When You've Outgrown Them

Growth doesn’t just change your habits. It changes your relationships, your confidence, and the way you see yourself and that can make people around you uncomfortable. I’m talking about the moment you realize you’re evolving, but others still treat you like the version of you they remember. Give yourself permission to evolve and accept that you won’t be for everybody. 

If you’re on a self-development journey and you’re worried you’re “changing too much,” this one is your reminder to stay authentic, honor your gifts, and keep walking your path. 

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Transcript

Why Growth Feels Uncomfortable

SPEAKER_00 0:00

And I want to talk about that. I want to talk about how you should give yourself permission to evolve and be okay with not being for everybody. What's up everybody, and thank you for listening to Mastering the Mindset. My name is Darius Dotch, and I'm an actor, hip-hop artist, and fitness and life coach. And I'm here to personally help you train and improve your mindset so that you can one become the best version of yourself mentally, and two, gain focus and motivation to be able to take action and achieve the success in life that you want and deserve. Before we get started, please like and subscribe to my channel. And at the end of this episode, if you liked it, please share it with a friend or loved one or someone who will benefit from hearing this message. I'm so glad you're here and I'm ready to go on this journey with you. And that journey begins now. Alright, alright. Welcome back to another episode. Thank y'all so much for being here. Uh, if you are on YouTube, go ahead and like and subscribe to the channel. If you're on a podcast platform, please leave me a review. Also, I gave y'all an easier way to uh support your boy. You can buy me a cup of coffee. I left a link in the description. Just click on that link. It's a picture of a cup of coffee. Buy me a cup of coffee. If you know me, you know I love coffee. Coffee, coffee, coffee. Anyway, let's

Permission To Evolve

SPEAKER_00 1:24

jump in. Today I want to talk about this topic because, like I always say, you are the kind of person that's listened to this podcast. So eventually, if you haven't seen any changes already, eventually, as you keep working on yourself and the way you do things and the actions you take and change in the way you think, eventually you will start to grow, you will start to evolve. And I want to talk about that. I want to talk about how you should give yourself permission to evolve and be okay with not being for everybody. Whether you were an entrepreneur or you started a business or you decided to really go hard at something at work or you decided to just simply work on yourself and better yourself. Whatever it may be, we have to learn to give ourselves permission to evolve and to evolve around people. Even if they don't understand it, even if they still have the old version of you stuck in their memory card, in their memory bank. Even if you are in a season where you don't even have it all together. In a season where you've been taking the action and maybe you've seen some progress, and in that progress and gaining knowledge, you realize, damn, you know what? I still have so much to do, so much to work on myself. Even in that season, a season of everything feeling so far away from being accomplished or complete, you are still evolving, and other people they won't be able to see it or tell because it's something they can't see. Can't nobody see that you've grown mentally unless that person truly, truly, deeply knows you. You could be in a season where you feel that pull, that stretch of working towards something, and it's hard, and you just mentally are in a different space, and nobody has a clue what's going on with you mentally and growth-wise. And it's good, and it's good to talk about this, and for us to dive into this topic because it's definitely something that I wish I would have had in my tool belt when I first started my journey. It's also important to normalize these feelings, to make ourselves be okay with that mental stretch, that change, that uncertainty. That way, by default, or to be okay with the way that by default, some of our relationships with friends and family is gonna change. It just does. And it's good to have these conversations with yourself so when you are in that evolution season, you don't feel like there's something wrong with you. Like there's something that you're doing that's making these relationships change. We need to make sure that you are not downplaying your potential because you're worried about offending somebody else, or that you end up building and working towards creating a life that ain't really aligned for you. Because you get caught up in trying to mimic the way somebody else thinks you should show up.

