"It's Just How I Am" Is B.S. Here's Why

The fastest way to stay stuck is to keep saying “that’s just how I am” and never do anything about it. The truth is, your beliefs are built by you and can feel permanent. Another truth; you can change them without pretending life is easy. Self-perception is a powerful lens for understanding how your attitudes, feelings, and self-image come from watching your own behavior. The key is deciding what that behavior means. 

Transcript

Opening Lyrics On Ambition

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Losing myself and finding my strength came to the conclusion that I want it all. Feeling that pressure of tryna do better. I wanna reach heights, but too scared to fall. Too scared of failure. Way more scared of feeling regret. I'm not even trying, that's terrifying. I understand that chasing my goals, I bury my clocks because it takes time. I gotta go. I already know. If I wanna grow, you reap what you sow. That be the case. Planting my seeds and water my base. Yeah, I made mistakes. Yeah, I know you grow in your garden, but watch for the snakes. The people that act like you're crazy for trying this, they far away. They don't think it's possible, I think it's possible. That it's just hate. If they hate themselves, cause they on the shelf. While you create a life that you love.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

A life that you love. Loving the fact you're improving yourself. Decided that you wouldn't settle. Decided that you got the drive to do it. The road got bumping your foot on the pedal. You go up a level, you turn up whenever. It's time for you to go put in that work. I know my work, huh? I know it ain't gonna be easy, yeah. I know it hurt, but thing is for sure. Yeah. Until it put me in this earth. Before I ride in that hearse, I'm chasing my goals.

SPEAKER_00 1:15

I'm chasing my goals. Loving the facts to improving yourself. Decided that you in a settle. Decided that you got the drive to do it to go. Got more foot on the cutter. I'm chasing my goals.

Welcome And Support Links

SPEAKER_01 1:29

Alright, and welcome back to another episode. Thank y'all so much for being here. If you are on YouTube, go ahead and like and subscribe to the channel. If you are on a podcast platform, please leave me a review, a positive one, if you really feel like this uh episode and this podcast is doing good things for you if you like it. Also, please support your boy. I left uh links in the description. It's very easy for you to show me some support. You can buy me a cup of coffee. I love coffee, uh, it helps me keep this thing going. All donations of any amount are greatly appreciated. So thank you in advance. Let's

Self-Perception Theory Basics

SPEAKER_01 2:07

go ahead and dive in. Today we're gonna talk about how you can change your beliefs in order to hit your potential. We're gonna dive into something I came across called the self-perception theory, and we're gonna take a deep dive and look at who we are as a person, and we're all on this self-improvement journey. And one of the main things you need in order to get any progress or to be able to make any changes is you have to have self-awareness. And what I'm gonna do today is help you to truly understand yourself more within the framework of the self-perception theory. Self-perception, how you perceive yourself when you look at yourself, when you think about yourself. So this theory comes from psychologist Daryl Bem. I think I said that right, back in 1972. And the theory basically says that we develop our attitude, our beliefs, and our feelings based off observing our behaviors and come to conclusions about ourselves on what on what made us act and think and respond the way we did. So introspection and self-observation. A lot of times we can do things and we don't actually think about why we're doing them, how it's affecting us, how it's affecting our mindsets, our lives, other people. And a lot of times we don't take a step back and ask ourselves, is this something I want to keep doing? We be like, oh yeah, well, that's just me. That's just how I am. It's how I always been. I always been a little angry, I always had a short fuse, that's just who I am. And that ain't true. That ain't who you are. That ain't at the root of who you are as a person. That's who you decided to be, who you chose to become over some period of time. And nothing is set in stone, right? Also, you wasn't born that way. Things happen along your life that got you here. If there's something about your life or something about yourself that you don't like, you can decide to change it. You can. Same thing with your beliefs. Nothing will be the way that it is forever. Change is the only thing in the universe that's a forever constant. There will always be change. To think that you are the way you are and it's going to be that way forever, that's crazy. Your entire body changes every seven to ten years. Literally. Your cells and your body are constantly replacing themselves, all seven trillion of them. Your body replaces 330 billion cells per day. Your skin is completely replaced every few weeks. Your colon is replaced every three to five days. Your bones replace themselves. It takes your bones around 10 years to completely replace itself. So every 10 years, literally, your entire body is different. No part of you is the same except the way you choose to think and act. You are the one deciding to stay the same person, consciously and unconsciously. Either way, it's still a decision. But if you want to stay the same person, you probably wouldn't be listening to this podcast. The fact that you're here means that there is something you want to change, your life, your thoughts, your habits, your relationships, your goals, and how you attack them. So how do we use this self-perception theory? And it's kind of simple. You observe and question everything about yourself. Everything about yourself. You start to test the validity of all the thoughts you have. So maybe not that simple, but there is a quote that I came across and I like it.

