Believe It Or Not, You Have An Ego pt 2

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Your ego isn’t always loud. Sometimes it it looks like over-apologizing, avoiding being alone, or only spending time with people who never challenge you. We dig into the less obvious ways ego shows up, why it fuels emotional ups and downs, and how it can quietly block confidence, creativity, and personal growth.

We talk about chasing outside approval and how social media turns self-worth into a scoreboard. We get into why criticism can feel personal when ego is running the show, and why staying stuck in old stories is a sneaky way to avoid the work of building your next chapter. Then we shift into the part that matters most: what to do next. We break down how real self-love is more than affirmations. It is showing up, doing the work, and building self-belief even when nobody is clapping.

We also connect ego to setbacks through delayed gratification. Negative habits often “pay out” fast, while positive results take months, so coasting when you feel on top can quietly set up the next slump. To close, I share a piece of my hip-hop musical and the opening song, The Wanderer, which travels through time and carries themes of struggle, survival, and Black resilience.

If this helped, subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs a push. What is one ego habit you’re ready to check today?

Transcript

Motivation Rap To Set The Tone

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Losing myself and finding my strength came to the conclusion that I want it all. Feeling that pressure of tryna do better. I wanna reach heights, but too scared to fall. Too scared of failure, way more scared of feeling regret. I'm not even trying, that's terrifying. I understand that chasing my goals, I bury my clocks because it takes time. I gotta go. I already know. If I wanna grow, you reap what you sow. That be the case. Planting my seeds or water my base. Yeah, I made mistakes. Yeah, I know you grow in your garden, but watch for the snakes. The people that act like you're crazy for trying this, they far away. They don't think it's possible, I think it's possible. That is just hate. If they hate themselves, cause they on the shelf. While you create a life that you love.

SPEAKER_01 0:45

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Welcome Back And How To Support

