For Anxiety

Anxiety can sometimes feel like it comes out of nowhere. One minute you’re okay. The next minute, you feel really nervous. Your heart may beat fast. You may even sweat, feel weak or tired, and breathe harder. It’s hard to stop thinking about what’s making you worried or scared. Anxiety doesn’t just hurt because of what might happen. It hurts because your brain keeps replaying the same looping thoughts with no place to put them. I get real about that feeling and share a practical strategy that helps us interrupt anxious spirals without pretending we can “cure” anxiety overnight. The goal is progress.

Transcript

Opening Verse And Theme

SPEAKER_01 0:00

And unfortunately, everybody deals with some sort of anxiety somehow or some fashion. And the easiest thing to do is to do nothing. And we all know doing nothing ain't gonna help you. But what will help you is if you losing myself and finding my strength came to the conclusion that I want it all. Feeling that pressure of tryna do better. I wanna reach heights, but too scared to fall. Too scared of failure, way more scared of feeling regret. I'm not even trying, that's terrifying. I understand that chasing my goals, I bury my clocks because it takes time. I gotta go. I already know. If I wanna grow, you reap what you sow. That be the case. Planting my seeds, I water my base. Yeah, I make mistakes. Yeah, I know you grow in your garden, but watch for the snakes. The people that act like you're crazy for trying it, they far away. They don't think it's possible, I think it's possible. That is just hate. If they hate themselves, cause they on the shelf. While you create a life that you love.

SPEAKER_00 0:57

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:59

A life that you love. Loving the fact to improving yourself. Decided that you would not settle. Decided that you got the drive to do it. The road got bumping your foot on the pedal. You go up a level, you turn up whenever it's time for you to go put in that work. I know my worth. I know it ain't gonna be easy, yeah. I know it hurt, but hangers for sure. Yeah. Until it put me in this earth. Before I ride in that hearse, I'm chasing my goals. I'm chasing my goals.

SPEAKER_00 1:31

Loving the effect to improving yourself. Decided that you were not settled, decided that you got the drive to do it to go. Got more put on the cutter. I'm fixing my goals.

Welcome And Ways To Support

SPEAKER_01 1:40

Alright, and welcome back to yet another episode. Thank y'all so much for being here. If you are on YouTube, please go ahead and like and subscribe my channel. Like right now, it takes you one second. Just like it, subscribe it. It helps me out a lot. If you're on a podcast platform, please leave me a review. Also, I left y'all a better way to be able to support me. I left a link in the description. You can buy your boy a cup of coffee. Like I always say, I love coffee. I drink it every day. Support me, just buy your boy a cup of coffee to help me get this to help me keep this thing going for y'all. Let's go ahead and dive in though. Today we're

Building A Practical Anxiety Toolbox

SPEAKER_01 2:14

gonna talk about a strategy that will get you out of that anxious thinking when you find yourself feeling anxious. Now, before we dive in, like I always say, this ain't a podcast where I say, hey, look at me, I haven't figured it all out, so do what I say. No, I don't. I'm going, I'm doing a lot of this stuff with you. I'm going on these journeys with you. And this is definitely one I've been working on in real time. But I have been using these strategies, and I can personally tell you that over time, if you make the effort to work on it, they do work. And I don't want you to believe that these strategies are gonna make you perfect and rid you from all your anxiety because that just ain't feasible. But what we are gonna do is to have some things for our tool built, things we can use in those situations, right? And over time, that time of anxiety will become shorter and shorter and shorter and be way more manageable to get through.

Awareness And Self-Development Anxiety

SPEAKER_01 3:11

So the first thing we need to know, which is probably the most important part of it all, is awareness. Being aware in the moment that, okay, you know that, you know what I feel. I feel it. I'm feeling anxious right now. And not to be like, oh my god, what's happening? I don't know what's going on. The thing is to be aware. And the thing about being aware, they say ignorance is bliss, right? They say that for a reason because it's true. If you don't know about something, then you don't have the awareness to be worried about it. And that's part of this journey that we're on, right? When you focused on personal development and growth and focusing on yourself, you're gonna become aware of some things that you need to work on. And by doing that, by becoming aware of these things, what could happen is we could start to think that these are things that are quote unquote wrong with us. And again, ignorance is bliss. We didn't think about these things because we wasn't even aware of them. And it's important to know that it's not that these things are wrong with us, but that these are things we need to improve on. Because at the end of the day, these are things that are just given to us by life. We didn't do anything wrong to have some of these things. We are just aware of them, and in reality, everybody has these things or has things. For example, one of the biggest things I need to work on is stepping outside my comfort zone. I always say this, and I always have to work on it, and I am constantly working on it. But for the kind of growth I'm seeking in my career, I need to get comfortable being uncomfortable and really getting out of my comfort zone in several areas. And before I got on this journey of self-development, I didn't realize that, or at least I didn't realize how important it was, and how many different ways and areas I needed to improve on stepping outside my comfort zone. And again, it's not that something is wrong with me. I just need to work on it.