Reading Your Label Outside The Jar

SPEAKER_01 5:33

The quote is When you're in the jar, you can't read your own label. When you're in the jar, you can't read your own label. Meaning when you're in your own mind, you can't actually step back and look at yourself and be perceptive of the things that you do every day. So we have to take ourselves out of the jar, out of our minds, and look at ourselves as if we're a different person. Looking back at our own self. Look at yourself in third person. You gotta say, okay, the way this person just reacted, that person being me, the way I just reacted to this thing, is that the kind of person I want to be? Is that how I would want to react to something like that? Is that who I truly am? Like, okay, so I got triggered by something. Is this the way I truly am? Do I want to be the kind of person who responds like

Owning Introversion Without Shame

SPEAKER_01 6:22

that? One of the things I had to do or change or that I'm working on changing is the way I regulate how I feel when it comes to my introverted side. Now, a lot of my friends and family members, they have big personalities, big energy, the outgoing, and I love that about them. I'm always telling folks, I got some dope friends, my family is amazing, and a lot of them can walk into a room and just light it up. Just light up a room just by walking into it. And I don't I feel like I don't have that, right? And I used to think that I needed to have that. I used to allow myself to feel like I was missing something, or that I needed to have that. Now I will say, and maybe some of y'all listening right now is calling BS, like, no, you are that. You are outgoing. I'll say this. I can be an extroverted introvert at times. I'm the most extroverted when I'm around the fellas, Sap and Mosley. I'm the most comfortable around them. But a lot of times, especially if I really don't know folks, or if I'm just not that comfortable, I'm gonna lay back. So I've been looking at the label on that jar and reminding myself that hey, that's okay. Me not having extroverted energy don't make me a lesser person, a lesser artist, a lesser actor, creator, a lesser man. I'm still a great person who is blessed with many talents, and I'm still out here trying to make a difference in the world and impact people with my music, theater, and this podcast and in fitness. And not to mention, it's been countless times that people done told me that by that my demeanor and the way I walk into a room has this level of confidence in knowing who I am and being sure in that, and that it makes folks want to know more. That I draw people in to me that way. So I'm more comfortable with myself in that way. I'm done feeling a certain type of way or a certain type of negative way around that topic. So read that label outside the jar. Self-perception, right? Things require, these things require a lot of reflection and looking inward. And most people won't do it. Most people can just be lazy and would rather do nothing, would rather think that they can't change and they don't even bother to attempt making change. Like I say all the time on here, the majority of the pup of the people you know won't ever try any kind of self-development, even when they know they should. So ask yourself, this thought process, is this who I want to be in the future? And if the answer is no, then you need to change it. But it takes work. And if you ain't going to do the work, I'm sorry to tell you, but you're wasting your time listening to me. You might as well listen to something that'll make you feel better or do something else. But I know you will do the work. It's why you're here.

Triggers Reveal Where You’re Stuck

SPEAKER_01 9:01

Uh but uh this self-perception works because it pulls up two psychological principles. One is cognitive dissonance, and the second one is influential insight. Influential insight. That's definitely something I had to do some research on. Uh but with cognitive dissonance, it's having this tension that pops up when you're when your behaviors or the things that you say about yourself conflict with your attitude or your personality or with who you believe yourself to be, with your beliefs in some kind of way. Cognitive dissonance is a good thing to have because it shows you where you're stuck, right? Now, influential insight, it's uh basically your ability to place meaning or conclusions on those observations. You have the observation, whether it's a cognitive dissonance or any regular observation about who you are and what you believe, and then you come to a conclusion about what it all means. So let's say you have a moment of cognitive dissonance, right? Something happens to you, and uh that's the opposite of what you believe yourself to be. So let's say you go in to work or you go to the store or you meet with a friend or you're out in public somewhere, and either something happens or somebody says something to you, and you get triggered. You feel that dissonance, you feel that thing inside you that disrupts your peace. You feel like that situation you're in don't really align with your worth. And that's a big one. So let's say you went from having a cool day to now something inside you ain't happy no more. You might be pissed off, might be anxious, might be sad, might be irritated, fearful, whatever it may be. These moments are some of the best moments to show you who you are. Being triggered shows you where you're stuck. Everybody tries to go through life, and that's including me. You try to go through life without ever feeling triggered, feeling that strong cognitive dissonance. But again, it shows you where you're not free. So ask yourself, why am I triggered? And first, take a second to calm yourself down. Like that saying says, that when emotions run high, logic runs low. And that's true. Science shows this is facts. When your emotions are high, angry, sad, anxious, frustrated, your logic is low. And what happens is when you get when you get this way, it turns off a part of your brain called the prefrontal cortex. You end up not getting as much blood to your prefrontal cortex and you don't actually think as well. It's where your executive functioning comes from. That's why people get in ugly arguments and end up saying things that they regret a few hours later because logic is low. Then you end up thinking to yourself that you never should have said that, you never should have let it get that far, but you did, and it's because your prefrontal cortex wasn't working at full capacity.