Coffee Fast And Unexpected Blessings

Ego Part Two And The Goal

The Quiet Signs Of Ego

Self Love Beats Ego Over Time

Delayed Results And Avoiding Setbacks

Do The Work Even Without Proof

Closing Support Requests And Sharing

Introducing The Hip Hop Musical

Performance The Wanderer Opening Song

SPEAKER_00 0:47

A life that you love. Loving the fact to improving yourself. Decided that you wouldn't settle. Decided that you got the drive to do it. The road got bumping your foot on the pedal. You go up a level, you turn up whenever it's time for you to go put in that work. I know my worth, huh? I know it ain't gonna be easy, yeah. I know it hurt, but thing is for sure. Yeah. Until it put me in this earth. Before I ride in that hearse, I'm chasing my goals. I'm chasing my goals. Love enough back to improving yourself. Decided that you in a settle. Decided that you got the drive to do it to go. Got more foot in the cutter. I'm chasing my goals. Alright, welcome back to another episode. I'm feeling good for today. Uh, but yeah, thank y'all for being here. Um, if you are listening on the podcast, please. I'm sorry, if you're listening on YouTube, go ahead and leave me. Ah, wow, harbor star, but I'm gonna keep going. Because I mess up sometimes, but I keep going because that's what I preach about on this podcast all the time. Sometimes you have a setback, that's what this was. I'm gonna keep pushing through. Let me try that again. What's up, everybody? Thank y'all for being here. If you are on YouTube, go ahead and like and subscribe to my channel. If you are listening on the podcast platform, go ahead and leave me a review. I got a new way for y'all to support me. You can buy me a cup of coffee. I say this all the time, but I love coffee. I drink coffee every day. I'm that person. I won't say I need it, but I love it. And I actually just um I actually just fasted on coffee for for Lent. Well, not Lent because I'm Baptist, but it's very similar. Uh at our church, we do this 30-day fast and prayer leading up to Easter. And the pastor instructs us to give up something we crave that we just quote unquote can't go without. And I fast every year, and I usually give up wings and gummy candy. Wings is my favorite food, and I love gummy candy. And I only fasted on coffee one time before this, and let me tell you, it was hard. That next year, last year, I didn't fast on coffee. I was like, nah, ha ha I can't do that again. But at the same time, it is a fast and a prayer. And the prayer part is asking God to do something big in your life that this sacrifice you make in re in remembrance, it is in remembrance of Jesus' sacrifice, and that sacrifice is going towards what you're praying for. So I decided to just take it more serious and do it. And it was hard. Y'all? It was hard. But at the same time, I looked up after it was over and I realized I really did get blessed. I booked three shows, Understudy Gig, and I won a grant. All during that time I was fasting. 30 days. But anyway, that was a long-winded way of telling y'all that I love coffee. So if you want to support me, you can bless me with a cup of coffee. The link is down below. Okay, so before we get started, I first want to say this uh that this is a two-part episode, and we're talking about ego and especially the fact that you, yes, you have an ego, and most of you probably would disagree with that, especially if you are a person who has a lot of ups and downs lately. But we're talking about how your ego can actually be a big reason for those ups and downs and how to work on it. So this episode is the second part. The first episode we talked about some of the obvious ways we have egos, and some of the um some of them are a lot more obvious than others, but still obvious. Today we're talking about how some of we're talking about some of the not so obvious ways that you have an ego, as well as what to do next, which is the most important part. So I would suggest you go listen to the first episode first. It's a good warm-up to this one. And if you already heard the first one, then let's dive in. So let's talk about those less obvious examples. Number one, seeking outside approval. Seeking outside approval is an important one to realize, and not only seeking outside approval, but seeking that outside approval for reward. The addiction of other people's approval, that is, for ego. For one, you can't love yourself without being yourself, and two, you can't be yourself if you don't believe in yourself. Bars. You can't love yourself without without you can't love yourself without being yourself, and you can't be yourself if you don't believe in yourself. By seeking outside approval from other people all the time, it means that you lack in in personal belief. And this is definitely one that I have been a victim of. It can be easy to feel like you need somebody else to tell you that you did good before you actually feel like you did good. And social media can play a big role in this. That damn like button, y'all, that damn like button is literally ruining people for getting too many or getting too few. And I have to constantly work on this, right? That just because I don't get the amount of likes, it does not mean it ain't good, or that somebody is more or less worthy. Right? And I really used to let this get me down, and I still do to us to a certain extent at times. It's something I will have to work on probably forever, but I am gradually getting better and I have gotten a whole lot better. But that's number one. The second one, being afraid to be alone. People who are afraid to be alone or can't be alone have