Handling Unasked For Criticism

SPEAKER_00 4:16

And the reason why this podcast came up for me this time is because I was uh thinking and reflecting back on my music journey, and I remembered it was around the time I first started putting out music. Uh well, when I first started to get serious about music, and I'll be honest, when I first started, I was a whole lot more vulgar than I am now. I mean, I still curse, I still say the N-word, I still make sexual references and punchlines, but not nearly as much as I used to. I pulled way back. And the music, it was still good. I knew the music was good. I had no doubts about that. My only hesitations I had was the sound back then, right? I didn't have any equipment. All I had was a laptop. Yeah, it's just a laptop, not even a microphone. I was recording into the built-in laptop, the built-in microphone in the laptop. But like I said, the music was still good. Um, but when I tell you, as I sit here and I reflect on all the people, and okay, I said all the people, it ain't that many people. But at that time, whenever somebody would say something, it felt like a whole lot of people. But there were some folks that had feedback about my music that I didn't ask for, nor did I want I didn't want to hear it. It was negative feedback about me cursing, about me talking about sex in the ways that I was. And I ain't gonna lie, I did have a few sexually explicit lyrics. One might even say I was a little bit vulgar. Oh, I was vulgar. But a few things about this. One, I was offended. I felt like these folks that had this negative feedback, they wasn't being fair. I felt like they was holding me to a standard that they don't even hold their own favorite artists to, like the superstars, right? How you gonna have a problem with me cursing in my own music? I ain't the first person to cuss in to curse when they rap. I ain't the first person to talk about sex in a song. So why is it such a problem for me? I don't rap about drugs or violence or bitches and hoes, excuse my language. My music actually has a message. Excuse me. My music has a message, it has a meaning, right? And if you're somebody that told me this in the past, I promise you, I'm not talking about you. I'm serious, I'm not talking about you. That person who was telling me this, uh, this is way back then, and I know they are not listening to this podcast right now. Trust me, I'm not talking about you if you listen to me. But not only was it negative feedback, that it wasn't fair, in my opinion, but it was coming from folks who don't even listen to the genre of hip-hop that I'm in. Don't even listen to my style of rap. So they wasn't even qualified to give me an opinion. That'll be like me telling somebody that their country song was too provocative. Right? Country ain't a genre that I listen to. So that's number one. Two, thank God I was confident enough in myself to not let that keep me from making more music. That I didn't let that make me change up who I was. I kept going. Now, did I evolve and eventually tone it back with the language? Yes, but that what that was not because of them, that was because of me. I realized that I was using cuss words as a crutch. And I noticed that the less I cussed, the songs were better. I was forced to use better words, use different words, to think different ways, right? And work harder at making that lyric I was going for work. And like I said, luckily I knew I was talented enough and I knew I was evolving even back then. Because the fact that I was getting negative feedback at all, it means it was good. The fact that they were holding me to a high standard, a higher standard than a lot of major artists out there who came before me, who did it way before me, it means that they care enough about my talent to give me some feedback. Because if I sucked, they wouldn't say anything. Right? They would have feel they'd be like, okay, well, he ain't gonna make it no way, and keep their comment to themselves. And thank God I understood that. And I kept going, and thank God I didn't try and make my artistry and how I express myself lyrically cater to anybody else, cater to those negative negative opinions. I had to just keep doing me. And I'm gonna keep it 100 with y'all. Did I get defensive? Yep. Like, who in the hell made you my agent? Who in the hell made you my manager? And I'm sitting back reflecting on this, and it brought up to the front of my mind that this is a common thing for a lot of folks to struggle with.

