Believe It Or Not, You Have An Ego pt 1

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Ego loves to pretend it’s confidence, but most of the time it’s fear trying to stay in control. If you’ve been showing up lately and you’re not in your groove, dealing with a down cycle, or carrying anxiety and self doubt, this conversation is meant to snap you back to what’s true: you still have everything you need to do something special, and this season doesn’t get to define you.

We get real about what ego actually is and why it shows up hardest when we feel insecure. The loud flex, the nonstop selfies, the flashy spending, the “I’m fine” attitude, the need for validation, even the urge to prove people wrong can all be ego wearing a disguise. We break down how that performance can block self esteem, personal growth, and real happiness, even when it looks like success from the outside.

Then we walk through the obvious signs your ego is driving: defensiveness when you get feedback, needing to be right, needing to win arguments, pride and boasting, revenge, possessiveness and control, gossip, obsession with outward appearance, and bullying. The key takeaway is simple and challenging: you can’t love yourself without being yourself, and you can’t build genuine confidence while you’re wearing a mask. This is part one focused on recognition, with solutions coming in part two later this week.

If you got value from this, subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs a reset. Post it to your social media and tag me, and if you want to support the show, buy me a cup of coffee through the link in the description.

Transcript

Opening Track Chasing Goals

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Losing myself and finding my strength came to the conclusion that I want it all. Feeling that pressure of tryna do better. I wanna reach heights, but too scared to fall. Too scared of failure. Way more scared of feeling regret. I'm not even trying, that's terrifying. I understand that chasing my goals, I bury my clocks because it takes time. I gotta go. I already know if I wanna grow, you reap what you sow. That be the case. Planting my seeds and water my base. Yeah, I made mistakes. Yeah, I know you grow in your garden, but watch for the snakes. The people that act like you're crazy, but trying this, they far away. They don't think it's possible, I think it's possible. That is best hate. If they hate themselves, cause they on the shelf. While you create a life that you love.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Welcome And Quick Support Options