Comfort Zone And Perfectionism Trap

SPEAKER_01 5:06

But a big area and uh I'm getting better at it, with my a big area in my comfort zone that I'm getting better at is being so precious with anything I'm working on when I feel like it ain't quote unquote done or perfect or ready to share, especially with this hip-hop play I'm writing. I'm to the point now where I need to let people read it and listen to it. I need that feedback. I need to hear other people read it, to hear it come out of somebody else's mouth, to see how they interpret it, how it lands on them. Instead of just waiting and tweaking and tweaking and editing and editing until I finally feel like it's perfect and ready to be heard. That's a comfort zone I'm getting better at stepping outside of. Even though I feel anxious about sharing it, I still am learning to step outside the comfort zone. And the same is true for all of us, right? Anxiety comes from your thoughts. It's not that you were born with it. It ain't that uh it's a chemical imbalance inside you. It's not something that you are stuck with, it's not built in your DNA. It's 100% something you can work on and something you can work yourself out of. You don't have to be stuck there forever. And that's important to understand and to know that it can get better. So be aware of these moments, of those things and times when you get anxious. And what you should do, and this really works, is to understand this. Like

Write It Down To Untangle Thoughts

SPEAKER_01 6:34

I said, anxiety comes from your thoughts, from your thoughts. Those thoughts are in your head. And those thoughts will be much easier if you got them out of your head, if you put them down on pen and pad, so you're able to see them. Like I always say, if you're trying to solve a complicated math problem, it's way easier to write out that math problem on pen and paper to solve it rather than trying to solve it all in your head. Why? Because if it's complicated, it makes it easier to solve it when you can look at it and actually see it. Same thing when trying to solve all the complicated feelings and problems with your anxiety. It'll be way easier to put those thoughts down on paper and working them out that way. These thoughts can't stay in your head. They get, or they are, way too complex. You have feelings about this issue, feelings about this issue, or thoughts about that deadline, or feelings about this person, or nervousness about that email. And it will really get complicated when some of those things are connected to each other, right? And related to each other. And if you don't put these things on pen and paper, it'll be way harder to work on them. You need to see these issues in front of you. So I'm gonna give you a little formula, a guideline, or a guide that you can use when you're feeling anxious, when you're feeling these anxious moments. And again, things that I have been doing, things that I have researched and doing in real time with you, and things that I know do work. Right? Become aware of it. So the first thing you should do, or the first thing I did is I became aware of it, and I say, okay, what are you feeling anxious about? And I write it down. And that's the first question. What am I feeling anxious about? And then you write that thing down, and then that complicated math problem starts getting that much easier. It's in front of you, and you can see it. You can work on it a lot easier. When it's in your head, it's not in front of you. Once you identify it and you can look at it, you're on the right track. And sometimes just by identifying it, it'll relieve some of that anxiety by default. Because now you have named what it is. It's not just a feeling that's roaming around in your head. And especially if you write it down and you get to the source of what's truly making you anxious, you might figure out that what you thought was the reason is actually not the real reason at all. It's something else. And that could be a relief for you, right? For example, let's say you were planning a holiday dinner and you anxious about it, and you write down all the things that make you anxious about it. And you might come to the realization that cooking all the food and getting the house ready for guests that actually ain't what's making you nervous. It's the fact that your Aunt Charlene, she coming and she makes you feel less than because of how judgmental she is. Right? And your anxiety around everything else stems from her. And by dealing with the things that makes you have anxiety around her, it's going to alleviate pressure from having to worry about all the other things that go into hosting and um hosting a holiday party. Because I don't know if you have ever done that, but it is a lot of work. And once you figure that part out, you can create a strategy and be able to work around it. Identify what that anxiety is, write it down, and now you're able to see it. Now you can name what it really is. So that's the first question.

