Boundaries, Without Burning Bridges

Ever feel that knot in your stomach after saying yes when you meant no? How do we concur the fear of letting people down and lay out a clear way to protect our time, energy, and peace—without burning bridges? Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re the structure that lets love, work, and friendships breathe.

We have to reframe self-prioritization. You’re not selfish for being full of yourself—you’re responsible. When your cup is full, you show up better for partners, parents, kids, friends, and colleagues. “Losing yourself” can become the wake-up call that may be too late. 

If this resonates, tap follow, share the episode with someone who needs the reminder, and leave a quick review. Your support helps more people learn how to set healthy boundaries and live a life they actually love.

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Transcript

Anthem Of Chasing Goals

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Losing myself and finding my strength came to the conclusion that I want it all. Feeling that pressure of tryna do better. I wanna reach heights, but too scared to fall. Too scared of failure, way more scared of feeling regret. I'm not even trying, that's terrifying. I understand that chasing my goals, I bury my clocks because it takes time. I gotta go. I already know if I wanna grow, you reap what you sow. That be the case. Planting my seeds and water my base. Yeah, I make mistakes. Yeah, I know you grow in your garden, but watch for the snakes. The people that act like you're crazy, but trying this, they far away. They don't think it's possible, I think it's possible. That is just hate. If they hate themselves, cause they on the shelf. While you create a life that you love.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

A life that you love. Loving the fact to improving yourself. Decided that you would not settle. Decided that you got the drive to do it. The road got bumped in your foot on the pedal. You go up a level, you turn up whenever. It's time for you to go put in that work. I know my work, huh? I know what ain't gonna be easy, yeah. I know it hurts, but hangers for sure. Yeah. Until it put me in this earth. Before I ride in that hearse, chasing my goals. I'm chasing my goals.

SPEAKER_00 1:19

Loving the fact to improving yourself.