A Reminder For Down Cycles

Ego Is Fear In Disguise

Defensiveness And Needing To Win

Bragging And Performing Confidence

Revenge Control And Gossip

Looks Bullying And Hidden Insecurity

Awareness Now Solutions In Part Two

Outro Song Opening Night

SPEAKER_01 0:47

A life that you love. Loving the fact to improving yourself. Decided that you would not settle. Decided that you got the drive to do it. The road got bumping your foot on the pedal. You go up a level, you turn up whenever. It's time for you to go put in that work. I know my worth, huh? I know it ain't gonna be easy, yeah. I know it hurt, but thing is for sure. Yeah. Until it put me in this earth. Before I ride in that hearse, I'm chasing my goals. I'm chasing my goals. Loving the fact to improving yourself. Decided that you in a settler, decided that you got the drive to do it to go. Got more foot on the cutter. I'm chasing my goals. Alright, and welcome back to another episode. Thank you so much for being here. If you are on YouTube, please like and subscribe to the channel. If you listen to me on a podcast platform, leave me a review. Those things help me out a whole lot. Also, uh, there is a new way for you to support me. You can buy me a cup of coffee. If anybody who knows me knows I love coffee, I drink coffee every day. I love it, I drink it, I need it, I wants it. So if you would I would love if you would buy me a cup of coffee. I left a link in the description. Uh it's a picture of a cup of coffee right there in the description. So just click on that and you can support. Alright, so before I get started, I want to say that I want to say this, and I feel like there might be somebody out there who needs to hear me say this. Some of you may be showing up in your life right now, and you just ain't in your groove. There are things that are not going as they should be going. Maybe you're in a down cycle. Maybe you had some recent letdowns. Maybe you experiencing things that are stagnant in your life, maybe even down to anxiety and depression. I just want to be that person that reminds you that you are still going to be that person who does something special. And that this is only temporary. And that you have everything you need inside you right now to make your life great. And that you can turn it around just the way you are, just who you are. And also, what you allow to happen is only gonna continue to happen in your life, but you can't allow it to keep happening, and that can be hard to accept, right? But the thing is, things that happen in our lives, we are allowing them to happen. And I know a lot of the hard things that happen uh that can be just coincidental, right? A lot of things are just out of your control. But I want to challenge some of that today. I'm also gonna challenge you about the fact that you deserve better, but you need to believe you deserve better in order to turn your life around. And we're gonna talk about something that may seem a little ironic to talk about because it might not seem connected, but it's actually very connected, and that thing is ego. So the truth is ego is always fake. It's always something that pops out when we're insecure, when we have some kind of fear, right? If you meet those folks, we will call them egomanics. Ego maniacs, I'm sorry, ego manics, ego maniacs, the folks with the biggest egos, right? These people are actually the most insecure people out there. They are the most scared, most fearful, usually usually the least happy. And I know what you're thinking, that there ain't no way that you have an ego. Like I'm so down on myself. How the hell could I have an ego? I can be so self-conscious. How does that equal ego? But it's the people who are down on themselves that actually have their egos materialize and show up more often than they think. And it's actually their ego that might be holding them back. And I hear you. How can somebody who might have low self-esteem or somebody who don't have the best confidence around certain things in their life have an ego? Well, let's talk about it. Because the people with high self-esteem, they actually don't have egos. The people who are the most confident, the genuine kind of confidence, right? The people who are so confident within themselves, with who they are, they typically don't have egos. They don't need them. And before I keep going, let me just say that I'm talking about this topic, like most of the things I talk about on here, because I struggle with it too. I don't want you to think that I got it all figured out, that this is the kind of podcast, right, that I'm that I'm telling you, just do what I do, and I gotta figure it out. I'm this rich person who has figured out the path to success. No, I'm on this journey with you, and we're gonna figure it out and grow together. That's my goal. But people's egos show up when they are the most scared. And a lot of times it can be when people start achieving and seeing success. Maybe they get full of themselves, and at least that's what it looks like on the outside, right? And what's really happening in their minds is they're afraid they're gonna fall down. Afraid they're gonna lose something, afraid they're gonna have a setback. And a lot of times when we see those people, maybe our friends, who have that ego, it's when they doing good, right? Like, look at her. She's so full of herself, she thinks she looks so good. Look at all the selfies she posts, look at all the pics she takes, all half dressed. Most of the time she actually, actually don't think she looks good. Most of the time, he actually don't think he looks good. And they actually just looking for validation. They look for that validation from other people. And to us, it may seem like, it may seem like they showing off or flaunting, flaunting. But in reality, they need people to tell them they look good because they're insecure. We see this in men and in other ways too, right? You see them when they start doing well, they start making a lot of money, they buy the fancy car, they start to be all flashy with what they buy, what they wear, right? He is so afraid that he's gonna lose it all. He's so afraid that all his success that he's having, it has exceeded who he truly is. Who he truly is deep down. He probably is insecure about who he is as a person, as a man in general. So the materialistic things help him feel like he really is somebody. He's afraid. People go see him for who he truly is, and his ego shows up because he's afraid. When you see ego, just know that it usually means fear. And that that may sound like it might be a little ironic, but it's true. So let's talk about recognizing when our ego shows up. Because once we figure out when it does show up, we can check ourselves on it and go back to being our regular selves, which is my first point. You can't love yourself without being yourself. You can't love yourself without being yourself. And when our egos show up, we're not being ourselves. When you let go of that ego, you can let go, you can let your true self in. You can let that false confidence go. And we're gonna talk about some really obvious examples of how your ego shows up, and we're gonna talk about some ways it shows up that may be harder to catch. And talk about, excuse me, talk about some solutions for both of them. Well, actually, the solutions are gonna be on the next episode. Don't worry, I'm putting that out this week, so you ain't gotta wait to wait for it, but I had to break this one down so it wouldn't be too long. So we're talking examples today, then solutions on part two later on in the week. But let's dive in. So here are some of the obvious ways. First sign, first ego we can recognize is defensiveness. You ever met somebody who just generally get defensive about stuff? Whenever you ask them a question or say something, they just seem to always just get defensive. Their ego is showing up. Sometimes we actually need to respond to criticism with open arms, but instead we get defensive about it, and you better believe that is ego rearing its ugly head. Pay attention to yourself around this. The second sign is somebody who always gotta be right. That person who has to prove what they're saying is true all the time, in excess. You ever met that person who always go out of their way to prove that what they say is true? This is because they're afraid that what they said might not be true. It's