an ego issue. They can't be with themselves, with their own company. Are you comfortable in your own presence? And this goes hand in hand, right, with if you truly love yourself. And forgive me for going through these really, really fast, but I want to get them out. So that was number two. Number three is only hanging out with people who agree with you. Only hanging out with folks who believe in exactly what you do, in politics, in religion, in education in education style, right? The truly confident person is comfortable and willing to associate with folks who have different opinions and the folks that express those different opinions. But the unconfident people, the ones who can't be around people with different ideas than them, is because their ego won't let them. They only surround themselves with folks that are gonna agree with everything they say and everything they do. That's a formula for no growth. You don't have anybody around you to challenge you, to give you a different perspective, a different perspective, and to at times disagree with you and to point out that your thinking might be wrong. And in turn, you being okay with recognizing when you are wrong and admitting and accepting that fact. Admitting you're wrong is hard to do when you got too much ego. Next one, number four, being easily offended by criticism. If you get offended by people's criticism, you really have an ego. And I think this one is actually one of the more obvious ones, like I said last episode. Sometimes we need to welcome criticism with open arms. And I see actors struggle with this a lot in rehearsal. When you think you're doing that character and the character's thought process and their motivation for saying the words they say in the text, and your director tells you that you have it wrong, in so many words. I see actors fight tooth and nail for ideas that are just wrong. And they bump heads with that director, and now rehearsal is uncomfortable because of ego. Criticism can be good. That was number four. Number five, being stuck in the past. Are you constantly telling old stories from the past? That's an ego issue. All the accolades you had in high school, all the cool achievements you had at your old job, what you did back then, that's ego. Where are you going? What are you currently doing? What's next for you? Constant constantly reciting and reliving in the past means you ain't living in the present. And I got this homeboy, and I'm okay saying this on here because I would say this to him. I'm pretty sure I did say this to him. But uh, we ain't been in high school since 04, okay? And he's a grade older than me. But for the longest, every time I saw him, he would bring up this time in practice, in football practice, when he got a really good hit on me. And I'll admit, he did. He knocked me on my ass, he blew me up, and everybody was like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And it was a good hit. I give him that. But for the longest time, he would always bring this up. Years later, a decade, over a decade later, like, hey, remember that time in practice when I when I when I blew you up? Yeah. Yeah, I I remember. I do. I got it. Yes. That was his ego. I still love him. That's my homeboy. All love, all fun. But that was ego. Okay, and the last one constantly apologizing. Yes, constantly apologizing. And this one ain't an obvious one. And let me be clear. I ain't talking about those folks that just apologize all day for the small, simple things, like that person who you bumped into on by mistake and they tell you I'm sorry, or that person who says sorry when they drop a pencil trying to give it to you, right? We know those folks. I ain't talking about them. I'm talking about the folks that do the same thing to somebody, they hurt them, they disrespect them, they talk down to them, yell at them, and instead of fixing it and making sure it don't happen again, they take the easy route and just apologize and don't do any work. That's ego. And unfortunately, I've been guilty of this, right? With my communication, for example, especially through text, mainly through text. But um sometimes I'm real bad at responding, and I'll leave people text on red and not respond for days. And I'm sure some of y'all listening right now might know this from experience. I apologize. That's my ego. And my ego, I I would apologize every time. And I would admit, like, my bad, that's on me. I'm sorry. But did I do the work to change it? No, not then, not then, not then. I didn't. But I did make it a point to work on it, and I got better at it. My homeboy, he reminds me all the time, like, hey, you got way better than what you used to be. But still, I know I ain't there yet. I'm working on it. And I lied, I got one more. Uh, and this is the biggest one. Worrying about what everybody thinks about you. Yes, worrying about what everybody thinks about you, if you constantly worry about what they think about you, your ego is out of control. And I know it sounds kind of crazy. You would think that because you do care what folks think about you, it means that you don't have an ego. It's the exact opposite. People who have no ego love themselves so much that they know who they are to their core, and other people's opinions just don't matter. They don't need the approval of other people. All they need is God or whatever their beliefs are that they may have, their family, and themselves. That's it. No, not other people's opinions of them. So those are all the different issues with ego we have, all the things and the ways how ego impacts our lives. And some of these are real obvious, some