Why Boundaries Matter In Every Relationship

Self-Respect Before Resentment

Be Full Of Yourself And Fill Your Cup

Real-Life Tradeoffs That Are Okay

Turning Down Projects To Protect Energy

Step 1: Decide What You Want

Step 2: Communicate And Disarm

Step 3: Stay Firm And Build Awareness

Recap, Share, And Support

Music Outro: Lean On Me

SPEAKER_01 1:29

Alright, and welcome back to another episode. Thank y'all so much for being here. If you are on YouTube, please like and subscribe to my channel. Like right now, go ahead, like and subscribe right now. It'll take you two seconds. I appreciate it. Uh, if you're on a podcast platform, please leave me a review. Also, become a monthly supporter of the show. Uh, this helped me keep this thing going. You can choose the monthly amount. It can either be three, five, eight, or ten dollars. You can cancel at any time while we ever do that. But let's go ahead and get into it today. Today it's gonna be a quick one, short and sweet, uh, still very important. But let's talk about how to set boundaries because it's important for everybody, including myself. So let's talk about setting boundaries with your relationships, with everybody around you. And this is important because a lot of people struggle with this, they give so much of themselves, and then they barely have anything left over for themselves because they let people step step all over their boundaries, or they just don't even know what their boundaries are. And if you don't know what your boundaries are, then yeah, people will overstep because you don't have them in place, and the people who won't even know that they overstep your boundaries, they won't even know it. And it's important for all of our relationships, every single last one of them, for your romantic relationships with your parents, those relationships, if they're still alive, your siblings, your friends, your family, your children, yeah, with yourself and especially for work, right? Whether at the office, for your job, or if you work from home, or if you focused on creating your own source of income, it's important to know where you stand and then clearly communicate this to everybody around you. So I'm gonna give you a process, a step-by-step process to adapt to. So let's get to it. So the thing about boundaries is most people don't have them and they don't talk about them. And this is why they don't know how to set boundaries or work through them if they do have them, right? This can cause a lot of friction and stress and frustration with people in your life when they continue to overstep your boundaries. And the thing is, when they do, when they overstep your boundaries, you can feel it. You know it don't feel, right? You recognize that it's something that something that it's something there that you ain't really comfortable with, but you haven't set those boundaries. So you might not know how to deal with it. And this can cause resistance towards somebody in your life, right? Do you have that person in your life? A lot of us do, most of us do. That person that you feel that friction towards, that person who oversteps. But the thing is, the thing that we first have to understand and work on is the relationship with ourselves. That's the most important relationship. We have to start there because a lot of times people give themselves up for the relationship, and you should never give yourself up for a relationship of any kind. If you feel like you're giving yourself up for a relationship, then you ain't showing up for that relationship the way you're supposed to be showing up, and that's not serving you, and that's not serving the folks who are in those relationships with you because you will start to feel some resentment towards them, right? So many people have resentment towards their siblings, especially their parents, and this resentment is formed because boundaries are being overstepped and probably been being overstepped for years and years and years, and now that relationship is tainted, right? Don't ever put anybody else above yourself because the more you work on becoming better, the better you will show up in those relationships, and the better you show up in those relationships, the better those relationships become. If you think and feel that you have to give and give and give and give and give in a relationship to make it better, then you won't have anything left for yourself. And if you don't have the energy and time to work on yourself, then you're actually losing some of the good that could potentially come in that relationship because you're losing some of yourself. People lose themselves in so many of their relationships, and that's the last thing I want for you. And some of you may have already lost yourself in your relationships. It happens. Sometimes we have to lose ourselves to be able to find ourselves, and that sounds cliche, but it's true. Sometimes we find out who we are and who we want to become when we completely lose ourselves in our relationships. Sometimes it's necessary and it's actually a good thing. It helps us figure out just what those boundaries are and to know how it feels when those boundaries get stepped on or stepped over. To know how it feels to be in a place that you never ever want to go back to. And a very important thing we should do, or we that we need to do, you have to be full of yourself. You absolutely have to be full of yourself. And some folks might not understand that if they don't get where you're coming from. And I'm not saying to be narcissistic, but you have to be full of yourself. The more full of yourself you are, it means the more confidence you have in yourself, and the more you'll be able to impact others around you and be able to give to the world. And honestly, who the hell should you be full of? Too many people are taught that you're supposed to just give and give and give. And you might know people like that that may be who you are. My mama, rest her soul, beautiful soul, beautiful person. And she was a person that would give and give and give. Folks used to say that she would give her give you the shirt off her back if you needed it. And I honestly feel like she would have. That's how she was. People like this, they they give so much. But if you feel like your boundaries are being overstepped, then you have to look at it from a different perspective. It's time to get full of yourself because it's more important to pour from a full cup than a half full cup, or worse, an empty cup. So look, canceling your plans with your friends to stay home and do what you need to do for your own mental well-being, that's okay. Stay home to cook instead of going to drink with your friends, that's okay. Turning down job opportunities, even though it'll be more money, but it'll be more important to have that time for yourself or with your kids. That's okay. And you might be shocked to hear me say this one, but skipping the gym, that's okay. It's okay to skip the gym if you're in a place where you absolutely need a break in your life. These things are okay. Now, I ain't saying that it's okay to be that friend who always cancel on folks or that you should get used to skipping the gym all the time. But if you feel like you absolutely need to skip things or cancel things or turn things down, it's okay. Sometimes you just need to do that. And I've really been working on this. I truly have. I'm tired of looking up, and it's like a Wednesday, and the week already feels long as hell, and I'm just exhausted and mad at myself for being right back in the same damn place again. And I have gotten better at it. I done turned down projects, so many projects, well, not so many projects, but I have turned down projects. A friend of mine asked me to be a part of this project, and I technically was available, but I looked at my calendar, and that week was already gonna be long for me. And even though I would love to be a part of that project and help him out, I had to tell him, you know, I'm sorry, but for my own mental well-being, I got to decline. And I really said that. I got the email to prove it, I got the receipts. But you have to find those boundaries when it comes to how much you put on your plate. I'm not saying that you should run from hard work and things that you need to get done, but you need to find that balance and not run yourself into the ground. That's really important. So let's talk about this process that I'm gonna give you three steps to setting boundaries. So, number one, you have to decide what you want. And a lot of us haven't thought about this. What it is that we actually want. If you were to build the perfect relationship with that person, whoever it may be, what would that look like? How do you want to feel in that relationship? How do you want them to feel in it with you? How do you want to show up? How do you want them to show up? How do you want to communicate? Get very, very clear on what it is you want. Otherwise, how would you get it? What would that perfect relationship look like? Get clear on it because that's going to help you get to step two. And step two is you have to communicate with them. Super easy. It ain't rocket science. Yes, I know, but it's true. You have to talk with them, they won't know your boundaries unless you communicate it with them. Because here's the thing: you have to teach people how to treat you. Let me say it again. You have to teach people how to treat you. Let me say it for the folks in the back. You have to teach people how to treat you. Ooh. Ooh, excuse me. Uh and step one really helps. Step two, because if you have it written out and you think about it beforehand, right? So then once you get in that conversation, you won't forget something. Right? Because that's real, right? You come into a conversation and you start saying your piece, and the conversation shifts, and then it ends, and you walk away, like, wait a minute, I forgot to say this, or I wish I would have said that, right? But yes, step two. Back to step two. Some people have been treating you a certain way because you haven't taught them how to. You have to communicate it to them. And it might be hard, but it's necessary. You have to do it, even if you take all the blame for it. And it's almost like manipulation almost, but take the blame for it as a tactic. And you do it like this. You say, you know what, this is my fault. I should have been clear about this. Or you say, you know what, this is my fault. I should have said something earlier about that. That's on me. Whatever you need to say, however you need to say it. If you gotta say, you know what, mama, I'm sorry, but I'm working from eight to five today and I'm exhausted at the end of the day, I can't go pick up your laundry today. Or you say, hey, I've been trying to work on my mental well-being and not having negativity in my life. So I'm sorry, but can we change the subject, right, to something positive? Clearly communicate to them what it is you want and why you want it. And have these conversations can be hard or uncomfortable. Easier said than done, right? I know. So here's a strategy you can use. So the first thing you have to do is you have to disarm them. So instead of going in and saying, Hey, we need to talk. I don't like how you XYZ. That's gonna make them get defensive, make them push back at what you're saying. So instead, you go in and you say, Hey, can I talk to you for a second? Or do you have a second to talk? And be up front. Just be upfront about it. Tell that person you have something to say, and you want to be honest with them without them judging or getting upset. And that alone is gonna disarm them. Now they've agreed to let you say what's on your mind, and since they've given you permission and you've told them you're gonna be honest in hopes that them in hopes that they won't get upset, you already set the ground rules. And now the conversation is ready to have, and now you can communicate. So that's number two. Um communicate with them. Number three, make sure you stay firm. When you communicate with them, they're probably gonna overstep again. Hell, probably as you're telling them about your boundaries, but you have to stay firm. Like, hey, remember the conversation we had about me working on negativity in my life? Or remember when I said my days are long and I need time after I get off work for myself to be mentally healthy? Right? Or hey, remember when I when we talked about how you say things to me that are condescending? Or hey, remember when I told you that just because I work from home, it doesn't mean that I'm just hanging out from home and I can't answer calls all day? You have to stay firm. Otherwise, they will take advantage of it, whether it's on purpose or not. Because at the end of the day, it does take awareness. Awareness. The more the they more than likely ain't even aware of how often they've been overstepping your boundaries. So the more you make them aware of it when they do it, the sooner they'll start to realize that, oh yeah, this is what they were talking about. Let me call them later. Or oh yeah, he did say he needs a break after work. Let me ask if he can do this on the weekend. It's tough love, but you can't be soft with your boundaries. You have to be firm. Again, it ain't rocket science. Those are the three steps. But number one, you have to number one is you have to really be clear on exactly what it is you want out of that relationship. Number two, you have to communicate with that person what it is you want and the that that you need them to do or stop doing. Number three, you have to be firm on it. More than likely, they're gonna do it again, and you have to remind them of what those boundaries are. Stay firm. And these steps are really easy, really important, because you, yes, you have to be the person who steps up when it comes to this. Because I guarantee the person that's overstepping your boundaries, what they're not gonna do is come up to you and say, you know what, I'm overstepping. How can I not do that? No, it don't happen like that. That ain't gonna happen. So let's make sure we step up, step up so we can experience our relationships in a healthy way and show up for ourselves in the best way we need to, so we can fully show up for ourselves or show up for others in our lives. So that's all I got for you today. If you like this episode, please share this message on your social media or with a friend or a family member who you think would enjoy this message. Also become a monthly supporter of the show. You can choose the monthly amount, it can either be three, five, eight, or ten dollars. You can cancel at any time. Why would you ever do that? Let's go ahead and get in this music. The sound I got for y'all today is Lean on Me.