their ego. They're afraid of being incompetent, that they're not smart. And the second part to that one, the need to win in a disagreement. They need to always win in an argument. This is an ego issue. It's the idea that if somebody makes a great point or they challenge your point, you actually might not be right, and you having to back off that point somehow makes you weak. This is insecurity. You don't have to always win in a disagreement. It's okay to be like, you know what? I'm sorry. I was acting wrong. You're right. Admitting that you that you're sorry and that you're wrong is a sign of confidence and strength, a sign of lack of ego. Ego is the exact opposite. And I know that you know these people. We've all seen them, right? Or is this you? It's easy to see these things in other folks, but the real confident people, they see these things in themselves, right? So is this you? And number three, the third one, uh, pride and boasting, right? Constantly bragging and boasting about your achievements, being prideful all the damn time. And this is a very obvious one, right? I think I can say I don't have this one myself. People are always telling me how humble I am, that I don't talk about myself enough, which I think they're right. I need to have uh more of an ego around that than I currently do. I need to be talking up this podcast, talking of my music, my workout business, my editing, my theater career, the marketing and advertising of it all, right? It's needed to have some kind of ego in doing that, right? To have that attitude that, hey, what I got, you need it. Pay me for it, right? That's a positive way, right? And I'll get into more of that in part two. But the next one, and I know you see this in a lot of people, revenge. Do you seek revenge against people? Do you know people who constantly want to get back at people? Revenge is ego. 100%, 100% of the time, it is ego. Again, guilty. How many of us got told something like you can't do this, or you'll never be XYZ, or somebody wronged you and you didn't and they didn't believe in you, right? And it could be years later and you want to prove them wrong. You want to get your revenge by doing the exact thing they said you couldn't do. Ego. Why? Because you should be doing that for yourself, not for them. That's ego. Another one possessiveness, the desire to own somebody or control other people. We don't own people, right? And our desire to control people, to control situations, that's definitely an ego issue. That person who's trying to be possessive of you, they have an ego issue. And again, be honest with yourself. Do you do this? If you do, know that you are making somebody's life harder than what it has to be by having to have control all the time. Another one, talking down about somebody or gossiping about people all the time. That's ego. It's also a major sign of insecurity, actually, hand in hand, right? Insecurity and lack of confidence go hand in hand with ego. And I was listening to this guy named Ed Milet, who's a highly successful, successful entrepreneur and life coach, and he challenged his class to go a whole day without talking negatively about another person. And then took it one step further after that and challenged them to go a whole day without talking about another person at all. And think about that. Could you do that? Could you go a whole day and not speak a word about another individual? I'll be honest, I don't think I could right now. I don't I don't think I could. I was just, I just got off the phone a little bit ago. My homeboy, we're talking about somebody, about a friend of ours and what they doing. Right? But we all been there, right? We all been there with the gossiping. I have my moments. Some of y'all probably have gossiped with me, right? So I'm calling myself out on that. Now, I will say the majority of the time, I do it because I'm annoyed with somebody or somebody did something stupid, but still. And a lot of times we do it when we around people, right? It's easy to gossip around other gossipers. So in reality, the true sign of not having the ego is not to engage. And that can be challenging. I'm actually uh getting better at that, like I said, and I be ignoring that gossip a lot of times. So many times I find myself just tuning it out, being in my own little world in my head. I make it a point to pay attention to something else. That way they can't even invite me in the conversation because I'm just occupied with something else. Moving on. The next one. It's another obvious one, and that's obsession with outward appearance. You ever go to the gym and you see that buff ass dude always in the mirror, posing, checking out his muscles, right? Or that person who looks at themselves in the mirror a whole lot. Again, I'm guilty of this. Not the not the gym thing. Hell no. Don't you ever think I do that? But I've had a multiple multiple people tell me that they see me looking in the mirror at myself, and they be like, you know, every time you pass a mirror, you be looking at yourself in the mirror. Have you ever noticed that? And the thing is, I'm not looking at myself like, oh, I look so good. Damn, look at me. No, I'm if I'm being honest with myself, it's an insecurity. I'm checking to make sure that I don't look bad. I'm looking for flaws, damn near. I'm worried about my outward appearance to the extent that I'm not even conscious of the fact that I be checking myself out in the mirror all the time. I'm looking for flaws. Again, ego. Or what about that person who always posting selfies and there's always that filter, right? And I ain't talking about a regular filter. I'm talking about them filters that make a person look completely different than who they are in real life. Damn near unrecognizable, right? Like that don't even look like you, right? And the thing is, they don't even realize it. They can't even tell. They can't tell. It's because they're so hyper-focused on it. It's that constant obsession with what they're looking at in themselves. Again, these are signs of the ego. And again, is this you? The next one, another easy one. Bullying. 100% only insecure and weak people bully people. And I ain't talking about like playground bullying, right? Folks at your job can't be a bully. Your boss can be a bully. I think we done all had that bully boss. They were insecure. And I ain't gonna name no names, but I done work with some bully directors. And it makes rehearsal so uncomfortable. But in reality, they were just insecure, which is unfortunate for everybody else in the room. But bullying, that's another one. So these are some of the obvious ways that your ego may be showing up in your life. Like I said, this is part one. Be sure to listen to part two later on this week. If you listen to this when it first came out, uh part two is coming in a few days. And these are important to recognize and not only take note of, but to work on them because when you start to get to the root of why you have this kind of behavior, why you do these things, then you'll be able to see what areas in your life need attention, what insecurities you may have. And when you are aware of these things, you can work on them and eventually turn them into more confidence, and you'll be showing up in the world and for yourself more genuine and truly yourself. And when you have that confidence, you can go out and create that life you want. I'm not saying that confidence is going to give you success, but if you have it, then you'll be that much less likely to get in your own way. And a lot of times we do exactly that to ourselves, so we get in our own way. So don't let your ego hold you back. So that's what I got for y'all today. Man, thank y'all for being here and listening. Like I said, there is a new way to support me. You can buy me a cup of coffee. I love coffee. I drink it every morning. I need it, I like it. Like I said, the uh there's a link in the description. If you look, it's a picture of a cup of coffee. Just click on that, and then you can uh buy your boy a cup of coffee. Uh, also, if you enjoyed this message, please share this to your social media and make sure you tag me in it. Uh, if you feel like a friend or a family member can enjoy or would benefit from hearing this message, please share this with them. Let's go ahead and get to this music. Uh, the song I got for y'all today is called Opening Night. Let's ride out.