Stop Dimming Your Light

SPEAKER_00 8:46

Getting feedback like this, and deciding that you have to change your identity or how you show up in order to make somebody else happy. And another big thing that folks do when it comes to our journey is they dim their light so that they don't outshine the folks whose light ain't as bright as theirs. We can have the feeling of not wanting to be the person who makes somebody feel inferior because of what they don't have or what they can't do. You ever been there? You have this light, whatever that light may be. It could be a talent, it could be a promotion, it could be your physique, it could be your beautiful home, it could be your career. Maybe it's the fact that you just have more experience in things than the next person does. And out of fear of you making them feel less than, you downplay your success, or you don't talk about it, or you just don't let that light of yours shine. And I'll be the first person to tell you to tell you that I am 100% guilty of this. When it comes to the things that I do with this podcast and my career and the overall positivity and the light that I want to spread in my community with who I am and the messages I put out. There was a time where I would kind of downplay all the things I got going on, all the things I do. The message, the post I make, the email list of folks that I send positivity emails to every week. People would give me my flowers and tell me how they love what I'm doing, how they see I posted something or said something that really resonated with them, and it was exactly what they needed to hear, and I would kind of make it smaller than what it really was by not really embracing the fact that, hey, you are making a difference. You should really be extremely proud of the man you are becoming. And don't get me wrong, I am proud, and I do understand that I am or was making a difference, but that imposter syndrome was sitting in, settling in my head, and making me think that, hey, anybody can do this. In my head, I was operating under the thought process that, hey, I decided to do I decided to do it one day, anybody else can. And while, yes, that's true, anybody technically can decide to do a podcast exactly like the one I do, and there are hundreds of podcasts just like this one out there, but that don't mean but that don't mean that they are me. That they will have the same impact I have, that they'll reach the specific people I'm reaching, that they would have reached you. Hell. Or that this podcast thing is it is even in their path at all. Right? It doesn't mean that this path wasn't chosen for me and I'm walking in it. And I shouldn't ever dim that light. You should never feel like you are making somebody feel inferior by talking about your light. Now don't confuse that with bragging. That's a whole different thing. But we can feel uncomfortable about talking about our success when we feel like it'll make the next person feel bad about whatever they have or don't have. You can't control how somebody else feels about themselves. You can't. If you ain't being an asshole and putting them down, you can't control how somebody else feels about themselves. And you also can't control what they do with their life. All you can do is walk in your light and hopefully they can see you and be inspired by you to want to do more. Bottom line, just be you. Just do you. Just walk in your light and in your path. So, like I said in the beginning, I say it again, it's okay to not be for everyone, for everybody. As you grow, as you have more experiences, as you do more, as you accomplish more, you can't help but to evolve and change. There is no way you will be the same.

Outgrowing People And Grief

SPEAKER_00 12:43

And look, I don't think you understand how much of a rarity you are. Yes, you. Do you realize that most people you know will never even attempt to work on themselves? Most people are either content with who they are and don't even realize that they have things to work on, because we all do, or they're content with who they are because they just don't want to do the work. And unfortunately, the reality for most people is they don't do the work because they don't even know about the work. They don't even understand these things about themselves the way you understand yourself and your mind. And self-development is not for everybody, it's just not. You are unique, you are a unique person, especially if you try and implement these things in your life. Because don't get me wrong, I appreciate you listening, but it don't do me no good if you don't do the things we talk about. And like I always say, this ain't that kind of podcast where I'm this millionaire and I'm telling you, like, hey, do it like I did, and you'll be successful. No, I'm on this journey with you. I'm implementing these things in my life in real time, and I can honestly say I've seen so much growth. I've gained so much more understanding about the way I think and the things that I should be able to operate, uh, the things I should be able to do and change to have me operate at a higher level. So just know that as you keep going on this self-development journey and you're changing the way you think, the fact that you are probably the only one of your friends or in your family that's doing this, there's a good chance you'll start to see a difference. And that's okay. Keep doing what's best for you. Don't water down your excitement or who you're becoming to try and make somebody else feel included. The season of your life that you are in right now, this season is yours. Nobody else will have your season. Maybe similar, but yours is unique to you. And it's important to remind ourselves that there will be seasons in our lives where we won't feel as much connection with some folks who we're close to. And also understand that change, change, it can feel like grief at times. What do I mean? Well, because when you change, you lose things, you lose the old, you lose the familiar. And in some cases, it can be the connection, the closeness, the way things used to be with a person. And that grief, it actually may not feel like grief because for the most part, we only think of grief in terms of death, right? But it shows up with change. And that grief, that feeling you get when you start to realize that things are different. That can make you feel like you're not actually evolving, that you're going backwards or that you're doing something wrong. Understand, you may feel like you're letting some people down when you evolve, and that could possibly be the case. That could possibly be true. But on the other side of it, you will attract the folks that are perfect for the season that you're stepping into. And those people will need you to be your evolved self. They will need you to be who you truly are, and vice versa. Because the season you're stepping into or going to step into, it might not be the same vision as other people. They might not see you as that kind of person. When you start to grow, what can happen is you can outgrow people's perception of you. When you start to grow, you can outgrow people's perception of you. They've always known you as one way, but now that you're changing, they can't see it. They might think you're acting funny. Or that you changed in a negative way. Or maybe you think you all that. When in reality, you just ain't the same old you no more. And the thing is, what you're going after, the thing that you were going after might not align with where they are and what they want in their lives. And you just gotta go for it anyway. Create it anyway. Take that step anyway. Don't water yourself down. Honor the gift that you have been given, honor that light that you have, honor that drive inside of you. Be authentic and trust that there are people out there watching you that need to see you. That person who you are, who looks like you, who are doing exactly the things you are doing, walking that path you're walking. They need you to be you. So that's what I got for