unknown 15:17

Let's ride out.

SPEAKER_02 15:56

And on the gun, it's a lean on you.

SPEAKER_01 16:05

Well, you can lean on me. Live life on the height, sticking a little bit. I can be your own teeth, you better think G O B for you move up. If it hurts my name, it's a rumor. I'm on my brain. I make the most wet life doing. I mean them bitches, I mean them women, I mean I'm trippin', I mean I'm flippin' all ready to head so cups. When it's my pet to run, with the ruin of streets, I'm ruining them bitches leaves, but I like your shoes up, but a bunny up. Man, they can leave no cruelty. G double O D you good. You know what I mean? Pull up. They can never eat clips to me, they can't block my chine, cause I'm way too lunar. Cause the bond on day till the sun goin' down with the moon up. I wake up and say hallelujah. You got the beat bitch of medula, but they can be not taking mood up. My nigga'll be jumping the water, they come up with them babacoolas. I'm gonna flip go to kick in the road, but you can lean on me like when it goes down like a lean on me. I hit my colours that was done. But I'm too flap. This what the fuck I do, they gotta burn my view, but who can you trust? But tryna throw you under the bus. I just wanna window speed, me and the butt cut my dude. I'ma be more strike out. I'm staying calling my dot stop, and then I took that roof baby, and it's about three, and I'm getting big. It's a piece of litter, and I'm in beats my beat some skin of the bit down. But it's looking at me like he gon' get up. It's me like one of them, he might think gonna fill up and yeah, they but it pay me, I need more pillow, cause be more filler, finna get it, be me more picker. They job this be familiar. Looking at me like I'm in your mirror, looking at you like I need your liver. Damn that why you being so pillar. My young own, I'm in your business. And the world keep turning, keep turning, bro. Keep on spinning, my tingle be keep on winning, them ponies gon' keep on killin'. It's amazing, I'ma keep on living, tellin' me opportunities can knock where I'm from is ding don't dip. We can't breathe, but that ain't gonna listen. You could take a double stomper from a cup and pull it all over my child, in other words, you can lean on me, lean on me. Put everything on me.

SPEAKER_02 18:28

Sometimes you gotta get on the body kid, and on the gun, it's on the head, complicated on the body cannot be no longer.