Calming The Brain Under Stress

SPEAKER_01 11:50

So again, the first thing you should do is calm yourself down, take deep breaths, remove yourself from that situation, and then start asking yourself questions. When you become triggered, become interested. When you become triggered, become interested. Say, hmm, okay, what is that? Take yourself out of the jar and read that label. Calm yourself down first, but then get curious. Why did I act like that? My boss said something that triggered me. Why? Figure out what's going on. What was I thinking? What led me to feel this way? Like, for example, my boss, let's say your boss said this, let's say my boss said this thing to me and it made me feel underappreciated, and I feel underappreciated because I've been busting my ass at work, and if I feel underappreciated, then I don't feel valued. And if my boss don't value me, then how long will I actually even be at this job? Right? Figure out what that thing is that happened inside you. And once you do, then question the validity of those thoughts. Like, okay, so my boss said this thing to me. Does that actually mean they don't find value in me as an employee? Does it actually mean I need to find a new job? Did they even mean it in the way I took it in the first place? Or am I just triggered because I'm tired, because I've been busting my ass for the past month? Then you say, okay, well, look at that. I'm figuring out that when I have a lot on my plate, I can find myself getting triggered when I don't feel like the work I'm doing is being appreciated. How do I get past that? How do I navigate these situations for the future? Because I'm a hardworking person and I'm good at my job, so what do I need to do in order to not be back here? And this could get uncomfortable. It can, especially if you start digging deeper on the more serio on more serious things that trigger you.

Old Wounds And Relationship Triggers

SPEAKER_01 13:40

You can wind up going down the road figuring out that some of the things from your childhood are manifesting themselves in you. Or things from you being a teenager. Hell, things from your past relationships. I know it and all been that done that, right? And I ain't gonna name no names, but I had an ex a long time ago that would talk to me crazy, like talk down to me. For example, uh me and my homeboy was chilling, talking, just being us, clowning, joking, and I guess she had a bad day at work or something, which wasn't communicated to me. But anyway, out of nowhere, she was like, Man, shut the fuck up and walked out the room, just as loud and clear as day in front of my friend, right? Now that was the worst way she had ever talked to me, like that. Uh but we have had several arguments before that about the way she talked to me. And I ain't going for that. So of course, there was a big argument that day, and I felt myself, I feel myself, or I have felt myself, uh getting triggered in the past with other women who maybe jokingly said something like, Boy, get out my face, or boy bye, or are you done? Right? But in my past, them wasn't jokes. Those were statements that were said with attitude and real meaning right behind those words, right? Not just jokes. And it always ended in arguments. So I had to figure out that that uh that inferential insight in myself with other women, right? And figure out that, okay, this is why I'm triggered. This is why that statement that this person has said to me that was playful, that was harmless, makes me feel a way that I shouldn't feel right now. Anyway, figuring out what your triggers are and why, it can lead to you being uncomfortable, right? A lot of people don't want to do that. And the thing is, all of these things are inside of us.

Pressure Shows What’s Inside

SPEAKER_01 15:34

If I was to take an orange and squeeze it, what comes out? Orange juice. Same thing with humans. If you take us and put us under pressure, what comes out? Well, anger, frustration, anxiety, fear, unspoken traumas, unhealed, and broken relationships, pain. It's all in us, and when we get triggered, it pops up or it comes out. Being triggered is a gift. It shows you where you ain't free. It's a gift, it shows you what you need to work on so you can improve yourself. But it takes that influential insight, it takes you looking within and figuring out the root of it.