Worst Case Versus Best Case

SPEAKER_01 9:51

What am I anxious about? Next question to ask yourself, what's the worst that could happen? A lot of times, and maybe even most of the time, we picture things being way worse than it actually is in our heads. I mean, way worse. You ever noticed that? I know you do. We all do it. It's never as bad as it was in our heads, especially after I look back at something that happened years ago, right? It was never as bad as I thought it was. And what's happening here is our brain is trying to keep us safe and tries to make us avoid as much of the unknown as possible. And this is a fact. Psychologists have studied this, and they say that 85% of the things we worry about never actually happen. 85%. 85% of the time, the things we waste our time worrying on never happens. And we'll feel like 99% of the time, it's not as bad as we imagine it to be. And so when you sit down and you write out what you have anxiety over, and you write out what's the worst that could happen, you realize that it's not anywhere near as bad. And you realize, okay, I'm really just feeling this anxiety because my Aunt Charlene is coming. And okay, what's the worst that's gonna happen? She'll say something rude or judgmental, and in reality, it ain't that big of a deal because that's just who they are, and they have to live with themselves being that way. And after a few hours, she's gonna be gone, and my life will be back to normal, and I'll be just fine. Will it be annoying? Will it piss me off? Probably. But she don't live here, right? And she taking her ass home and you will identify that and feel some relief that, yeah, that's not as bad as I initially was thinking it was gonna be. So, those first two questions. Identifying what it is and identifying how bad it could actually get will for most problems alleviate most of that anxiety. The third thing you should ask yourself is what's the best that could happen? Now that you looked at the worst, switch to the polar opposite and figure out what would happen in a best case scenario. It's important to show yourself the other side of it and think about how this other outcome could actually happen as well. Because our brains will majority of the time go to the negative. It's how we're wired, it's how we programmed as humans. And if we keep letting it go there, it's only gonna make us more anxious. So consciously dial it back and say, okay, here are all the best things that can happen. Maybe my auntie Charlene will come and be in a great mood. Or she'll come in and it's gonna be a good time because sometimes she really is a good time. She can come, have a lot of fun, we all have an amazing night, she won't be rude, and I won't have any problems. And that's the best thing that could happen. And now I've looked at both ends of the spectrum, the op the absolute, the absolute best and the absolute worst. And I know that in reality, it's gonna fall somewhere in the middle. And that should be a relief. After you roll it all out, and you realize, okay, it won't be this bad, you roll it all out, you realize, okay, it's a good chance it won't be this good. That middle ground of what will actually happen will be somewhat of a reality check for yourself, and you will feel less anxiety because it ain't that bad in the first place.

Choose The Next Best Action

SPEAKER_01 13:15

And the fourth thing you should ask yourself is what is the next best step to make me feel better? And I feel like this is the most important step. What is the next best step that you can take? What is an action right now, in this moment, something that I could do? Whatever time it is, sometimes we wake up in the middle of the night with anxious thoughts and feelings. So at 4 o'clock in the morning, what can I do right now? Or just before people show up, my guests show up. What can I do right now? What can I do next to work through this feeling? What is the next best step? Do I call my auntie Charlene and talk to her before she gets here? Build that rapport with her? Do I put on a um uh a motivational video or music? Do I meditate? Do I do something that makes me happy? Maybe I do a reflection exercise and look at all the good things I've been doing or that's been happening for me. Maybe you go for a run or do something physical. When I first understood that I had developed anxiety, I used to, it used to wake me up in the middle of the night out of my sleep, and I would wake up feeling like I needed to be somewhere. Or that feeling of having this great big old responsibility that I procrastinated on, and now whatever that responsibility is, is due tomorrow, right? That this this feeling like something is about to happen that I ain't that I'm not prepared for. And that might not make sense to a lot of people, but to the ones listening to me right now that have ever felt anxiety, you know what I mean. And what I did in those moments is I had to have a talk with myself to tell myself that I'm okay, that this feeling is just in my brain, that I'm capable of damning anything, I remind myself that I'm strong. That even if I did have some responsibility, which I don't, that I will be able to handle it because I always do. And I focus on my breathing and I deal with it that way. But whatever it may be, maybe you call a friend, that person that you confide in. We all have that person, right? So again, we've identified the culprit of our anxiety, we've identified the worst that could happen, the best that could happen now, we just need to take some action. So this is just a very simple formula. There is nobody in this world that will never ever feel some kind of anxiety or stress. And these questions and steps are things you can have in your toolbox in the future. Because the easiest thing to do, well, not the easiest on your brain, but the easiest thing to do is to do nothing and let your anxiety take over. That's not gonna help you. What will help you is if you actively work through it. Just like that anxiety is working on you, in those moments, you need to work on it. So, the four questions. What am I feeling anxious about? What's the worst that could happen? What's the best that could happen? And finally, what's the next best action that I could take that will help me get through this anxiety? And that is how you work through