Support The Show And Share

SPEAKER_00 17:19

y'all today. Thank y'all for listening. Uh, like I said, please support this podcast. You can buy your boy a cup of coffee. I left the link in the description to give me some support, it helps me keep this thing going. Um, please share this uh episode if you think this would help a friend or family member. Share it on um your social medias and make sure you tag me in it. Let's go ahead and get to this

Unreleased Track Stubborn

SPEAKER_00 17:42

music. I got another unreleased song for y'all. This one is called Stubborn. Let's ride out. Just watch how you talk to me is not a full stuff. When lip out of my view is dumped in. I'm in with you, call it okay to what I'm still. I'm in with you, callin' it okay to what I'm gonna put in my way, uh my stage. No, you can't put me in my blade out of the maze. I spill it like I am not liking the taste. Uh we're too slow, yeah. Planin' my seeds and water my base. Stay out of my way, no man the calm, but you let the pain, then me alone, I follow my stage. Stopin' that starting, but I get a must. Stoppin' that stuff, though waiting. I'm feeling if you do me wrong. I'm catching the case. Stoppin' that stomach, but I do not care but you're stuck out of the story, go have a good day. Stop in that stomach. Dream chasing got a nigga sleepy, I'm a babe. We had way too many bad days. You can see it, I'm all in my face. I'm living stressin' on top of depression, but I don't say nothing. Then I'm keep guessing. That's why she texting me, are you okay? I said I'm good, are you on the way? Lay livin' hustlin' faster. It was my goal to pick up the pennies. Now let's still not make them name a blaze. I'm like I know, I'ma first place. I ain't wanna shine it, uh Wanna get ready, but don't wanna climb it. That's not like that. My only regret was wasting my time. My second regret for being so stubborn. My toothback, one of this fuck it. I ain't wanna mama left fuss. I ain't wanna mama left. Just watch how you talk to me, I'm gonna put it. I'm in with you, I'm it you oh face me with stuff. I'm in with you, I'm in your own face to bulletin stuff. Shut up when you talk to me, shut up when you talk to me. I don't wanna hear your mom but see your face. I don't need your help anyway. Believe I will be straight. I'm putting it all on my plate, get it done in plenty ways, plenty days. I'm outdoing them niggas, but I keep it cool. I'm gonna need to flip. You ain't a threat. I'm humble, so all I require from you is respect. Put to my chest. That's how I play my cards, get off my deck. She tell me you too close out. I see you sound like my ex, none of this. I'm learning some things about me now. I need to check, but I need some text. Let's talk about me later. I need some rest, I need the best. And the vote and expressing my feelings, protecting my feelings, especially when it's this time of my life. When I'm working on me, and as God is my witness, I'm working death. Let me slow down. Rollin' the top, snipe, wait no me to say I'm stuck with fight. Look, my nigga, I'm good. I swear I don't need no advice. Yep, I'm my light. Yep. Switch how you talk to me, it's not a full stuff. Callin' what you callin', yeah, okay to what I'm stumping. Get on my way, uh shoot for the moon, ended up turning into a star. Now I'm out of space, yeah. So no, you can't put me in my face, yeah.