of them are not as obvious, but let's wrap this thing up and talk about you for a second. Wouldn't the ultimate version of you be a person who don't brag, who don't boast, who don't tell stories about the past, who don't worry about what other people think, somebody that can take criticism, right? All the things that we've discussed over these past two episodes, the ultimate version of you would have none of those egos, right? The best way to get rid of our egos is we love ourselves. We believe in ourselves, and that way we can know ourselves on a deeper level and challenge ourselves with growth. When you see these things start to show up in your life, start to show up with who you are, recognize that these are ego issues, check yourself when it happens, because these things can lead to a setback. What happens is we start thinking, or we start to think, especially when things are going well, we think we got things so much figured out, we think we on the right track and we killing it, and we stop working on ourselves. We stop reading the books, we stop working out as hard, we feel like we deserve a break. We let the momentum we built up go to our heads and we start to coast. And when we do that, the negative effects they don't show up right away. It shows up weeks and months later, it shows up down the road, and that's the problem. Think about whatever slump you may be in right now, whatever setback you're experiencing or have experienced. I bet that more than likely you can look back at a few months, maybe even a little longer, and see how you started that downward spiral. And usually it starts when you're feeling good. Uh-huh. When you think you're in a good place and you slowly start to slip and you don't even realize it. Failure or that setback, it's a delayed event. Same thing in business. If you uh if you're a business, if that business stops doing what made them successful, the company won't fail right away. But over time, it's gonna get worse and worse and worse. And they go look up and realize, uh-oh, we're in trouble. Same thing with you. The negative results always trail the negative behavior. The negative results always trail the negative behavior. And I see this in myself. If I look back at all the times when I had to pull myself up out of a setback, it's because I got comfortable. I stopped doing the things required to win, to be successful. We do this a lot, right? With fitness, with finances, relationships, business, healthy habits, unhealthy habits. When you leave them unchecked, eventually that setback go come. And if you listen to the first part of this uh two-part episode, I started this thing off by saying, I want you to do great things and how I believe in you, and how you can turn things around for yourself. And I mean that. And for you to turn these things around, you have to understand that you have to do the things now. You have to start now. Start the work now. And just like negative results come later, so will the positive results. And the positive results, unfortunately, take longer. They do. It is what it is, but they will come. Most of the folks who I follow, like the entrepreneurs and the life coaches, they all say it takes about six to twelve months to see the positive results from your hard work. Whoever that thing is that you may be working on, right? And that's longer than that's longer than the negative results, right? The negative results, they tend to only take one to four months. So remember that. The positive results from all the things you're doing, they won't show up for six to twelve months. But the negative results show up in one to four months. So remember that. When you start working towards goals and something that you don't see progress in right away, keep going. You ain't there yet. And if you stop doing the things that you need to do in order to get you there, those negative results are gonna come faster and you're gonna have to work that much longer to get yourself to those positive results. It just gonna take longer. It ain't fair, but I'll be damned if it ain't true. Don't let your ego get in the way and tell you that, man, I'm doing all this stuff and it ain't working. That delayed gratification is coming. And on the other side of that, Cohen, if you are winning, don't stop doing the things that got you there because you ain't far away from that setback if you do. This is how the ego will get you. So let me say again that you are supposed to do something great in life. You're supposed to be happy and successful, and it all starts with loving yourself. And I ain't just talking about self-love, meaning saying, you know, I love myself, I'm beautiful, I'm enough. That is important, but what I mean is do the things that are true to who you really are, do things that will remove that ego and allow you to be you. Doing the work every day on yourself or your business or your goals or your relationships, your negative thoughts, whatever, every day. Even when you don't see results, that's a true lack of ego. Doing the work and showing up, showing yourself just how much you believe in yourself, knowing that the delay gratification is gonna come at some point. That is self-love. So that's what I got for y'all. Like I said earlier, there is a new way to support me. You can buy me a cup of coffee. I put the link to the description in the I put the link in the description. It's a click, it's a picture of a cup of coffee. Click on that and support your boy. I appreciate it in advance. Uh, also share this episode to your social media and tag me in it, or share it with a friend or family member who you think