Recap Plus Sharing The Episode

SPEAKER_01 16:15

it. So that's what I got for y'all today. Do your boy a favor and support the channel. You can buy me a cup of coffee. I left a link in the description to do that. Like I always say, I love coffee. I need some coffee right now. As a matter of fact, I am tired. It's been a long week. Also, share this um episode with somebody that you think would be would would benefit from hearing this message. I'm tired as you can tell. Uh share it to your social media. Make sure you tag me in it. So,

Hip-Hop Play Preview And The Grio

SPEAKER_01 16:41

speaking of anxiety and pushing through my anxiety, uh, I'm going to share something from my hip-hop play. Uh, again, uh feeling anxiety around it because I feel like uh I'm just getting better at sharing it, even though I don't feel like it is at its completion. But I am to the point where I do need to just share it and get comfortable sharing it. So I'm practicing it right now, even though y'all can't really give me feedback because y'all just listen to it. But anyway, so uh this character that I wrote for myself in the play, which I'm going to be the lead in the play, he is called The Grio. And the Grio travels throughout the play and throughout time, and he talks directly to the audience and with God. Uh and the point of his character is to represent, even though he embodies different people, he represents the black, he represents black people, black culture, black experiences. Right? He is one, he is all, he is the first, he is the last. He's all of them. Everyone is a grio in their own mind, but he is all of black culture. And uh but the song I'm playing for y'all, he's talking to the audience, and as the song goes along, you realize that you are actually in a therapy session, and there are two other characters in this therapy session with the grio. Um, I don't want to talk too much about it. I'll just let you figure out what's happening as it's happening. Uh, so there's a this is a three-person song. Obviously, you will only hear my voice because I recorded it myself. But I could talk about another five minutes about this, so I'm just gonna let it play and let y'all hear it.

Dream Therapy Performance

SPEAKER_01 18:18

Here it is. The song is called, actually, I don't know what it's called. Right now I'm calling it dream therapy. Anyway, let's ride out. Traveling through the ethos from the beginning of our creation of our dreams, protected in echoes of our ancestor shadows. They grow wings, wings strong enough to carry the weight of trauma and pain from the harbors we've seen. So your eyes have to be closed to see the vision God put in us. Don't you dare be afraid of dusk. We rejoice for the night, for it is here with dreams happen in the darkest hours just before there is light. Our ancestors teach us to dream, dreams to light. Don't you hear the whispers? I know it's to better me. But I don't need no therapy. Okay, say more about that. What exactly are you telling me? You heard what I just said? I don't need you all in my head, man. I don't need no therapy. Okay. Say more about that. What exactly are you telling me? Please, you know what I mean? And why you wanna know about my dreams? Yes, let's talk about your dreams. Dreams, dreams, yes, dreams. You a young black man, it's something that you need. Let's talk about your dreams. Dreams, dreams, yes, dreams. Oh my god. So dreams can be therapeutic. Just a second, let's begin this year. And tell me, what are the dreams? A simple question complicated answer. Cause I dream of the American dream. I wanna give my kids things that they never have seen. I don't wanna faster like a trip to Bahamas. I just wanna pick a fix and happy wife and happy life, and watch my favorites clamor, and take holiday photos and match pajamas. That's probably what it feels like to be the Obamas. The American dream. It's not my African American reality. I'ma talk about it for the sake of my sanity. Every damn day I got my deep gravity. I can't let it hold me down. I grew up in poverty, my life was no quality, but I can't let that hold me down. I suffer the violence. My manhood told me to be silent, but I can't let that hold me down. I gotta come on a nickel by a cracker. I can't see this thing, my life matter. But I can't let that hold me down. My life made me harder. I gotta stay soft for my daughter. Let that hold me down. So it's a violence. So tell me what dreams. I'm gonna tap up on my dreams and melody symbols, dreamless people. It's a simple dream that's a side. I'm scared to make this mic, I'm scared. I can breathe, listen, I don't like this feeling.