Align Beliefs With Actions

SPEAKER_01 16:14

So uh going back to the self-perception theory, what are your beliefs about yourself? Figure out if those beliefs in you that you are uh living by, the beliefs that you identify with, that you told yourself this is who I am, find out if they align with your actions, with who you becoming, who you want to become, and then take a look at those actions you take and ask yourself, are these actions in alignment with who I want to be or who I am becoming? And again, simple but not easy, right? It takes time, it takes intention, right? To remove yourself out of the out of your own head when you get triggered or when something happens. But if you can do this, you can start to change yourself, and if you really want to change, you gotta start looking of your own jar and not just when you're triggered. I know I um spent a lot of time talking about triggers, but with your beliefs about how you think the world sees you, about the kind of person you want to become, and what you're doing right now as you work towards that goal you have. And are these things in alignment with all those things I want to be, all those things that I'm trying to become. Self-perception plays a very important role in who we actually do become. So again, cognitive dissonance and influential insight. The cognitive dissonance that is the easiest one. You can't change your feelings, you can't change when you feel like something has happened or something has been said to you that either triggered you or made a ripple or some dissonance in who you believe yourself to be when you feel affected by something that shouldn't have happened or been said to you. And then influential insight is figuring out the meaning, figuring out why that happened so that way you can move forward and make a change. This is going to help us or allow us to change in order to become the people we want to be. So that's what I got

Closing Thoughts And Share Request

SPEAKER_01 18:06

for y'all today. Man, thank y'all for being here. Uh, like I always say, please share this episode with someone, a family member or a loved one who you think would benefit from hearing this. Uh make sure you tag me in it when you do. Uh, also become a supporter of the show. I made it easy for y'all to be able to support me. I left links in the description to be able to um buy your boy a cup of coffee. I appreciate it in advance. Let's go ahead and get to this music.

Outro Song I Am From

SPEAKER_01 18:30

The song I got for y'all today is called I Am From. Let's ride out. I am from. I am from looking in the mirror and wanting to see more and talking to myself sometime. I am from waiting on me to be great and step up to the plate like an umpire. I am from working on patience and practicing my frustrations. I know I ain't perfect, I am from progress. I am from Louisiana, 708 with so bad room. I am from polishing my shoes from the summer to get ready for the first day of school. I am from jumping like a cat, fish calories. I'll fish a gumbo like a dumbbell. Yeah, I am from wearing my heart on my feet like a loco. I am from I am from giving it like I can't be moving this um, I'm at some pool with the popo. Yeah, I let a belly be public. I was just scared of the fellow be, I'm doing it just like a better bee. I am from knowing it this is felling out this button. I am keeping keepin' the hundred and put it seeming to be something I couldn't believe. I uh I'm thinking, and if I'm thinking too much, I can break it too much. I'm knowing that I am not sleepin'. I be wondering how am I keeping this up, late? I am from reaching all the way down to the pit of my spirit. That we when you hear it, you know that it's real. And no disguise drippin' up my shit like I can break it. I live from roundin' like my father, I ain't from breathing over my mother. Wanna be just like my big brothers, cause spamming malice to a fresh place, and the good times make a different world. I live from black culture, I live from living with color. I live from hip hop and all them be football and baseball, it's taking Nintendo and book, but it's good be two free. I think go feet, seeking my goals and reaching my feet. He sickin' missile on anybody, instrumental if they really bring in that heat facts on my feet. I live from running from that big ass that I'm gonna live out when I was 13. Sh, shit, uh uh. But now I'm from running this shit with my dogs, and we out the chin and we out the beat. I am from waking up early on Sundays, I ain't no choice in church and be kinda ironics. I am from making them praise that when I preach on each, yeah. I am from knowing they follow me up in the grocery store, they can still hope and proof and stole them all in Dollar Tree. Yeah, they poppin' they think I'm a deep, yeah, it's obvious they don't know me. Only thing I'm taking is three, uh, three, three, I live in dreams, I'm rollin' my sleeves, and I am a thing, and I am a king, I am from me, that's all I can be, I am from Yeah, I live from dreams, I'm rolling my sleeves, and I am a day, I am a king, I am me, that's all I can be I dreams, I'm one of the sleeves, and I am a day, I am a king, I am me that's all I can be I am.