. I'm outdoin' them niggas, but I keep it cool, I don't need to flip. You ain't a threat. I'm humble, so all I require from you is respect. Post on my test. That's how I play my cards, get off my deck. Cheap till it made you too close. Oh, I see you sound like my ex, not a desk. I'm learning some things abominable. I need to check, but I need some text. Let's talk about me later. I need some rest, I name the best. And devote and expressing my feelings, protecting my feelings, especially when it's this time of my life. When I'm working on me, and this God is my witness, I'm working better. Uh, let me slow down. Row in the top, snipe, wait on me to say I'm stubborn. Look, my nigga, I'm good, I swear I don't need no advice. Yep, I'm my ape, yeah. Just watch how you talk to me, it's not a fucking stuff. I'm in with you, I'm in your okay to what I'm stuck, uh what you'll let you okay to what I'm stumped and get on my way, uh shoot for the moon, ended up turning into a star. Now I'm out of space, yeah. So no, you can't put me in my place, yeah.