SPEAKER_00 17:55

Yes, yes. Yes, look.

SPEAKER_01 18:08

I decided to take a leap. Hey, I never landed. I'm fly as a bird, I'm high as a bird, and highly favored. But it wasn't my time to shine, so I waited my turn. Sit back and observe, yeah, and I got to work. And before I sign on your ballot line, put some respect on my chip. Yeah, cause I know my words. Out of my mouth, only what I deserve. I'm about to be like I'm about in the herbs. I'm about to bag a beat. Oh, I come with this heat. If I need a uh, I let it burn. And it's love with my family pro Sittin here left, just like my daddy. Cause we go grind, you know, we go work. Low is he bother me, that's all that matters about your chip channel. Never no negative words from her. She promised something cause she got curved. He was finished and done. He started to doubt me. I promise it made me go hard as it burns. Open the night. I gotta buy me a open and fit, man. I hope I don't splurge. I'm bitching height, I know a bitch link, I gotta fall. I hope it don't hurt. Hopin' I don't stay down on the bottom, I hope I return is open at night. Hopin' I go to bed and wick up tomorrow, like over the night. Hopin' you're not tryna argue with me, dog. You know what you like. Be seein' there in the wild, she knows on slight. She know that I'm busy as soon as I find that they off, she get the whole night. Almost time tonight. In my mind, I finna get bite. Yes, yes. Hopin' I shine, they dimin' the light. Yes. Wish I could give you this feelin'. I promise this shit is the best. I got this weight on my chest, I'm pushing it off me. Promise you that's not a flex. Yes, yes. Damn, but you gotta be so analytic. All you gotta say is you don't get it. I'm here acting like a critic.

SPEAKER_00 19:32

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 19:32

I'm done tryna prove to y'all that I've been gifted. However, y'all ain't know I existed. Now my name is still in ticks. I'm thankful to myself, I stay committed. And I'm sorry if I've been dissing. I hope you don't get it twisted. I don't have hate in my spirit. I only hate flying spirit. Open the night, we've been stiffin'. I hope I'm still coherent. Tell a little bit in the big celebration. Pick up your libration. I'm making a toast. I put in hours to hours perfecting my craft and make sure I give you the notes. I make it look easy, but trust and believe me. If you try to beat me, I know you would choke. I don't wanna settle, I wanna do better. A whole nother level. I'm talking about growth. It's open at night and not enough space to type the way I feel in this post. Think about friends and all the parts I missed, them places that I couldn't go. Sorry, but I gotta miss it. I be there in spirit. Bam, I feel like a ghost. I hit the stage and I float.