would benefit from hearing this message. Let's go ahead and get to this music. So, uh I saved this until the end because I don't want nobody to jump all the way to the end. But like I've been talking about for uh for a long time on here, I am working on a hip-hop musical. And uh this song I'm gonna share with y'all is from that play, the hip hop play, hip-hop musical. And in I shared it before, uh, but I'm gonna share it again because some of y'all maybe have not heard it. But it is the opening number, the opening song of the play. It is uh from the main character of the show that is gonna be played by me. Uh, he is the Grio, and in this song, uh he travels, he kind of travels through time. Um, so again, this is a musical, so I want you to imagine they're gonna be dancers, other bodies on stage, an ensemble on stage, and a big part of the show will be projections. So imagine projections of images that I rap about are gonna be on the screen. Um, they're gonna be different lighting and movement, right? Everything happening all at once, helping to make uh this world come together, to make this world come alive. Um, it is a solo, it is a solo for myself, but it is a group number in the fact that we are all gonna be telling the story on stage. So have that in mind. This is uh the opening song is called The Wanderer. All right, let's ride out. I look to the heavens like what did I do? That's what he spoke. That's what he said. It has to be you. But all I ask is that you see me do. Cause I see the chains over me, I see the pain over me, I feel the rain over me. I know what a stomach can do. And about to break these shackles. Cause my mother is right next to me, and my brother is on the left of me, and my cousin making rest of peace. This proximity is affecting me. I supposed to be this close. He died because he couldn't breathe. She died because she couldn't breathe. We never smelled this smell. Fresh air got stolen by dead relatives and disease. We not supposed to be this close. I be 400 feet on this boat. The dead ones and the sick woman's get thrown overboard, but nobody wants asked when they didn't float. And this trauma is hereditary, we gets passed down through generations of the situation. That ancestors were so sick and so nauseous. And no summer booms in the hood. That ain't bottom, we don't like mama. That ain't bottom, we don't like water. My eyes when I got the shore, I think we landed somewhere in Georgia. I got some to Louisiana, and my brother got some flor. I still live on, that he can't kill me, I won't be no more. I still live on, that he can't kill me, I must be immortal. I must be immortal. I look to the heavens like what did I do? That's when he spoke, that's when he said it has to be you. So I've been living a life of bondage. I've been here for 400 years, and our language is forgotten. It sounds far into my ears, and they won't let me learn to read. I know it's out of fear, they know I teach my peers. They know the knowledge is power. What ain't they fear is being the power. They control is keeping his time by whipping the rippin' the selling us off. They too scared of my power, and my power, my power. My pop was one of the rebellious bitch, taking the hell in this bitch. I'm gonna crucify every last one of them out. I put a nail in this wrist. I'ma be cows just like the owls. I make them took they telliness, bitch. Yeah, I know it's a hell of a risk, but why you tellin' me this? You my brother, why you tellin' me this? You saw what they just did to my mother. Why you tellin' me this? You know that let's weak they kill my cousin. Why you tellin' me this? Why you tellin' me quit? I gotta do something. I gotta do something free. Wait, free. What you mean me free? We've been free since Jones. I look to the heavens like what did I do? Please don't be speechless, God. What are you tryna teach us, God? The playing field ain't even. So how are we supposed to beat the odds? The cotton fields ain't leaving. They tricked us into sharing crops. They callin' us sharecroppers. It's getting better as I fast forward. They still killin' our black fathers, grandfathers. They put the cops on us, killing us with our tax dollars. I got it right for you to be simple. Why the fuck we gotta ask forward? I'm right next to my black mama, black brothers, black fathers, black bodies, black marchers. There's a bridge in Selma. There's a bridge in Selma, telling us that we can't cross asphalt. I can't keep my back off it. And even though we peaceful, they won't call the attack off. And my mother fell to the asphalt, and my brother fell to the asphalt. Tear gas, billy clubs, horseback. Felt like when my cousin died. When they lynched him back and tossing, they lynched him back and tossin'. But it's getting better as I fast forward. Slowly getting better. Let me fast forward. No, no, I survived it. I can't fast forward, we thrived in it. Can't fast forward from a shy proper to a black scholar. Four letters, that's a black college. And they just killed Malcolm. Then Stokely gave me black power, black panthers running on black power, black national anthem, black authors, black president, beautiful black daughters. Stokely gave me black power, black panthers running on black power, black national anthem, black author, black president, beautiful black daughters. Stokely gave me black power, black Panthers running on black power, black national anthem, black art, black president, beautiful black daughters. Stokely gave me black power, black panthers running on black power, black national anthem, black art, the black president, beautiful black daughters, Stokely gave me